Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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Rough week

CJ_Iowa
CJ_Iowa

I'm not even sure how to begin this post tonight... I'm feeling really down and exhausted I guess. It's been a little over 3 months and overall things have been getting better. I guess I'm feeling very alone this week. My boyfriend hasn't been contacting like our normal routine and so initially I was worried he'd gotten in trouble so no calls or emails. Or worse, hurt. Only to find out he just hadn't made it to the phone or computer.


I know the phone situation is tough where he's at. 2 phones for 94 guys, but it hasn't been an issue until this week. I feel guilty even feeling upset about this but I feel pretty insignificant right now. I've felt like this a couple times throughout this process and realize it will pass but when I've brought up how I feel, he doesn't acknowledge it at all. 


I read your comments saying how your men worry about you, but I've honestly not felt anything like that. Everything is centered around him and how he feels. I have to ask myself is this the situation exacerbating this or does he truly just not care about how any of this is impacting me.


Gosh even typing this I feel like a whiny self centered child. Especially since I still have my freedom while he does not. But it's truly how I feel. I don't know. This is probably a personal insecurity thing that isn't appropriate for this forum. I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way at all and could give some advice or perspective?


Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Dont be silly your not a a whiny self centered kid!!! Your feelings are real your aloud to feel them and dont you let anyone tell you otherwise!
Ok as for the phone thing yeah there a pain in the but to say the least can tell you how many times the phones went out where my man was! Tell him that those calls are important to you and seeing that you guys can email (very lucky it was something we couldn't do) maybe site down and ask him how he thinks this is effecting you, or tell him how this is effecting you and keep telling him.
Hugs
CJ_Iowa
CJ_Iowa
Thanks. I'm just trying to get used to all this. My emotions have been all over the place. Church helps but sometimes it's all too much. The other day, after days with no contact, I was so angry I couldn't answer the phone when he did try to call for fear of what I might say. Which only made things worse because all I'd wanted was to hear his voice. Ugh. I know this will pass, it's just wearing on me. The whole situation.
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Deep breath don't push yourself so hard it takes a while for us to readjust to this. Everything your feeling is normal.
I only used to get ticked off at the system and well still do.
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Don't feel whiny or anything like that! This site is for helping us, and you should always feel like you can come on here to vent. If i didn't have this site to vent to i would go crazy. I totally understand the phone call thing, this week has been the same for me. We had about 3 days were i didn't hear from him and was feeling the exact same way. But he finally called yesterday and told me everything that had been happening, and it had nothing to do with not wanting to talk with me. the system is awful and thats where i get the most pissed off at. you really just need to talk to him. Its only been over a month for me. But i would say the best thing you can do is keep expressing to him how you feel. like Suchaslife said try writing to him and expressing these needs. We always try to be strong for them but this is affecting us just as much, maybe in different ways since your right we still have our freedoms. But we are also trying to hold a "normal" life down while dealing with them behind bars which is not easy. It is good that you are going to church and what not, i have found that has helped me a lot through this, even on days where it is hard i would still encourage you to keep going and doing things that will positively affect you.
Scaredkitty
Scaredkitty
I know my fiancé struggles with the shame and guilt of what I have had to deal with. Sometimes that burden weighs so heavily on him, I have to remind him I love him and forgive him. Hang in there!
shellz
shellz
As much we all love our guys OUR feelings are real......we have to understand their highs and lows and they have to understand ours...because it is like we are in there too....they are not alone in their struggles...my man read my some of his poems he wrote through the years being there and it literally broke my heart listening him read about family member being sick and dying while he was inside....to the point it was too much too listen to and at times I had to remove the headphones from my ears YET still when he talks to me first thing he says "BABY how's your day...how are you?" However I think you boyfriend is just angry about his situation...let him know you are there for him and dont shut you out...guys tend to do that when they feel like they cant control a situation. Be strong we are there for you.
desperate4help
desperate4help
I get how u feel I had a break down this week with my fiancé an I told him my feelings an for the first time he really opened up to me an told me that he feels the same way stressed an frustrated all I can say is feel your emotions an analyse them...talk them out with him an try an come up with a solution...take this time to connect more with him an also get to kno yourself...do self improvements so you feel better about you so wen he gets out ya both have something to look forward too...
Sneshinka
Sneshinka
Its ok to feel emotions its actually healthy to do that. Give him a week or two, then bring it up how you feel again. If he doesn't acknowledge it...which he should in my opinion. Then you need to tell him how he is treating you its not fair, he put himself in their... and therefore he cant take it all out on you... none of it is your fault. You are the one suffering cause of his choices.. so he better consider your feelings and acknowledge them. Then after that point you need to remember you have choices too... u need to talk care of yourself and make sure u do whats best for you too. We are strong women... so we all have choices too. I am here, welcome to private message me.
CJ_Iowa
CJ_Iowa
I brought it up tonight and he said I was being judgemental and my feelings weren't his problem. I hadn't judged, I just had asked how he was feeling and why the communication routine had changed. He was very angry. I'm not sure what to do with that. I am sensitive to how stressful his situation is, but I've rarely had someones words make me feel so small...And when that happened previously I left the relationship. Man, my heart hurts right now
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Awww that is not good, and in all honesty he should not be saying that. Your feelings are important! please don't forget that, and really if you are going to be with him through this he should view your feelings as an importance to him as well. Also don't allow anyones words to make you feel small, you are a strong person and you don't ever need someones words to make you feel that way. I think you need to take some time to yourself and really ask those big questions on what is going to be best for you. What is going to provide you to be the best person that you can be. If you are not going to be getting that support for him, you need to ask yourself why am i doing this? i know those questions are hard, and you don't need to have the answer right away. take all the time you need. try and relax, take some deep breaths. Maybe write about it, you don't need to send it to him sometimes writing helps sort everything our in our minds. Whatever you decide to do you can always talk to us, feel free to message me. Big hugs, it will all be okay <3
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Msent....stop advertising your business on here its a big no no........it will reported again.
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
I will also add you are advised to stick to using the company that the prison use or have said to use so you and your loved ones do not get into trouble.
Sneshinka
Sneshinka
Honestly your feelings are his problem because you are together. This is totally not okay... then why should you care about his ... if my man said that, i wouldn't tolerate that at all. He always should consider your feelings if you are together... Yes, its not fun being down their for him, but he better not take it all out on you. Your man always should consider your feelings regardless of where he is at... he put himself there ... now he needs to tough it up and deal with it. Just like you are having to deal with it out here... if he cant see that... then girl you might need to make a decision on what you want.