Aww that was so sweet! I thought I was the only one who did that to letters I get :) He started licking them so tightly last year I had to buy a letter opener so I wouldn't rip them lol! I smell the envelope and the paper before reading <3

Yes you're so right about the waiting game! We have a bit over 9 years to go and we'll both be 51 respectfully. He's worth the wait though :)

Welcome to the group :)

Thanks!!! I will keep you in my prayers. 9 years is a long time. How long have you already been waiting? One thing I have is little "shrines" in my house!! The afternoon of the morning he left my house (we knew he was going to be arrested), I was cleaning and I found a package of peanut M&M's that he had been eating the day before. There were 3 left in it. It is still laying where it was when he left it. That may sound silly, but I can look at that and know that his hand left it where it is right now. I also have a wine bottle from our first date and a beer bottle that he drank from when he was here that last night. That would be trash to anyone else, but when I see it I remember the last night we were together before he left and that reminds me of how strong our bond is. I hope you can find little things like that to help you stay strong! At this point, I can see him 3 times a week but when he transfers to prison, it will depend on where he goes. When I see him, I try to always be "up" so that he won't feel like he is a burden to me. The worst part, though, is what I have seen and heard about the system since this started. It is LUDICROUS that if you deposit money via the ATM in the waiting room, you are charged a $6.95 service fee!! That is so UNFAIR! Putting money on the books helps the prisoners have a few (and I mean VERY few) little luxuries....like SOAP and SHAMPOO and TOOTHPASTE....and these little things can go a long way for someone who is incarcerated. These little things can also help the prisoner keep his hopes up, and lets them know that someone on the outside cares. For families to be charged that kind of fee is highway robbery!! There are a lot of people who are very strapped financially by their loved one being incarcerated, and it is a travesty to make those people suffer more just to be able to keep money on commissary JUST so their loved one can call them occasionally or have the luxury of a bag of chips! ($1.65 for the same size bag that you get 2/$1.00 at Walmart, which is also despicable! A 29 cent package of Ramen Noodles is $1.00!!) I know that most people are locked up because they committed a crime, but it is almost like the system wants to make them (and their families) suffer as much as possible while they are there, Someone needs to wake up and realize that if prisoners were treated little better, they would have more HOPE of being assimilated back into society when they get out, which would make the wheels of the entire system turn more smoothly, and might help there to be less recidivision! And the food is shameful. My boyfriend only gets protein in the form of some kind of cut up meat and gravy over noodles or rice every day, a small portion of scrambled eggs in the morning, and a bologna sandwich for supper EVERY night. Can't "the powers that be" understand that good nutrition would help EVERYONE involved? Physical well being and mood could both be improved by serving some fresh fruit and veggies, and it would seem that if physical well being and mood more are positive, there would be less medical issues and altercations for the system to address. Ok, well, I guess I've said my piece! Thanks for this sited, and I will check on you soon!

Melanie

Hey welcome we did 4 years of the waiting game not much fun and think ive climb every wall of our place in that time!
Ok its something like 11% of the prisoners are actually innocent let that one sink in for a bit.
Yes they very definitely charge more for basic stuff in these places then in the real world its disgusting. The system is now not there to help people or to stop people from reoffending but its only there to make money prison is now big business believe it out not.
Its one of the reasons why i bang on about the need for having a budget and for them to know about it as well its unbelievable important to set one up!

I used to wear my mans tops and boxes to bed when he was doing time so its not silly at all!

I agree with both of you. They make it so damn tough, not only for the prisoners, but for their loved ones as well. My guy is in for violating his probation. For the first month he was in the county jail I was able to see him once a week for 2 hours behind glass. Then, 2 months ago they sent him to prison. I have not seen him since. He has been in four different locations since March. The current prison he is in is 6 hours away. I would go. However, he did something very dumb so his visits have been denied for the next 6 months. All of this has been terrible.

Hehe I'll give you the short version :P

I met him online through a pen-pal site 10/2010. We were supposed to be living together 3/2011 but his mom died he got in trouble got locked back up. Then 9/2011 his dad died and he really did some stupid stuff (he only hurt himself) and that's why hes where he's at now since 5/2012. We broke up when his dad died, still loved each other though. So Jan.2012 I met my late husband/had a baby but still very much loved him and we still sent letters to each other at least 3 times a year since we were still friends. Well my late husband passed 8/2015 and in 11/2015 I got a letter but it took me almost 2 months to write back since I was supposed to be the grieving widow, which I was. So Jan 2016 (my 40th b-day!) we got back together and I'm finally happy! Only big thing is I'm in OH and he's in PA and I don't drive right now so I can't go see him :( The future SIL is a bonehead so I can't call her up and say hey let's do a roadtrip. But we make it work :)

I'm forever thankful that where he's at he has a calling card so I never have to worry about that! He won't ever let me send him anything, not even a care package. I swear though one of these days I'm going to surprise him anyways lol! Whatever money he gets comes from his job or my bonehead SIL to be, and she gives him a REAL hard time so half of the time he gets by with his job.

I do worry about his diet because he has to have a special one because he has Wilson's disease (his body produces too much copper) and his meds. One time I thought I would have to fly of the handles with the powers that be because of that!

And no your little shrines aren't sill at all :) I wish I had cute little things :)

Prison dosent punished the prisoners but mostly the families who are supporting them. Its bloody hard work.

You guys are definitely in my prayers! I can sympathize with what you said about having to hide everything from work and family- I've told my close family when they've asked and all it did was cause arguments that are ongoing to this day, and I had to hide it at work for over a year as well. A year doesn't sound like much in the grand scheme of things, but it was nearly impossible to hide and I spiraled into a pretty deep depression in that time because between work and family it almost seemed like living a double life which was completely exhausting (trying to keep up with it and pretend everything was fine all the time when it wasn't even close). I ended up quitting my job and it was like the weight of the world was finally lifted.

I hope everything works out for you guys and you don't have to struggle too much at work and at home!

@pharrah i hid it for over 4 years its hardwork but doable.

Hello I’ve been with my dude for a year now and it’s so hard I cry everyday especially now that his prison is on lockdown and has been for 3 weeks and I haven’t been able to get one phone call from him I’ve never even met my man yet we met online and I’m dying to go meet him but he’s in Florida and I live in NC...he won’t be home until 2039 so we still have a very long time to go and I’m new to this group decided to join for some support from other people going thru this same thing does it really get easier or do I have a lot of heartbreak in store for me??? Honest answers what can I really expect Becsuse it seems to be getting harder as the days are getting longer I love him with everything in me and I plan to ride this out with him until the end

This is my first time on here and my first time loving a man behind bars. I also have no family support, the only one that knows is my son. My daughter would disown me if she knew. The last couple of months have been devastating for me. I have a lot of mixed emotions. We are close to hitting that 50 yr old mark and I think of what this life is going to be like for the next 5 yrs. We was actually separated when he relapsed on a 2 yr clean from methanfedamin. I sometimes feel responsible because I'm the one that left, Waiting for phone calls, letters and visits are so exhausting. The emptiness I feel more so at night, financial struggle of being nickel and dimed for all of this, and the sadness I feel for him. I'm trying to see the light but some days I honestly want to run. Trying to get my mind right is so damn hard right now!!

Welcome to you Tofaswife and Mrs SRW.
There are many of us who have met their inmate b/f's online.

We know the struggle and the hardships.

One thing I've found that helps is to journal and this is a great place for it because you don't have to make your diary public unless you want to.

Hugs to you!