Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Its been almost a year that my son has been in jail. We're still waiting for all the court stuff, trials, sentencing, etc. There's times that I was doing good. But i have been shutting down for a few months. I do have a large family, but it's hard for everyone. Either they don't know what to say or I just want to be alone. But then that's when my mind runs off and it's been harder for me to get back on track. I'm thinking it was the holidays. 1st holiday with him not here. I do have other kids so I try my best to hide it from them. Sorry about rambling here. My son only has me. He does write his sisters and they write him. So he is receiving letters. i help as much as I can w money and stuff. Being a single mom, well it's not easy. I don't know how to live my life anymore. I think too much of everything. Everyone tells me that thsi was not my fault in anyway. But that will never stop the guilt. I know I will have that rest of my life. Well, sorry for this not making any sense. Guess once I started writing stuff down, it just came rushing out. Thanks for hearing me out whoever reads this!!!
I put money on his calling account but am hesitant to put money on his book (we were the victims of his crimes so it is complicated) however I caved this Christmas and put some on it. Mistake. Our state is one of the few (only) that allows inmates to smoke (outside). Of course he bought cigarettes and promptly got busted for smoking inside. His response was "they should let us smoke inside anyway." So, he still doesn't get it. He still thinks the rules are not for him.
Even though my brain knows I did not cause my son to commit the crimes my heart wonders if it was, some how, my fault. I wrestle with it daily. Most people see me as a happy, confident person. They don't know what is going on inside me.
It helps to know you are not alone. Hang in there.
There is no reason to feel guilty. It isn't your fault, nothing about you as a mother caused whatever he is in for.
I know how hard it is to just go on without them. Yes, the holidays make it harder. But we just go through the motions, for others in our life.
We can only do what we can do. I am guilty of giving him more than I can afford, making him call more than he should because I miss him. We go through this too, right along with them. We may not be IN the prison, but everything about our life changed the minute they got in trouble.
I send him letters, get what I can for him from catalogs they are allowed to order from. Mine is into crafts, which end up being really cool things he sells to make money to pay for his own canteen, and sometimes he even sends me money.
Letters are not only important to them to keep in touch with their outside world, but it's sort of a status symbol. Those who get more mail are looked at better for some silly reason. It shows they have people who care.
I also write to his uncle in FL who is in jail, and he just thanks me over and over. Says I am his ray of sunshine in a crappy situation.
I write to fianc's nephew in a Illinois prison too. Oh yes I do know people in prison. All his family right now. This kid has no one else giving him any love and attention. I can't send him money though. Lost my job a month ago, just starting a new one, so just scraping by.
It's important to them, to brighten up their day as much as that is possible.
I send my fianc the latest local news that he would want to know about, I tell him about our granddaughter, I send him pictures of the grandkids or anything he might want to see. If I crunch the car... I send a picture so he can see how bad. If I paint a room, yes, he gets a picture of that too. I keep him feeling a part of this life out here.
I go visit when I can. We play games, talk, etc. This time, he is in on a bogus probation violation for another 2 years. Was out 10 months, after over 3 years in.
So yes, I know how sad we get. BUT you just have to force yourself out of your depression, keep busy even if you want to curl up in a ball and sleep til he is out. And if you are out doing things you have more to write to him about or tell him on the phone about. Now, my fianc calls so much every day, we run out of things to say.
Sometimes I get really depressed and do the poor me, I can't function stuff. It only hurts my life. And he don't need to feel worse about what he did.
Get on here often. I have been on this site over 8 years. Off and on I always have someone on here. We help each other get through. I actually made one good friend in FL, eight years ago on here. She isn't on anymore, but son is still in trouble. We now talk daily on the FB chat line. You do make some wonderful friends. Some will seek you out if you don't " talk" to them often. They check up on you, they console you, listen to you vent, and vice versa.
There is even one wonderful woman called Suchaslife, she is in Australia. It is the most special group of people you will ever talk to but probably never meet.
We used to have a chat line on here, but that disappeared. Wish they still had it.
I met one girl who actually used to live in the same town as I did, so we had a lot in common. I was broke down once after visiting him miles from home. She happened to call me on the phone and I was so distraught, with a broken car, no money and no way to get home. I was going to sleep in my car. She paid for my hotel room that night. Never met her. My fianc was right down the road and couldn't help me. So the next day I walked 2 miles to go see him in 90 degree heat. Then he found me someone though a guy in the prison that towed me home. That's another story for another time. Pretty scary actually. Strangers who had been drinking and did drink while pulling my car. It was bad, but I got home.
We go through many things while they are in. We have to learn to focus on what's necessary. And things will be ok, as ok as they can be.
Come on a lot. Someone will always respond to you. Message me if you want to.
Sorry you have to be going through this, but welcome to the group.
People who judge should look in their own closets. They all have things they don't want people to know. I just don't talk to people that are like that and if I can avoid them, I don't have a thing to do with them. Hard when it's co workers, but who are they to judge. AND law enforcement people definitely do bad things too, they just can cover it up because they are in that profession. They are not squeaky clean themselves.