Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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hyerin77 05/08/2013

Hi,
My fiance of 3 years recently found out he has a warrant for his arrest. He went to turn himself in, and he is waiting to hear from tthe judge. He has a lawyer, but I am still waiting to hear from him. He told me the charges were bail jumping and probation violation, but when I looked up his name in the public court records I found out the charges were grand larceny, not probation violation. THe charges are from about 10 years ago and he has not had any other arrests.
He only sent me one letter since he turned himself in, I have been writing him everyday, but he does not write back.
I'm sad, worried and scared for him.
My friend says I need to let him deal with this as a man, but I want to know what is going on. I feel like my plans for the future are all in limbo....
I just want him to be safe, and stay healthy. I hear the medical care is horrible in the jails and prisons.
I just need some words of support.....Not sure what to do.
I did think about whether or not I would stay with him, and after prayer, I decided I would stay with him, no matter how long this situation lasts.

october2014 05/08/2013

Sometimes it's hard for us to know what to do, what to say, and what to think. Don't worry about the things you don't know about yet. Turn it over to God and just love your man the best way you know how.

brandnewangel 05/08/2013

sometimes they hold the letters a day so say if he get it in 2 days it will be really 3 days so they can check it

to be honest your friend is wrong he gonna be your husband so this is both of your problems not just his .

he might not have pen,paper.ect.. write to u where my guy is he get 7 stamps and maybe envelopes not sure but my first letter to my guy i told him use back of my letter if he had to write to me

hyerin77 05/08/2013

I put extra paper and an envelope and a stamp, is that ok?
what do they do when they check it? do they open it and read the letters?

brandnewangel 05/08/2013

don't put stamps,stickers,glitter,markers, as will be sent back to you they might let one stamp go through but i don't know base on the prison or jail

if you send cards :cannot have glitter on it or that felt stuff

write in black or blue pen

never write in pencil as guards might change the words around this just my own protection (this isn't against the rules but I'm just very careful)

the first letter i sent my guy i put a sase & paper they let it go through but then i sent him a book of stamps & got them back

but if you go to the jail or prison website should tell you everything you need to know

brandnewangel 05/08/2013

they check mainly to make sure no funny business going on like planning a escape, another thing is don't put I want to f**k your brains out that a good way to get a letter sent back lol you need to edit it on sexual part

if you send pics no nudes (base on where my guy is)

hyerin77 05/08/2013

so putting extra paper and a stamp and envelope is OK?

Suchaslife 05/08/2013

Keep writing and call the prison about what you can and can't send just so you don't get them sent back. Tell your mate to pull there heads in and they don't know what there on about.
They check the letters to make sure no drug deals are getting set up and that there's no plans to escape in them.
I do write my man's letters in different colours but make sure the there just normal ink pens.
When my man first went in I sent him envelopes and they got sent back to me so call the prison about that just don't expect them to tell you anything about your man.
Ummm he might not have any money to be able to write to you.

brandnewangel 05/08/2013

they might allow you send one envelope & stamp the first time but after that they will be sent back

deleted_user 05/09/2013

Don't take it personally that he's not writing. Until they have money on their books or make a friend in there with them to borrow paper,stamps,envelopes...they won't be able to write much. where my fiance is they gave him 5 pieces of paper 2 stamps and 2 envelopes. I know its hard, I'm actually new to all of this too and my fiance is probably gonna be in for about 13 years. We are only on month 2. Just stay strong. if you really love him continue to write him as often as possible. That is the best thing for them in there..hearing from their loved ones. It reassures them that you haven't given up on them.

hyerin77 05/09/2013

My fiance is in general population, what does that mean? does it make a difference on whether they have the privelage to write back? What should I write abou? I have been writing daily but I feel like I"m running out of things to say. I generally write aboutt what I did during the day and tell him I miss him and that I love him. Anything else I should add?

october2014 05/09/2013

My man and I like to exchange song lyrics. Photos are good too. News items. Did your guy have a collection of any kind? You can send pictures or stories that you can find on the Net or articles from magazines and newspapers. Make up a story starring the two of you. Using the letters of your name and his, make a list of outstanding personal traits and characteristics: If his name is Sam, write Sweet Affectionate Manly. If his name is Chris, write Clever Handsome Romantic Intelligent Strong. Get it?

Rosetaz 05/10/2013

You can't send stamps, must be a postage paid envelope. They often have limits on how many you can send. 3 would be a safe number I think. Definitely clear up the discrepancy about the arrest warrant. If he's not honest, better to clear it up now or you'll forever wonder if he's being truthful about other things. Has he spent time in prison before, was he out on probation and violated that probation and now has to serve additional time per the judge's orders?

Suchaslife 05/10/2013

From what has been said he hasn't got any other charges wich is a good thing!
It's always wise to check with the prison what you can send and how much each place is and can be very different in what can and can't be sent expample being one place you might be able to send envelopes to them and the next prison won't let you there not all the same! So best bet is to check with the prison.
General population is that his in with everyone ealse and is not under protected custody who are keept for there own safety away from everyone ealse in prison.

@rosetaz I think she has enough going on without you putting doubts in her head besides it sounds like she has thought this though and is doing what she wants to do.

Rosetaz 05/11/2013

Suchaslife, here is what hierin77 said this, " He told me the charges were bail jumping and probation violation, but when I looked up his name in the public court records I found out the charges were grand larceny, not probation violation. THe charges are from about 10 years ago and he has not had any other arrests."

As you see she brought up her concerns about the truth in the matter of the arrest and prison confinement.

All I am saying is to get to the truth, if the truth isn't out in the open, so she can move forward with knowledge and wisdom.

I see nothing wrong with supporting a person's desire to know the truth.

Suchaslife 05/11/2013

I do know what she said but did it ever occur to you that he may of not told her the truth due to being scared of losing her? He would not be the first guy to do that.
She checked the public records and that was all what she found. As fair as what you said to me it seamed like you where trying to put doubts in her head after she has decided what she wanted to do.

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