Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I don't know what to say to him anymore. I ask him to call me a couple times a day. He usually calls at least once, sometimes twice. Our calls sometimes are good and sometimes are really strained. Its like pulling teeth to get him to talk to me about anything. i'm running out of thoughts and things to talk about with him. He hates the phone. He won't let me visit him so phone and letters are my only way to converse with him. Sometimes his letters take forever to get to me. We are both in Connecticut but the prison is about an hour away. He knows I would visit him in a minute. All he has to do is say the word but he won't. He says that he refuses visits from anyone. He doesnt want to be seen in there. He claims he loves me and wants to get married. Our calls lately have been so strained. he's either angry at me or frustrated about one thing or another. he says he hates the phone. There's nothing to talk about. He won't talk to me on the phone. He just leaves it to me to move the conversation along. I don't know what to say anymore. I want to hear from you everyday but he won't call me if I don't have anything to say. I don't do anything. I don't go anywhere. All I do is work and do my class work but I don't know what else to talk about anymore. I want him to help out with talking. We both have so much to say in letters but on the phone he closes up. I don't know what to do... I love him so much and I'd fall apart if he goes back to not calling... Need advise. I feel so alone. I don't have friends to talk to. I have no support. I am his support and mine.
But we have had days lately where lots of bad things have been going on. None of them in my control. Like the pipes froze up. MY FAULT??? No actually, his, kind of. If he were here, I wouldn't of been in another state, MN, working. He should be here working with me, and helping me. So today it is my fault that the toilet is leaking now, because even the water in it froze. Yep, I caused the weather to be below zero and the batteries to die in the thermostat, which made the furnace not go on. Yes, I caused that, in his mind, I guess. Oh I am livid at him.
He tells me to tell him everything, then gets beligerent that these things happen. It is his fault he took off without a travel permit and fell for someone's line to trap him into going out of state without a travel permit. And it's his fault he chose to leave and drink. Not mine.
So he calls back twice more to yell at me for these things happening. It's my fault that the weather got cold, the furnace didn't turn on and the pipes froze.
No it is his fault for being in prison, and not being here to help me with things.
These are the stupid things they do instead of saying gee honey I am so sorry you are dealing with all this alone because I was an ass.
Yea they feel guilty. So say so, don't put all the blame on us.
You brought this up just as I am going through crap with mine too. Oh I want to punch him in the nose. Yes I love him, but is this the way he shows love back? He will be getting a nasty letter tomorrow if he don't call back in the morning and apologize.
Apologize??? Do they ever do that??? Heck no.
I would insist on visiting him. That would be my next phone conversation. How long will be in for? If it were me I would tell him he is being selfish about not letting me visit. And believe me that should get some juices flowing.
If you don't feel like going there with the conversation...than pick a topic about your day...something you went over in class, the good and bad points of it...or what homework or errands you have to run. Talk about future plans, etc. Its tough. I'm a runner...if I had nothing to say, I would not answer the phone and then maybe the next time he called he would open up and have something to say about how he is feeling.
Be honest...say hun...I put the strain on you to call 2x a day and it seems like we have not much to say...Do you want to move to a call every other day?