Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hi everyone, my girlfriend is at the Ohio Reformatory for Women on a drug related conviction and has been there since February. In the past week she's told me of 2 instances where girls took their own lives, one on Thursday July 16th and another just yesterday the 20th. I'm curious if there's a way to verify this? Are prison deaths reported in the obituaries or another channel? I don't want to say she's lying, however she has a history of not being honest, drugs will do that I suppose. Her Mom was apparently not on her list of people to visit, though last month she arrived the same day and time as her Dad. Again, she's due to visit tomorrow, one day before her Dad is supposed to visit. Not that this matters to me, but my gf seems to be making a big deal about her Mom visiting. On a side note, her Mom knows people in the system and it seems an odd coincidence that her Mom was not allowed on her approved list, but can somehow schedule visits and so close to the days her Dad visits. I would hope everyone could be sensitive to my situation here. I'm in love with a woman who's in prison for drugs and who has lied to me and her parents in the past. I still love her and always will, but in the back of my mind I wonder how true her stories are. With all that said I'd like to find out if these girls have really taken their own lives. She said she found one girl last week hanging. And other one attempted a few months back and she found her too. Not sure who found the lady yesterday. This is disturbing to me on a lot of levels. I worry for her. Her Dad and I have been trying to work together as a support group, and I'm afraid that if all this is true, she's incarcerated in a facility that cannot maintain its own security (2 deaths and 1 attempt in 4 months). Or if it's not true, then she's lying. What can I do?
I just wanted you to know that people do respond on this group & you will not get any judgement from anyone!! That's not what we are here for!! We are all just looking for support & trying to help each other!
You are a strong and good man to love her despite all this. I guess you see the good in her, as I have with my fiance, who is an alcoholic, and in those times of drinking does lie too.
In the men's prison's there have been people that died. They have said it was suicide, at the local county jail, but the inmates insinuated that the man who died was not suicidal, and didn't kill himself. It was at the hands of others. Prisons and jails cover these things up pretty tight. I would think the only way you would see it in an obituary is if the person's body was released to the family for a funeral and burial outside of the prison. I think they would do that.
If her mom has connections in the SYSTEM as you said, then yes, anything is possible.
I have heard more horror stories of things that went on in the county jail, than in the prisons he has been in.
It does seem a bit odd that your gf found two of the people that supposedly died at their own hands. Sounds a bit like a story to get your sympathy, but who knows. Unfortunately, you may never be able to find out the truth, from her, because if she lied, she had reasons she may not even know why she did. Or if it did really happen, those prisons and jails really are an entity unto their own. They seem to have rules beyond anyone's control.
A judge once told me that once he sentences people to a prison, there is nothing more they have control of. The department of corrections has total control, and from what we know and have heard prisons have many corrupt and dangerous people working in them.
Is there any way that you have used in the past to catch her in her lies?
Obviously you love her. Obviously you have seen the good parts of her or you would not be with her still, wouldn't love and worry about her. The drug life she has been involved in, and probably still is in there, makes them liars, and other things that most of us cannot even imagine. My son was on drugs. And having an alcoholic fiance, I am well aware of how deceptive they can be. Sometimes they for some reason don't see what they say as lies. In their mind, it isn't. It's a delusional thing. In alcoholics, they have " black outs", which is where they do things, seem awake and alert, carry on with life, seemingly normally, but actually don't remember later what they did or said.
I would say if she is lying, there are reasons for it. Deep seeded reasons that she does this. She needs help, but doubtful she will get it in there. More likely she will get drugs in there and probably is. My son got drugs in a county workhouse from guards. A lady guard got caught bringing them in. She would check visitors in, and at that place you could bring them things like medicines, sweatshirts, etc. The inmate would tell her who was coming and when. She would be on duty, and take their property to them, WITH the drugs in them. Who knows how long she did this, but eventually got caught
Being that you are aware of her lying, and not comfortable with what she is saying is the truth, I just wonder how long you can deal with this. I know I have dealt with my fiance a lot longer than most would. We do see the good in them, we want to see them live a better life. We hope we can help accomplish that. So far, I haven't been able to, but I still haven't gave up either.
I am glad you came on here. I do actually have a woman friend in prison. I will write to her, to ask her what she knows about things like you have described. See if it happens there. But she would have to be careful what she writes. Not sure if they read outgoing mail from inmates to us. I don't know how to bring it up to her, because I know they read all incoming mail. But I can try. I will write to her tomorrow.
Each state, and each prison is ran differently somewhat, but I will do my best to see what she has to say.
A friend of mine had a wife in a woman's prison. He knows she was using in there. So someone brings it in. Has to be the staff.
We would tend to believe that this story she is giving you is just that, a story. But don't be sure about that. The only weird part is SHE found two dead woman. How likely is that?
I will let you know when I hear back from my friend in prison. She usually writes back soon after I write to her. If she has envelopes and stamps. No one really sends her money. Her husband and family abandoned her.
Your gf should feel so lucky you are still hanging in there with her.
Thanks Wisconsin for your input. There's a post from a few months back I made regarding the possible drug use. You may have replied, I'd have to check. To answer your question, yes I used in the past, Been clean 10 months today, though alcohol has been something I'd been in denial about and I'm accepting that if I'm going to be a good example and potentially a good husband and father I need to treat it the same as I treat pot which was what I had used for almost 20 years. She and I have a history going back 12 years where we dated and smoked, but she did the hard stuff and I had quit before we dated. When I expressed concern, she moved on to the bad boys. All these years I felt guilty I didn't fight harder for her. It was last September, 2 weeks after I decided to abandon my pot habit for good, she contacted me after a 7 year hiatus. She was upfront about her legal troubles involving heroin and probation. 2months later I caught her in a series of lies because I can identify them, I've been that person. Then she admitted she relapsed and later got arrested on a traffic stop. Now she's in prison. Things just aren't adding up. She only told me about 1 girl she found who died. The other she found lived. The 3rd, she didn't mention who found her. But the prison's been on lockdown. I have a feeling she's using, but I don't want to alert anyone who can put her in harm's way. It's a tightrope we're all walking. I made the choice to do this but I didn't know it would be so hard. I'm 37 and can handle it, but her Dad's almost 70 and I worry this stress is taking its toll. I would like for her to get out and him live out his days knowing she's taken care of. Well I'm at work and break's over. I'll post more later. Thanks again
I don't know why she is lying. But some people DO just lie about things, and then they have to lie more to cover the fact that they did lie.
I know a whole family that has done it all of their lives. The parents, and the kids. Years later, all grown up, this now man still lies, and so does his sister. I don't know if it's embellishing stories that would otherwise be mundane and no one would listen or what.
I was sitting watching the Law and order show and was thinking about your gf. Maybe now that she is in prison, she is reeling with the realization of what she has done to her life. She may be so afraid she will lose you, she has to say that there were these suicides to get you to worry about her in there, so you won't leave her. Like it is so awful on there people kill themselves regularly. That way you wouldn't leave her, in her mind. If she gets you to think it is so dangerous there physically or psychologically, she will be able to scare you into sticking around her. She obviously at this point does not feel worthy of your love. So had to keep you somehow, in her mind.
If she is NOT using, her body is craving it, you know that. So she is not herself either. If she is using, that would explain some of the lies or delusions. She may be living in a fantasy world as to not think about the reality of her future for awhile.
I do feel sorry for her. I don't understand why people use drugs, or become alcoholics, but I know several people that have done both of those, so I sure don't condemn them.
She needs help, and hopefully the prison social worker, or doctor will see that. If they give a damn. I don't trust doctors in prisons. Heck, I don't trust anyone hardly that works in prisons or jails.
I couldn't stop thinking about you and her while I was watching TV. Had to add more of my two cents on the subject.
I hope you can get through this ok, and help her too. She does need you, if you are up for it. And you sound like me. You have a history with her, and you love her, for her goodness you have seen in her. Go with that, for now anyway, and see what happens.
Being you aren't married, as we aren't, you don't have any legal rights to talk to her doctor there. I am not sure if the social worker would talk to you about her. I wouldn't tell her any of these specifics, just you are worried about her.
I too feel if not me, who would be there for him, who would care for him, who would love him and try to get him to get help?
We see beyond their problems. They are real and wonderful people just having a problem with addiction.
And yes, I do think she may not remember what she did while on drugs. Mine never remembers the awful things he has done.
I will talk to you more later. My fiance called and wants me to look up something for him.
Take care of yourself and know you are doing what has to be done, and just do it without caring what others say.