Incarceration, like cancer, is something that scares most folks. It's not catching; we're not contagious. Some people are afraid of what they don't understand, and no one wants to understand being locked up.

I suggest that you continue to be a normal, friendly person, who just happens to have a loved one in prison. If they're smart, they'll see that you're the same person that you've always been. If they're not so smart, they may learn something through your steadfast devotion. Some will walk away from you, never to return - that sort of situation is worthy of tears more than anger. The hardest relationships to deal with are those who are openly angry to you and say hurtful things about you and your man; they don't want to understand. Love them anyway. Don't let them bring you down.

Find your comfort zone, your meditation point, the peaceful spot in your soul where you can go when it hurts too much. It's hard, but our guys want to know that our lives are good out here. They don't want us to be miserable too.

Come here often, so you'll know you're not alone.

Hey welcome to the group.
We do get what your going thought and most people don't get it until they have to go though the lovely system ( yes that was a bit of sarcasm) all what you can do is keep being you don't or try not to let others get to you easyer said then done.
It is scary but this can make your relationship that bit more stronger with letters phone calls and visits you get to know more about each other then what you would normally. Come hear as much as you want or need too we do get it and there's always someone hear that will listen and try to help you.
I hope he won't be in for along time.
Hugs me.

I didn't mean that people in this site don't get me... I meant people that don't have a loved one in prison don't get me. My entire family doesn't understand why I don't just walk away. Why I am so angry. Why I can't wait to get a letter and visit him for the first time since he went away. My friendship to him and my love for him are so strong that this won't keep me away. This will make me want to support him even more. To be by his side. My man will most likely have a long time. He has a burglary charge. He had no intent of hurting his kids' mother so I'm not sure if it can be downgraded or not. The court appearances start in October. I am anxious. I don't know what is going to happen.... I have been coming here a lot ever since I found it today. Its helped a little...

We know what you meant its ok. :)
Has he got some money so he can get writing things? Most people who haven't been hear don't get its your choice to stand by him and a brave one to make....tell that to the people who judge you.
Can you aske the pd what you should expect at court? Get them to walk you though it so its not as scary?
The not knowing what's going on or what's happening is scary!

I gave him money in his trust fund so hopefully he is using it... I am getting ready to send another letter tomorrow with a piece of paper and envelope. They told me that he was given stamps and paper already at the orientation. I'm not married to him so they aren't telling me much... unfortunately. I just know how hard this is. I rush home to check the mail. Hopeing he writes. He said he would. Its agonizing the waiting.... He has no money. Just what I have given him.

cmorton554,
Some may think that you are too weak to leave him, that you are afraid of being alone (well your alone right now..). What they dont understand, is that walking away is the easiest thing you can do - you don't get the ridicule, the judgement, and people persuading you to do the opposite. By standing by him, you are showing that you are strong woman, that you can endure people's judgements and comments; that you can be alone - that is until he gets home.

I've lost close friends whom I confided in, because they didn't understand and refused to see things from my viewpoint. DS has been a place of refuge. This is where I go to connect with others who know exactly where I am coming from.

The legal system is going to be challenging; and you will start to see it in a different light. During these periods of working his way through the system, I urge you to come here often - even if its just to read others posts , to let you know you are not alone.

The only other thought I can give you, is to check with local churches to see if they offer any support groups for loved ones in prison - not alot offer this, but some do. That may be a place where you can find others like you in your city that understand you. I am finding those I connect with on this level, I have a stronger bond with them than anyone else.

I have found in the mere week that he has been gone that I have told others and my entire family doesn't understand. My mom has turned me away. My children see me cry and they don't understand why I'm so sad. I told them that mommy misses him but they don't understand that it could be a long time. He is their friend too. He played with them and was here quite often. He had moved in with me in June and spent the entire summer with me. It was cloud 9... I will stand by him until the end and he finally comes home to me. That day seems very far away right now but I am finding that this site brings me comfort to be able to talk to others that are going through the same thing as me. I have been too depressed to do anything... aside from working because I am trying to make money to help him... today after talking to several people on here.. I was able to do the dishes and fold some laundry. .A big achievement for me.. Most days I came home to cry in bed... I'll probably do that again later but baby steps are where I'm at... The legal system is horrendous.. I know... I've had my brushings with the law..

Take it a step at time or a min by min. Well done on getting that done :)you will have good a bad days but that's ok you can do this.