Michael always knew when I was hiding stuff. He'd call me out on it saying "ok, I know you can't be having this many wonderful days in a row....what's going on?" We always had a "total honesty" rule. We couldn't hide because we couldn't be there for each other if we didn't know what was going on. Yeah, it would get us both down....because our hands were tied....but we could at least support one another.

I can't keep anything from my man he always knows when iam upset and I know when his upset too. If anything you can still talk to them and who knows they might know of a different way of sorting it out. Ok look at this way I've gotta go in for a op, yes he hates not being hear and holding my hand for the tests, scans and doc appointments but hewould hate it more if he found out after iI went though it all and that could make for trust problems.
Yes he can't help or do a dash thing about it but he can still give you support yes he will be upset...but think of how upset he would be if you didn't say anything.
Sorry I was rambling a bit there I hope it made a bit of sense to you.

Mine also knew when I was keeping things from him. I did it so he wouldn't worry, but he could tell. The way I side stepped topics, or the tone of my voice, or I talked a mile a minute to avoid him asking about certain things. They have their ways, and they know us... they can tell when we are lying or trying to not tell them something. Always ended up easier and better to just tell him.

You guys are a couple, and couples should share everything, the good and the bad. I know we talk about how hard it must be on them, but we also have to remember that it is was not "our" actions that made things the way they currently are. If you let it build up, it will eventually come out the wrong way when he gets home. My biggest fear is that I will be bitter when he comes home, because of all the weight I had to carry while he was gone.

I've never hidden anything, and I agree that hiding things isn't good for the relationship. I just hate to hear hom feeling so sad and frustrated because he's powerless to change anything right now.
I've noticed that when I start sinking into the "this will never end" mood, it makes everything so much worse.
Please let them sentence him already so there's an end in sight. This is torture.

Angela, I sure hope you get the answers you need soon.

As far as sheltering them from things... don't. Besides the fact that they do sense that something is wrong, they need to be included. When they were home, life wasn't all roses and sunshine. They need to be included in decision making in what was and will be their lives when they get home, and they need to feel they are still part of that now.

Let them decide things with you, as if they are home with you right now. It's what mine wanted. It made him feel good that he could ease some of my burdens even just with his suggestions and input, and it did help.

A few years ago when he was in, I lost my job. I didn't tell him. I worried how he would react. So I lied and lied and lied. I felt terrible and it was hard keeping the lie going. He felt there was something going on, but I faked it pretty well. Finally one day he said, You aren't working, are you? I said No, just didn't want to worry you or have you get mad at me. He said, Don't do that again. While I appreciate you sparing me the worry, I want to know when something is wrong. I can tell you know.

I told him in the past he had reacted so horribly if anything bad happened. He said that he was in a different place in his head then. Mad at the world, blaming everyone but himself for where he was. Now he was only blaming himself, and seeing what he was doing to my life. So not to keep things from him anymore. And pretty much, I didn't after that. It sure lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders.

They want to do that. To help any way they can. If they can't be here with us, they need to know that at least they can look at the problem, dissect the ways to fix it, and help.

Hi Angela, I have to agree with everyone else, even though we try to hide our feelings and try not to burden our guys with more worry they almost always know. When I try to hide things from my husband he always knows, he can hear it in the tone of my voice and if I am lucky and get away with something he somehow always finds out and then gets mad at me. Honesty is the best policy, let him know when you are feeling down and try and work it out together. I know how hard this whole situation is for you, I hope you get some answers soon.
Hugs,
Pat

Don't hide things from no matter what. Most of the time I tell my husband everything even if I know it will bother him. As he is still my best support person I have. He helps me think through things.

I would write him and tell him how you feel. Letters can be re-read. I think they need to know the truth. Someone else could always tell them and it's great to have it come directly from you. Good luck, hope you start feeling better. I've been a train wreck lately too. It really sucks.