Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Little background: Back in December my fiancé was coerced into taking a plea (30 to life). Now he's finally situated at his prison after that long transfer period. This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. I try to find ways to cope but I haven't been that successful. It doesn't help either that I have no one to talk to about this but him. And of course I don't always want to talk to him about certain things in case it upsets him. So I was finally able to visit him. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The staff were actually kind of nice (he's at Wheeler in Georgia). The hardest thing was having to be so close to him but not able to touch him. Are you able to kiss them? I mean a hug is okay but jeez. At least he's able to hold our son (he's 8 months). It was his first time seeing him in person. The jail he was at only had webcam visits. The thing I'm struggling with now is like his family. So of course he wants our son and I to have a relationship with his family. I did go visit some a few weeks ago (he's from Alabama). The only thing is being around them makes me sad because he's not there. Then being around his aunt makes me sadder because I have to watch her, her husband, and kids. Like this happy little family. That really bothers me because I know it'll be awhile before my family can be together. Anyone else ever dealt with anything similar? This whole thing is so new to me. I'm just trying to take things one day at a time and be strong for my family.
That's good he got to see/hold the baby! As for kissing I heard something like a quick smooch or so, you know since you can't go all tongue or so lol, trying to make you laugh :) But at least you get to see him, I'm a state away and I wish I could see him as much as I want.
It's hard being in this lonely boat of prison gf/fiance/wives as people look down on us for loving our guys, but for some reason they were chosen to cross paths in our life so try to keep your head and positive thoughts! Believe me I know there are days it's easier said than done! On those days, like today, I write him just to say I love him! Trust me there's no such thing as writing too much. Never be afraid of telling him about how you feel, he needs to know what's going on. Keeping the lines of communication open are important, but super important because of the circumstances.
Continue to take it one day at a time and take care of yourself so you can be the best mom/fiance! There'll be days when you may want to throw in the towel, but keep going! Sending big hugs!!
He was nervous our son would treat him funny (he got locked up 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant so he missed my entire pregnancy). But he didn't. I mean we would webcam visit him and I always show my son his pictures. I want him to know his father and have a relationship with him, even if we don't work out. I mean he gave me a kiss but I don't think he was suppose to. I'll have to ask the guards next time. I don't want any trouble to stop our visits. Yeah I guess I should be happy I can see him. I mean he's barely 3 hrs away. I know that's a blessing because he could have been much further. Plus my older brother is at the same prison so he looks after my guy.
Yeah no one can really relate to us. Most people assume your just suppose to go on with your life like they don't exist. Oh trust me I write him all the time and we talk about everyday. But that's going to have to decrease I'm sure you know how expensive phone calls are. Our communication is actually great. I mean I try to hide things but he knows me so well he can sense when something's up. So he'll pry it out of me. But I know in situations like this communication is golden. I mean we're basically all just in emotional relationships.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I really needed those. I guess I was just having one of those days. As I'm sure you know, I spend so much time being strong and being that shoulder for him and our son. And of course sometimes it just takes its toll. But even on those days all I can think about is how much I love him.
My guy is 3 hours away too, it's just that I don't drive and have a circle of friends and/or family for the trip. I'm planning to go see him later this year fingers crossed!
Isn't it amazing how they know stuff about us even as we try to hide it from them? I always feel like I've definitely hit the love jackpot! I never have to pay for calls because he has a calling card. Maybe you can have him look into that. It's still expensive since he has to add money to it, so we talk once a month, twice if we're lucky, but that's one less bill you'd have to worry about.
You're welcome anytime! We that are in these relationships know everyday isn't going to be sunshine and rainbows, however with all the craziness in the world going on around us, I'll take a ray of sunshine and kind words over a cloud and unkind words anyday!
It's hilarious. I always think I'm doing such a good job of hiding things. Then he's like tell me what's up. Omg. Yes. I feel like so happy to have found just a amazing love. I know people would think it's crazy but it's just such a great feeling. Despite the circumstances.