I remember all too well how unbearable it was to not know what was happening, and I am very sorry you have to go through it. It's just awful. It took me many months to be able to relax at all, and then, just like you say, it seemed like something would happen to steal what little peace of mind I had. Maybe just knowing that can help- knowing that this is going to be a crazy, terrible time, and that there is very little that you can do to change what's happening. The only thing you can try to change is how you react to it. If you try to keep calm as much as possible, doing little things to ease your stress and anxiety, it will begin to improve, even just a little bit. You do not have to celebrate your birthday, or anyone else's, for that matter. You are allowed to stay in bed and feel sad and lonely. You are allowed to sleep as much as you can and to eat whatever tastes good (or even just okay). You are allowed to cry every day, every night, whenever you want to. This is a rotten, terrible time, and you deserve the highest compassion and patience, so please give yourself these things. Try not to feel ashamed or to compare yourself with anyone who is not (or has not been) personally experienced with what you are going through. Use this board to share your thoughts and feelings and you will find understanding and support- you are with friends here. I know it's not enough, but it is something, and the truth is, until you gain some real ground, nothing is going to really take away the loneliness, worry, fear and pain. Try to realize that how much you miss him, is how much you care for him. You are actually lucky in this- you love someone very deeply, and that is never really a bad thing.
Take care of yourself.

Thank you for your kind words...I keep feeling like nobody could possibly understand how I feel then someone here gets it...it helps . I'm really unsure how to do this dsyto daything...I am having trouble just getting thru the day..

Hey its ok....no really it's ok! Totally understand tht whole what the......is going on. Its frustrating but its all part of the game that we play.
we didn't do anything for our birthdays for years....we both decided it was to hard so we just did cards and treated it as a normal day....well as normal as possible!
Its great that you now know where he is and can write....do so as much or as little as you want.....this is a step to him coming home...i know that doesn't really help right now but in the long run every step you guys take is one closer to him coming home its not easy or fun but we will be here every step of the way for you.
hugs and iam glad you where able to get back on.

While my husband was in county jail waiting to be transferred to ADC, I saw him every week and got phone calls and electronic messages. Then, after 85 days, he was transferred to intake. Well, there was no visits, no letters, no phone calls-NOTHING. I nearly came unhinged. I was buggin big time-therapist had to supply a full box of tissues from all the crying I would do. Then, after 2 weeks of RADIO SILENCE, I get mail. Boy, was I like a kid in a candy store. 3 letters, I just read and re read them. I was writing to him incessantly as well, and they kept him sane while he was being processed. Try to think of this period as the next step in coming closer to reunification-no matter how long. Hang in there-you are stronger than you realize, else, you wouldn't be here seeking support.

I hate the new site too! Totally understand about the going crazy part! I think they do love to torture us in some form or another. Glad you get to hear his voice. G told me they're moving around offices, cells, you name it so in the midst of all this shuffling my phone number got lost, yes torture. Thank goodness for letters <3 Try to enjoy your birthday by thinking about some positive things, like maybe what are you guys going to do when he gets home for the birthday to come, whenever that is! I'm always thinking about when G comes home because he's going to be my birthday cake AND ice cream lol! Or if you do want to be a couch potato that's okay too :) Sending hugs xx

How long does it take for them to be able to call get visits? Its been 14 days since I've heard from him

Have you done your visit forms for the place his in? How long well sorry to say but thats up to the place his in....its a form of torture for us and them.

It was supposed to be 30 days for his phone list to come back to him but suchaslife is right unfortunately we're still waiting. Hang in there!!