Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
He called this weekend. We talked for an hour. He said he wrote me another 8 page letter. Of course, he told me some of what was in the letter. Ha Ha. He is doing ok there. He says not to worry. I am trying not to but I'm a worrier. Its in my blood. I'm eating more. I'm starting to be ok. I'm adjusting to what I have to do. I did some cleaning this weekend and laundry. I hung out with my kids and did things. It rained out so we didn't get to do much sunday but for once I did things. I felt guilty and awful after going to a kid's party but I know it was good for me to go out. He still hasn't gotten his books. The jail is on lockdown. I'm going to call tuesday to find out where the books are and what's going on. I'm trying not to irritate them but He needs those books. Its not like they are crazy books. He's just bored. I just ordered him another book. Steve Jobs. I hope they give it to him faster than two weeks. He still won't send me the application to visit him. I need to see him. I love that he calls me and writes me but I need to be able to visit too.. He's a stubborn guy. I know he is trying to protect me but I need to see him. How can I make him understand that? ... He now understands that I need to have that phone call that he now does every few days. I can't go a week without hearing him. My tears are again my only company tonight. Feeling sad again... Just miss him and want to see him.. But that's up to him. If he doesn't want my company I guess I'll have to accept the communication I am allowed. I just want to go see him. I don't see the harm in that. If he's going to be there for months or a year or more.... I want to be able to see him. That sounds selfish I know but really I don't see why he has to protect me from anything. I don't see what harm it could do for me to visit him ... so lonely tonight.. .miss him so much... he is my heart.
It's great that his calling you more now and is writing to you as well.
We all take what we can get its ok.
I am happy to hear these things you did lately, and that you are eating. YAY.
As far as why he doesn't want to see you yet. Yes, if its non contact, that may bother him. It is an irritating way of seeing them, but it's something. My fiance said a lot of guys didn't want visits. They for one thing didn't want their person to see them in such a place. They have to get comfortable first, then they change their minds. AND sometimes he said it was so hard to watch me leave. He always walked out and would keep looking at me, then turn away as he walked and not wave good bye. He said that part got to him bad. So it may just be that seeing you makes him sadder for right now, until he adjusts to where he is. After he feels better about it, then he will gladly see you.
My guy said he worried the whole 2 hours or more while I was driving there and going home because of weather, and also because I have an old car, with problems. He would worry that it would break down and he couldn't help me, or I would crash, especially in all the blizzards and rainstorms I drove through. Good lord, I drove right into a tornado once. Had to stop and sit for a long time. This worries them.
And I did break down once, right in the town he was in. He called to see how far I had made it home, expecting I would be safe, and I was 2 miles from him. Totally broke down, with no idea what was wrong with it, and no money to get it fixed. Totally stranded. I thought I would have to walk the streets all night. I did for awhile, he kept trying to find guys in the prison that had someone that lived close that could help me. He did, and that's another nightmare story for another time. I ended up having a friend put me up in a hotel for the night, and then I walked over 2 miles the next day in 90 degree heat to go see him. THEN my son had me waiting all day to come help me, and he backed out on me, so again, my fiance was so frustrated that he could not help me. I eventually got home with a nightmare experience.
These are some of the reasons they worry about us going to see them.
Then too, they don't like us seeing them in a prison uniform, and being treated like crap by the guards. They are embarassed sometimes for being in this position. Until they get in the acceptance mode, it is hard for them sometimes. SOME guys live for those visits, while others don't want them at first, or at all.
You must let him get somewhat accustomed to this situation. Give him that space, but tell him how much you don't care about the surroundings as much as wanting to just look into his eyes and eventually touch him even if its just a quick kiss, and short hug. Sometimes that kills them too. They want more of what they are used to and can't have it.
You are progressing my dear friend. So I hope this helps you understand the parts you are unhappy about right now. My gosh you are sounding better.
As far as the books. Give it some time. It seems that they sit on their mail sometimes because of laziness, OR the fact that there may be 1,000 guys there, getting mail that they have to go through to make sure nothing is in it. I swear if they are good books they read them first..... haha, but maybe.
Don't call the prison too much, or they will get pissed, and won't give you answers that are really important. The prison's do have libraries. They can check out books. Even if they go to solitary, they come around with a cart of books for them to choose from.
The guys play cards in there too. He isn't sitting with absolutely nothing to do, if he isn't on lock down.
BUT I am proud of you. This weekend you made some HUGE steps, not baby steps. Congratulations. Good job!
Yes, it does go back to normal after they are home a short while. HAHA We whine, cry, are miserable when they are gone, and POOOOOF they get home and oh how fast NORMAL stuff comes back.
I do miss him while he is at work, but for a few hours, aaaaaaah, peace and quiet and no one wanting me to get him this and get him that. I loved it for awhile, now oh boy. BUT I still always am glad he is home.
Just thought I would tell you all this to show you how fast life goes back to normal once they are home. Yes we miss them horribly when they are gone, yes it is awful to go through. But boy oh boy, he was just SO annoying today. HAHA Welcome home baby! ( he always was bossy)