Families of Prisoners Support Group

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Telling my family that we're engaged...

iopgurl214
iopgurl214
How do I tell my family that we are engaged? My family is very conservative and very judgmental and I want to tell them that I am engaged because I am over the moon happy and I want them to be a part of my life but I'm terrified that they will be harsh towards my fianc. He made a mistake and is serving two years for that mistake but he is a good man with a kind heart and if he's criticized and beat down by my family, that would break his heart and mine.

Am I over thinking this? Should I wait until he's out before I say anything? I have a ring on my finger and they're starting to notice. I don't want to hide our love for each other but I also don't want to deal with the drama and judgmental comments.

I understand that they always want the best for me and want to make sure I'm happy but I'm afraid they won't give him a chance to show that he is a wonderful man and the love of my life, that he IS my life and the last thing I want is for him to be hurt.

Any advice would be great. =)
gregsbaby
gregsbaby
Congrats!!! Sit them down and tell them just as you wrote here, he made a mistake but has owned up to it. There's not one person on earth who hasn't made a mistake. No you're not overthinking it. They're supposed to love you no matter what so why hide your happiness? That's not fair to either of you. I personally don't have parents but when I told some "friends" (who are no longer friends) they said all kinds of mean things.

At the end of the day it's him and you against the world! Like I said I never had parents to tell, but IMHO if /when you tell be prepared that they'll say mean things or say they want nothing to do with you unless you find a "perfect" man. If that happens you have to decide do YOU want to be happy or keep making them happy? I'm by no means saying never speak to them again, just think about it, they have their happily ever after, now it's your turn! Just my 2 cents...

Congrats again and good luck :)
ihatewisconsin
ihatewisconsin
Yes, just tell them. It is YOUR life, not anyone else's. I can say this because I am much older than you, and have just avoided telling them we are getting married when he gets out. It's been years of them hating him for what they have heard about him, through other's that barely knew him, or other's looking him up on the internet. WE know that what charges are listed aren't necessarily what actually happened. We know that this is not the person we know and love. But judgmental people, including and especially family think that they get to say what we do and who we love. But do we do that to them? Probably you don't. and I sure don't.

Don 't wait. Mine is coming home soon, some know, some avoid the subject, and now it's getting close and I have to tell them he will be out soon and living with me and we are going to marry. I already got written out of my parent's will, and I am the only one that ever goes to see them and help them. They just think he is a monster because of what they have been told from awful people looking him up. They have spent 6 hours or less in our 16 years with him. Not enough to really know what a kind man he is. Not enough to have the right to judge him. No one should judge another person.

So TELL THEM as soon as you can before it becomes so crazy like my situation is.