Its ok.
A bit of advice please dont compare the stuff in news to what your son may or may not get thats up to the courts at the time.
Oh and try include him the Christmas stuff as much as you can it help the both of you....i know its not the same as him being home but his still your son and he would like to be involved in some way.
Big hugs

Dear Solitary Momma, I too am going through a loss of my son to prison. I lost my husband to cancer several years ago but this pain and grief is so much worse. I feel so helpless and hopeless. The holidays and the Christmas music are driving me crazy. I have been praying so hard to not cry when I talk to him on the phone. I got to see him yesterday and my heart was breaking because I had to leave him there. This is something that some days I say I can't do this. How do I move forward? How does he move forward? He too will be facing a lot of time. He is my son . And I love him. This is a new world for us and I have no idea how to walk this path.

I can certainly relate. My Son has been in and out of jail for several years and each time the hurt goes deeper and deeper. He is suppose to turn himself in tomorrow yet again. And here I go with another holiday without my Son. Thank God I have a wonderful, caring daughter that tries to make me happy in any way she can to make me happy. Why do our children choose a life of crime when we have done everything in our power to make their lives better and give them the things we did not have. I am so tired of this hurt. I wish he could see what he is doing to our family. I go from mad to sad to relief back to sad. Sometimes I feel that jail is safer because the fear I have that someone may hurt my child is so overwhelming. I am trying to stay positive and just let the Lord fight this battle because it is bigger than me. I have wanted to join some type of support group for about 4 years now. Most people can not relate to a mother that deals with these types of situations or they simply say that they would not do half of what I have done to help my child. What do you do?? Throw them away? Act like you don't care? If I turned my back on my Son and something happened to him, that would cause me the same or close to the feeling I had when I lost my mother. I just can't.

Thank you for the replies. I'm a pretty resilient cookie but there are moments when the weight of all this knocks me down. I don't agree with my son's choices and actions but I will always love him regardless. My other kiddos give me motivation and strength to not dwell on the negative but we all feel the weight of his incarceration and process it the best we can. I appreciate the suggestions to involve him as much as possible in the holidays and will definitely give it my best shot. I make sure he has money on his phone account so he can call us anytime and always try to keep my conversations with him upbeat and positive. Can't say I've succeeded in that 100% but more often than not I do. I think it's just the realization of how long he could be gone that threw me for a loop yesterday. It's a difficult thing to process. Anyway, I so appreciate you all "talking" to me. Please feel free to carry on this thread if any of you need a listening ear. *hugs* to you all

Hello all, I am feeling real low. I didn't hear from my son in a few days and he called me tonight and I was at a loss of words. They record our conversations and not only are you watching what you say but you feel the heavy heart of your son and his sorrow. I pray with him and over him . I can visit with him four hours a month. I am observing his spirit getting crushed as mine seems to be. I don't know how to cope with this. I cannot sleep through the night since his arrest and have lost a lot of weight from stress. I feel your pain when I read these threads and would like some advice as to how do you move forward? Writing letters to my son is even hard again knowing they read them and he hasn't been sentenced yet but unless there is a miracle in store for him I may not see him in this life when he's done serving his time. I am heartbroken when I read what you have been through as well. I am sorry for the rant but I have no one to talk with. I have been trying to keep this quiet as I live in a small town where everyone knows your business before you!

*WARM HUGS* sadspirit
I know your pain and how much it hurts. I feel it too. It is natural to feel grief and sorrow when someone you love is so lost. All I can say is don't try to deny yourself those feelings. They are real and they matter. Try to let yourself feel them fully for a time. And then let them go. This is how I pick myself up and move on. A good cry can work wonders. Hug the people around you that matter. It goes a long way to soothing a broken heart. And try to do your very best to be positive and encouraging to your kiddo whether its on the phone, in your letters or at visitation. Don't talk about the case. Just be there for him. Tell him what's going on in your life, with the family, around town. Encourage him to read, get involved with classes, draw, exercise, etc The power of positive thinking is amazing and you can encourage him with your words, your smiles and your attitude.

Thank you so much for the hugs and encouragement! Your words speak of truth and wisdom and compassion. We have options and choices. We have to move forward and you are so right that we need to be positive for the sake of our sons who are locked up and looking toward us for courage and strength. Thank you so much for the support! My heart goes out to you and yours. God Bless!

I know in most prisons have consolers that your son and you can see in prison to help you coop with this all you can do is support/n try to be as strong as u can and some prison have contact visits it would be private contact visit in a room I don't know what kind of visit thay call that well i hope I help you some what I can't imagine what you are going through I haven't been through or been through that yet n I hope I never do . My fiance is in prison for 3 more years n it really get hard because of no ride and the prison being 2 hours away doesn't help either

Sad spirit you should call up to his prison and see about you and your son to see a consoler thay will help you get through those tough days and theirs a web site that helps you out what questions are anything you need it's called prison talk but my advice is to put the prison name and town n state then put prison talk so that way you are talking to people that are at the same prison and going or had went through what you and your son went or going trough hope I helped you or some what helped you

Thank you Mr.N.Mrs.Sullwold8490 for the advice. I have just discovered the prison talk site and am so thankful this support forum! I really appreciate you taking the time to reach out and help. I will check into the counselors! I pray for all the mothers and their sons that God will watch over them and protect them and will replace anxiety and fear with peace that goes beyond all understanding! Hugs to all moms

I am sorry about your fiancé! Not being able to visit is really hard. Is this because you don't drive? I feel bad when I hear about loved ones shipped off 500 miles away and families can't afford to go see them.

Ok iam really sorry to say this but its rare to get help in prison its even harder for loved ones to get help with there inmate in prison. Iam not telling you this to be a bitch but its fact its really rare for them to get help outside of a group situation. your best bet is to find out if you can send some self help books to him make sure his aloud to have them first.
This is not easy but its doable.
Mr.NMrs.sullwold i would of given my right arm to have my man so close instead of over 4 hours away one way.

I am deeply saddened to hear about the challenges you are facing SolitaryMomma. and sadspirit My son was awaiting trial for over a year and a half. The hardest part was not knowing what will happen. I just joined this group a few minutes ago as I am still trying to cope with my young son been away from the family. He needs you right now. I try to stay positive and upbeat whilst on the phone to him and keep him up to date with family news, etc. He will be feeling scared too but your love will keep him strong and hopeful. I do fall apart after the phone call but glad I found this group. Big hugs to you Solitarymomma and sadspirit. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Absolutely staypoz03!! I am usually always upbeat when I talk to my kiddo or visit him and he has so far been able to stay very positive throughout this whole thing. When I wrote the original message after finding this group I was having a very very low moment and just wanted to reach out to someone who would understand. So glad I found this group and was able to vent a little of the steam. It was exactly what I needed in order to pick myself back up and move on. *HUGS* back and thank you for the thought :)

I was a member of prison talk way back when and IMHO this is a far better site! Everyone here is very supportive all the time. I ran into a lot of judgemental people there; I don't know maybe it's changed from 6 years ago.

As for loved one being far away, my guy is 216 miles away and I don't drive, however my best friend gave me the awesome suggestion of saving up to at least see him once a year and that's what I'm planning on doing next year! 2017 baby here I come!!