Families of Prisoners Support Group

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/ Families of Prisoners Support Group

should I tell her what he did to me?

ourheartsrhurting
ourheartsrhurting
A Family Member Has Spouse getting out of prison soon, He will have to be a registered sex offender ( I dont know exactly what he did.. But she Said He Never Touched anyone ) I have Never Told Her About What He had done to Me . She was aware of 1 situation ( And he told Her that He must of be Sleep walking and thought it was her. I was young and was affraid that she would choose him over Me ..And I didnt want our parents to Know..I didnt want them to be hurt or get in trouble for Harming this person for what he did to me. I really thought that she would have left him by now ..I just dont want her to waste another minute of her life with this person ..I know I should have told her but I thought she would have by now .. whAT DO YOU like I should do ?
ihatewisconsin
ihatewisconsin
You run the risk of her not believing you, and being hostile towards you. Are you ok with that?? It's a tough call what to do. I don't know what I would do.

That isn't much help, I am sorry for what you have went through.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Secrets are a terrible thing, especially when they hurt someone else. I agree that you run the risk of her thinking that you aren't being honest - that you are only saying these things to hurt her/him and/or that you are saying these things because you don't like him.

He is already going to be registered as a sex offender, and that information is public record.

We all have choices to make...

First, the choice is yours if you want to "clear the air" and be honest with this family member.

Second, it is her choice to stay with him regardless of his crimes to you or others.

Third, it is your choice to support or not support your family member's decision...

And the list can go on... Personally, I would do what you feel is best for you so you can have closure. Something to consider: If you don't say something, will you treat them any differently than you did previously? If the answer is yes, they will eventually wonder why and ask questions. Maybe it's best to rip the band-aid off and get it out in the open so everyone can move forward.
Sneshinka
Sneshinka
I agree with everyone on here.... it's what u think it's best for u to do. If you are willing to loose her and accept that.. truth does hurt.. but keeping inside of u wont do any good either...cause eventually truth comes out and probably will hurt even more
ourheartsrhurting
ourheartsrhurting
Thank you all very much for the Great Advice ,I feel better already. Hope I make the right choice!
ihatewisconsin
ihatewisconsin
I guess since you haven't said anything til this point, I would reeeally think about it before you do anything. Whatever you do, we stand behind you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
These situations are so emotional, especially when there has be inappropiate sexual behavior. It is common for the victim to feel guilt & shame. It is also common to feel like it is your fault somehow, Believe me when I tell you; IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have no blame, when an adult takes advantage of a child, it is their shame & their guilt. Don't for a minute take on any of those emotions, the shame & guilt belongs to the adult.
It is always a tricky deal to be the bearer of bad tidings. Shoot the messanger & all that. But, what you need to think about is the future, who will be his next victim?
Your healing will begin when you can talk about what happened to you. Fear seems to be a factor here, How this affects anyone else is not in your control. I see that you want to love & protect your family from this knowledge. But that's exactly what you need to do , protect your family from someone who took advantage of a child & injured them for life. I know it won't be easy, It will require you to be very brave! It is such a heavy burden to bear, it will help if you can share it with someone you trust. Of course this will shake up things in the family, but maybe things need to be brought to light.
Something like this can become very toxic, when you keep it to yourself. Love yourself & protect yourself first, then protect others. My biggest concern is for his next victim. But, This is only my opinion. You must do what feels right in your heart.