Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hi,
I'm a 30 year old single mom of an 11 year old boy. Recently, I have gotten engaged to the love with the love of my life. This is difficult for me to talk about because he is incarcerated in another state for another 12 years.
I am extreemly happy with him but the distance and rules of prison are weighing on me. I miss him so much, it hurts.
My family (well the ones that I told) are not very supprotive of my decision to marry an inmate. I wish that they could just share in my happiness and excitement. Their negativity about it has caused me to shut down when it comes to conversation with them. Why can't they just accept me decision and see that I am happy with him? I do however have some friends that support us but it's not the same.
Beside my families negativity evrything is good. I'm currently working on getting all of my ducks in a row in prepartion for our big day. There are so many rules and regulations. Although, I know it will all be worth it in the long run. I just wish that our circumstances were different.
I joined this group to find out if there is anyone else out there that has gone through or is currently going through a simular situation that may have some advice for me.
Congrats to you! My man is incarcerated as well. We're not married but I got so much love for him, I'm not going anywhere. I really can't give you any advice honestly. This is the hardest relationship I've ever been in and at the same time its the best one. The way we grew to know each other is amazing to me. But us being apart is the hardest thing ever. I get so upset sometimes that he's not here and him being 8hrs away makes things so much worse. I can't let him go tho. I can't talk to my family about it because I know they would not be happy about it. So I keep things about him to myself. I wanna tell the world! This website helps so much. Just hearing other people's stories and knwoing you're not alone. I just try to keep busy to keep me sane. Lol. Good Luck and Welcome to the group!
Congratulations on your engagement!
I know all too well what that pain of separation feels like. It hurts like an SOB. It hurts even more when you can't share your joy or pain with family or friends. That's ultimately the choice we've made by loving men who have unfortunately made mistakes and are doing time.
Which brings me to the more difficult questions...
1. What's your rush? Not to be a "debbie downer" but if he's incarcerated for another 12 yrs why not make getting married an incentive for him to be on his best behaviour while he's there? I remember watching a video once about a woman who said those words. At first I thought if my b/f proposed I wouldn't care. I'd marry him in the prison by the chaplain. But...this woman made sense. There's no rush really (unless you get extra perks by being his wife that I don't know about).
2. Have you thought about relocating closer to him? Distance is hell. You have to bridge the gap somehow and have "regular" visits. Not to say that it couldn't work if you didn't. Just saying...even couples in a long distant relationship need that connection. The problem with us is that we can't skype. :(
How long have you known this man?
With that said, "Woo hoo! I'm so excited to be engaged to the love of my life! He is amazing you guys! I love him so much. He makes me SO happy." (taking a breath) lol
@ Jay_lover I've requested your friendship. I'd love to share stories. If your interested?
@ Ms.901996C There is no rush. It just feels right. Plus our religious beliefs guide us in the direction of marriage if we want to talk about and do things right in gods eyes. As far as relocation goes, I used to live in the state that he is incarcerated in. About a year before meeting him I took a big step and moved across the country for a fresh start. Moving back is something we've have discussed but we both agree that isn't the best idea. We are thinking that maybe he could be transferred closer to me. Do you know anything about how that works? You're right the distance is hell. The prison he's in doesn't offer skype video visits either. Which makes it worse. I did however just come back from taking a vacation to were he is to visit him about a week and a half ago. Leaving was honestly one of the worst moments of my life. I felt like my heart was being torn from my chest. Ever since being back at home all I can think about is when the next time I'm going to be near him again.
We've known each other for about a year.
My hubz to be has another 10 to go and he's a state away so I don't get to see him :( However we keep it going; I can't just up and move because I have a 4 year old and I'd be going into never never land and I'm not going to do that. Now if it was just me I'd been gone 2 years ago. He's not relocating because his , well our home is there waiting for us! I am planning on next year going to see him! So I'm probably the odd woman out in the you have to visit regularly or it won't work.
We're not getting married anytime soon because he told me he wants to do it right and not where he's at, which I'm cool with that since like I said we're a state away from each other plus baby. What we do know is it's going to be on my MILs birthday :) I never got to meet her face to face but she was so happy for both of us (my avatar is her as young girl :)) and she told me she was glad I met him :)
Now as for y'all, girl go ahead and jump the broom!! Tomorrow isn't promised to us and as long as y'all love each other and on the same page say those I do's and get that super kiss, well semi super kiss lol!
Congrats and more congrats!!!
Your situation is so similar to ours. How do you deal with the hurt of missing him on a daily basis knowing that you have so much time left to go? I've been trying to keep my self busy but it's eating me up. I find my self daydreaming often in the midst of doing regular activities or tuning out when talking to people sometimes with thoughts of us. (typing that made me feel like I sound crazy. Like a young school girl)
Another thing I do is find quizzes and other fun things to send him. He's such a bonehead because he knows when I do that I'm eagerly waiting to see the end result but instead he holds them hostage :D Naw he just hates writing.
So continue trying to stay busy :)