I resent the system that put Michael where he is...but I've got nothing when it comes to resenting Michael, himself. Maybe I would, if he put himself there...but even on his worst days, I just try to put myself in his shoes....and I feel worse for him, than I ever could about anything I've got going on. Besides, whenever I need him, he's there.

I resent the system too. The system really failed us.

I think when you have a child crying that they miss their dad is when it starts eating at you in a way that it's hard to describe.

I have nieces and nephews that cry for their uncle. it is hard. I do whatever I can to keep them as close as possible....since the rest of his family doesn't. It's rough...but someday their uncle will be home, and things will be all better. I think a lot of the reason I cannot be resentful of Michael is his innocence. No matter what, I hold onto the fact that he's not guilty...he did nothing wrong....how can I be mad at him for something he didn't do? ya know?

That's true. I was reading a few articles regarding this and this one prison wife said no one is forcing you to be there for your man during his imprisonment, so if it's something you truly want to do, you have to let all the resentment toward him (and he toward you if it's there) completely go. If you can't, then you shouldn't be in the relationship at all. Leave. But if you decide to stay don't use his incarceration as a weapon against him. That was helpful.

exactly. I mean, it's harder with my cousins and my friend who are in prison...sometimes I find myself biting my tongue....wanting to say "well you did ______ . you were an idiot...and now you're locked up. suck it up and accept your consequences. " but...what's that gonna do?

I resent the system and now the law changes wich means I don't have a date for when his home.
I don't resent my love and believe it or not he helps a lot with whatever problems I've got his always there when I need.
I look it this way resent the system but it's pointless in taking it out on them they hate it just as much as what we do...even if it was there actions that put them there.
Just my two cents.

Definitely a better way to think about it.

I think it's important to distinguish between children who have a dad in prison, and children who have an uncle in prison- that's just not the same, at all. For one thing, the kids whose dad is in are missing their other parent, their home life is totally changed, and they have a mom who is sad, stressed, overwhelmed, confused, sometimes angry, etc. So, with that important distinction in mind, yvonda, YES, resentment is a big part of the emotional territory you are now exploring, and YES, it is perfectly okay to feel it. You have to do all the things you've always had to do, PLUS his part- or explain to your kids why things are different, financially, emotionally, and all the rest. It's not a "bad" thing to feel resentful towards him, it's just something you have to figure out how to deal with and eventually work through- for your own peace of mind. Resentment is kind of like guilt- it hurts YOU, so you need to find ways to heal from it. Do you have a therapist or some other emotional support? It helps me to talk about these tough feelings with people who get it and can offer me ideas and tools to work through my feelings.
Do not be ashamed that you feel some resentment towards your husband/partner. It's normal and actually a sign of your mental health. You are strong enough to be honest with yourself about your feelings, even when they make you question yourself. That is a GOOD thing.

i think it's somewhat easier for me to resent because it's my ex husband(my kids' father) and i know he is where he belongs. but its so hard especially with my youngest having such a struggle dealing with it, it's only been a month for us

I resent the system. Our daughter asked for a few years (can count on one hand), but they gave him 30.
Our son is growing up without his dad, which makes him more at risk. Our daughter doesn't have him to scare off boys with wrong intentions. And I'm left holding the bag, trying to raise 2 kids, and support him as much as I can.

The system doesn't care about victims and what they want, they only care about keeping our prisons full as possible.

I have resentment from time to time and I'm very honest about it with my guy. I can't hold stuff like that in. But I usually write about it rather than talk on the phone because it just causes more stress and anxiety on his end because I sound hostile and hysterical and I tend to let my emotions get the best of me. I'm a new mom so I get overwhelmed a lot facing new challenges with a newborn as well as feeling angry that he is missing out on so many milestones. After he reads the letters he will call me and we will have a rational conversation about it and resolve what we can and further plan how we will solve it when he gets out. So far it's been working, plus any time I really need to vent I go on here and you all help me see through things. Just keep reminding yourself that this situation does end and there will be a chance to really hash things out when he's free.

when kids live with anyone...that gets ripped away, it makes life for them very hard. It doesn't matter if it's a parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt or uncle. When family dynamic drastically changes...Kids have a hard time coping. When children are used to living with a certain family group...at all times- a lack of a member is painful

I didn't realize Michael lived with his nieces and nephews. I am sure they do miss him, but I stand by my statement that missing a parent they have lived with is harder on them than other members of their household. Parent-child relationships in a healthy family are not like other relationships. If you don't have children, there's no way you can truly understand the nature of parenting with another person and then having that person no longer there.

I am probably going to be "blasted" for my comment, so I am going to apologize in advance.

Resenting the system is futile. And if I read the original topic post correctly, it has nothing to do with the justice system or the prison system. With that said, there is no doubt in my mind that we all agree our justice system is corrupt and that our loved ones are not treated the way they should be within the prison system.

In my opinion, the resentment stems from being alone all of a sudden, trying to figure out everything in such a small amount of time, trying to understand what our loved ones were thinking along with the financial burden that comes with prison terms and last but surely not least...trying to figure out what is in the best interest of our children. Do you tell the truth, knowing fully that their little minds cannot even process the truth? Do you lie, knowing that eventually that could back fire on you, and your children may grow up resenting you for it?

No matter how close your family ties may be, nothing compares to the loss of a mother or father when dealing with children.

Statistics from 2013 will show that more than 2.7 million children under the age of 18, have parents who are in jail or prison. I am sure that number is higher today. Parents are an integral part of their children's lives, regardless of being good or bad parents.

I do realize that in tight knit families, watching an brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandfather or grandmother go to jail/prison is not an easy thing for the child to go through.

But, I do believe that NOTHING compares more to a child than having your Mother or Father ripped from your life. The bond between a mother or father with their child is like no other, regardless who the primary care giver is!