You are so right. My son was a drug dealer. He played sports, he was well liked, etc. I tried my damnedest to be a good mom, and discipline when necessary, but his stupid dad did not follow through. When I grounded him from driving the car because he came home late, my EX HUSBAND gave him his truck. My ex would not stand by me and my disciplining him. BUT the reality is, that sometimes no matter if you discipline them or not, they are going to do what they are going to do regardless. In the end, my son had to pay the price with two stints in prison. The last one 4 years.

People who said horrible things to me about him, or my parenting ceased to be in my life. Once a " friend" said, OMG I don't know what I would do if I had a son like yours." I boldly told her, " You do Kathy, you just have blinders on.In fact your daughter was seen by my daughter at a club downtown." Kathy replied, Oh she only goes there to socialize, not drink. I said, Yea sure believe that and I am skinny, beautiful and thin. I told her that my daughter said Erika was blitzed. Needless to say the friendship we had had for many years ended that day.

I decided a long time ago, I am TOO NICE sometimes. I used to not say anything when people said crap to me. Not anymore. I blast them right back.

We try the best we can, and if the child does something we would not want them to do, we cannot do anything about it. We just have to know it wasn't our fault. I somewhat blame some of it on my ex. He handed our son money instead of making him get a job, like I was saying. He gave him the truck, when I took my car from him. Son beat on me, dad walked in and just said Hello to him, and went down to his den and worked on his computer, ignoring what had happened. He would say, I didn't see what happened, I don't know how you provoked him.

SO, when my son was 17 or 18, I left for nine days. I left my then husband to see how life at home really was. Oh he would call and complain about everything my son and his friends were doing. I would hang up. That would add a day I was gone. My son would call and complain about his dad... again, my phone somehow disconnected him. and then another day added on to my little vacation. I sat on the deck at the cabin, sipping margaritas, and laughing at what probably was going on. Needless to say, they were somewhat glad to see me come home.

Then I got divorced and kicked my son out.

BUT two years after he has been out of prison, he has a nice home, good job, is a good dad, but still an arrogant jerk, using Daddy whenever possible. WHATEVER.. I am about to get married to a wonderful younger, gorgeous man. Yep things do work out.

Oh, by the way, my son started smoking pot while in the locker room at his hockey games. And hung out with the cute " good" boy, who had rich parents that gave them money and everything. That's how he got his drugs at first.

My parents did all they could, but my brother was headstrong. Once an idea popped into his head, he would do it. He was in and out if jail several times growing up.

I was the good girl... Well good compared to him. But sometimes parenting is not the reason why people make bad choices - there are many reasons why.

I like the part where you say it takes a village to raise a child and corrupt one. These people are no where around for your son now while he is having a bad time, so that shows you what kind of people they are.Busy judging and pointing fingers, about a situation that really is not their business!!!
You know you did the best you could, and at some point in time, people need to realize the only one who should be held accountable for where your son is, is your son. He made the choice and he is dealing with the consequences, you are not responsible, nor can you control the choices he makes/made as an adult.
Hugs to you!

You are a good person and no one raises their children to be bad. Once they are adults they are responsible for their actions. I felt much like you are explaining; what did I do wrong? But I realize now I did my best; I didn't raise my son this way.
Another question; when you were younger and got in trouble did you ever blame your mom? NO! We are all responsible for our own actions.

I totally know what you are saying. I get SO TIRED of everyone acting like I am responsible for my son being in jail. I worked my ass off and put up with a lot of shit so that my kids could have nice, safe home environments, new clothes, vacation trips, you name it.
My son started skipping school and smoking pot about age 16. I started getting letters from the school board saying I may face jail time if he skips school WTH?? I would take off work so I could drive him to school , watch him go inside, then later on he would walk off campus. How is that my fault.

Anyway 'hismamma' you did the best you could, the reason he's in prison now is because of HIS choices. Hopefully he will learn from them and realize what all you have done for him. Remember, it's NOT your fault and those people who blame us don't know what they are talking about. This situation can happen to anyone.

Your comment reflects my exact story and feelings about the coaches,
and my husband was just like Ihatewisconsins ex husband was. He was the same kind of father undermining everything I would try to do. I did try my best!! But one thing is true, neither one of my sons blame me, not even a little for their choices. I'm sure yours doesn't either. As for the others it's better to have a very few friends who understand then a whole lot of judges.
Lots of hugs to you, stay strong, Cindy

I have a 21 year old son in jail now. He is scheduled to be arraigned on 9/30. I haven't told anyone except close family. His entire life I have been blamed for his behavior. I tried. Doctors, counselors and medication. He is BiPolar. I set rules and his father allowed him to break them. Because he is the only son and his father is middle eastern, he could do no wrong. He was given anything and everything he wanted. I left them both when he was 16. He was verbally abusive as well as physically. I took my youngest child and left. I had restraining orders on both father and son. It was very hard to do but I'd had enough. I wish I had left when he was younger. Maybe removing him from the house and his father would have changed his life. I am not blaming his father for all of his issues only for allowing him to do what he wanted with no rules. All children need rules. Our female children had rules but not our son. He believes he is above the law. He's been in jail a month and his attitude has not changed. He is looking at 5 to 15 years. I don't know what I'm going to do. No matter what - I love him. And I feel responsible. If only I had done something different. I'm scared for him.

I know how you feel. I was the corrupt bad kid. All my friends were the bad boys in school. It does take a village to raise one child. No matter what or how you raise a child sometimes you just have to let them learn on their own. My boyfriend is incarcerated now. He has always had a brush with trouble. I love him and so my heart follows him. He's had issues with his kid's mother and because of how heated he gets its gotten him in trouble more than once with her. I end up paying the price by waiting... this is the first time I've had to wait for him and it sucks. You are not a bad mother. You sound like you have had quite the run with your son. People will judge you. It makes no difference who it is that is in prison. They will judge you regardless... don't be discouraged... He loves and respects you. He just has to get things figured out on his own so he can live a long happy life... as does my bf... the wait is what is agonizing...