Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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leivah1 12/07/2015

I am so lost. My only child who turns 23 in a week was arrested for robbery with a firearm discharge and 4 counts of aggravated assault with firearm discharge. I can't afford an attorney but have heard horror stories about public defenders. When he was arrested he did not have his prescription glasses (supposedly the police now have as evidence). The jail makes it so hard to find out information. I don't know how to get him glasses. He looks so lost. I am so upset. Just in the last year he started going down a very dark road. The people he suddenly starting hanging out with were very scary. He went from this fun loving guy to talking like he was a thug and listening to thug music. I have been expected the police to knock on my door to tell me he had OD. Before he started down this road, he was our music instructor at our Synagogue. He worked with our Youth program - the kids loved him. Everyone is so shocked about this. They are being supportive so far. He wants to talk to his Rabbi, but the jail won't give them any private time. He has asked for our Jewish prayerbook but the jail will not let us give him one. His friends that use to be in his life have been calling me and telling me about the people he had started hanging out with, that they are gang related. I just don't know what to do. I am scared for him.
It's only been a week and my heart breaks. I thought it was hard when his dad died 15 years ago, that was easy compared to this pain. I just want to hug him. I just want to fix this but I know I can't. I keep being told that he should hide that he is Jewish while in jail. But he is proud of his religion. But I also want him to be safe

janie1975 12/07/2015

Maybe you could print off a couple pages of his bible at a time and mail them in with your letters. that is how i send information to my son.

derricksgrammy 12/07/2015

So sorry for your and your son's situation. It's just so hard to watch a person's life change in such a dramatic way. Sounds like he was mostly trying to fit in where he didn't belong. I felt the same way you did and I still do about wanting to fix things. Unfortunately that's out of our control. I did get to visit my daughter this evening and she looked so much better than the first week she was there. I wish we could have contact visits so I could hug her, too, and she could hug her daughter but it doesn't look like that will happen. At least not right now. She has 4 months, so we have 14 more visits (only allowed one visit per week). I am so angry with her but I still love her and feel bad for all of us. I think in time your son will be able to see his rabbi but it will probably take a little while. Is he in a county jail awaiting trial? I think he should just keep to himself, not say too much to people and try to obey the rules they have so he doesn't make it any worse. They can deny any visit they want and you'll find that the system is just a money making organization. Hopefully, there is a counselor there he can talk to.

Take care (I know it's hard to) so that you can be there for him. He will really need your support.

ihatewisconsin 12/07/2015

I know that in most states they have to let them observe their religious beliefs. In doing that, they should let him have the bible he needs. Muslims get prayer time. Check with the prison and see if you can order him one, and have it sent through the book company. It usually has to be sent that way. You can't send it yourself.

Where mine is, they get the glasses. He don't have to pay, but they can also order them through approved catalogs. Maybe he just doesn't know how to go about it.
We don 't always know when the ones we love are going down the wrong path. They hide it from us. All you can do is try to stand by him no matter what. In the end, it may make a difference.

imissmyson2 12/19/2015

There is absolutely no pain like the pain you are experiencing now! this is a very good place for you. The people here will help like no others to get you and your son through this. We all share your pain, disappointment and load. We understand. Hugs, Cindy

ihatewisconsin 12/19/2015

We have all went through what you are feeling. Some days do get better, some still are sad til they get out. But here, you will get help, or ideas how to make it through this. I have stayed on here over 9 years. The people on here are so wonderful. It's the best place to talk with people who do understand how you feel.

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