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Is it possible for a mother to date/live with RSO?

EdwardsJ85
EdwardsJ85

Please...before reading this....I ask you not judge my priorities as a mother, my judgement as a woman, or my boyfriend for his lack of knowledge and need for validation at a younger age.  I just feel I'm getting judged everywhere else and I need a break...


I recently fell in love with a man that immediately told me "I'm on house arrest for exchanging sexual pictures with a 16-year old when I was 18.  I've already served 4.5 of my 6 years of it."  I almost stopped talking to him when he told me...but something told me to continue to get to know him...and I've loved every minute.  He's the kindest, gentlest, smartest, funniest man I've ever met and I'm madly in love.  I was supposed to go see him two days ago, trip was booked and everything.  He'd even sent me the money to pay for my whole trip.  My mother was going to keep my daughter for a few days so I could...and then my mom googled his name and saw his picture.  She then refused to watch my daughter so I could see him, telling me I'm "dragging my daughter down with me" and that he'd never be allowed to live with us, my daughter would be stigmatized, etc.  For the past week, he and I have cried over it.  He feels his situation has cost us the opportunity to be happy together; to possibly build a family one day.  



I know all he did was exchange pictures with this girl and that there was no biplence, contact, or harrassment.  I've seen the reports, artocles, etc.  (He sent them to me directly, so I'd know every detail he told me was true). I already hate that he got such a harsh sentence for just what he did, but now I feel as if the first time I've TRULY been in love...is being snatched away.  Is it possible for someone to live with a RSO if they already have a child?


 

Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Hey no judgment here!
Ok first of sit down with the information that you have on his case and go through it with your mum it should give her a better understanding of his charges than what Google would.
Yes it is possible that you guys can be together but and a big but you can expect cps or child services to be involved in some way, also it might be hard for your daughter to have sleep overs or for him to do school stuff with you. Iam not trying to put you off just telling you the facts.
His pretty lucky really to get house arrest mine did 4 years for something he didn't do.
Also have a look at families of so's theres a lot of information on that page.
Ms.901996C
Ms.901996C
16 and 18. He got 6 years for exchanging pictures with a 16 yr old?
The age of consent here where I live is 16.
I always thought if the age difference is 5yrs or less then it's considered ok if both consent and she's over 16.

Not judging hun...just curious to know if he's telling you all the details and being completely honest with you.
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Ms901996c she all the documents i very much doubt his bs her. Heres the things with sex offenses age can co.e into but if a parent doesn't like what the teenager daughter is doing then the parents can come out and say xyz and land the boy on the register, there has been kids put on it for playing doctor there are people like my man who was falsely accused it happens more then what you think. Sex offenses are far more complicated than what you think.
Ms.901996C
Ms.901996C
Very complicated to say the least. Thanks for the clarification suchas. :)
EdwardsJ85
EdwardsJ85
@Ms.901996C, I appreciate your concern, but as @suchaslife stated, I've seen his FULL background check, his documentation of his full charges, and the newspaper article. He has been COMPLETELY transparent with me, which is what I admire so much about him. He knew it could cost him a relationship with someone, but wanted to be 100% honest. He apparently doesn't qualify for the "Romeo and Juliet" clause, because he was sexually texting with two different girls at the time, dating neither of them. Suchaslife, I appreciate you pointing me to another thread for additional support too. One thing I've already learned from here....I now refer to my boyfriend's status as SO, rather than saying the words, when he and I talk about it. When I said SO, he cried and thanked me for saying that than saying the whole thing, because when he hears the whole thing, it makes him feel like a criminal. Thanks for helping make this easier on both of us!
Pharrah
Pharrah
I think it's absolutely possible for you to have a life together, but you're going to have to set up boundaries with the other people in your life, because you can't change how they think/feel and it's going to take time (and patience!) for you guys to get to a point where other people stop trying to interfere with your relations and interject their two cents into every conversation.

But you're not going to get any judgment here. Honestly, I think it's pretty ridiculous that this is something he even has to deal with at all- he was only 2 years older than her! At any other stage of their lives (older OR younger) it would have been perfectly acceptable, but "18" is some kind of magic number that somehow makes things different? Please. Sorry for the tangent, but that's always infuriated me. I'm glad that he was open and honest with you, though, that makes a huge difference, and I hope everything works out for you both!
EdwardsJ85
EdwardsJ85
@Pharrah, I absolutely agree with you that he's a sex offender for being TWO years older than her. I also feel it's STUPID that if they were dating, she could have been 14 and he 18 and he wouldn't be a SO, but because they weren't, he is. My mom asks me why I'm with him, knowing he's a RSO. She asks if it's low self-esteem, thinking I can't do any better. I know I'm amazing, so that's not it. I am a catch and he tells me that every day. I'm with him because he has shown me time and time again what love feels like. I've been married before and never in love like this....
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Have you sat down and shown your mum the case information on him?? It sounds like she is having a hard job in understanding things.
Pharrah
Pharrah
A lot of people who have never met anyone in a situation like this or known someone personally (outside of the horror stories they see in the media) get hung up on labels. They hear "sex offender" and their minds are already made up before they know any of the details, without realizing that a "sex offender" can be something as silly as someone peeing on the sidewalk.

You could try explaining it to your mother (hopefully you'll have better luck than I did haha) but at the end of the day, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. She'll either come around or she won't, but you can't let your happiness hang on that decision!