Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
hello all i just entered a relationship with a inmate can someone help me coping skills
thanks to all could use friends here as not everyone will understand and its hard to not be able to share
Pambi
thanks to all could use friends here as not everyone will understand and its hard to not be able to share
Pambi
Give yourself time to adjust to him being in there, and if you don't know him that well, just be cautious of what you do for him, and what you tell others. It is no one's business but yours how you feel and what you do.
Being involved with someone in prison is sad, lonely, frustrating, and miserable. And that's not all of it. You will hate the justice system and corrections departments. They do unfair things no one understands why.
Then you have the guy. They get moody, angry at the world, needy of your time, attention and money. You will feel sorry for them and go out of your way to help them. Sometimes they appreciate, sometimes they really learn to expect you to do anything for them no matter if you can afford it or not. I can say that and I have been with mine 16 years.
They can't get crabby to other inmates or staff, so at times when they are agitated they take it out on you.
They can promise you that they will change and never go back in. Sometimes they mean it, and they come out and do ok. Sometimes they mean it, but it's easy to think that way in there, but when life and reality hits out here, they go back in.
They may try SO hard to do it right this time when they get out, but they are no longer used to handling normal things. They had a roof over their head, 3 meals, and lots of free time. They were deprived of freedom of every kind. So they want to do everything they missed out on when they get out.
Mine went wild SHOPPING, spending, taking loans, trying to buy a house for us, and a car. We got jobs together, which worked great until we both got laid off. Lost both incomes. Now the world came crashing in on him. He went back to drinking, got in trouble doing that... a long story, and landed back in after only being home 10 months.
Another thing about probation is, in our state and many others, the probation officer is not there to guide them to live a better, trouble free life. They are there to watch and wait for them to mess up so they can put them back in. They miss an appointment, or leave the state without permission from the PO, they go back in. That's why mine is in again for 2 years after being home 10 months, and being in almost 4 years before that.
It is a terrible way to live. You want to be with them. You want to share your life with them and have a bit of help living too. But they aren't there.
You cry, you miss them, then you will also get mad at yourself for loving them, and missing them. When they get crabby to you, because they can't take out their frustrations and anger at being there on anyone there, you are miserable and you wonder why you put up with it.
Then they call all nice, and you MISS them again. It is a rollercoaster of emotions.
You have to be strong to make it through it no matter how long they are in. Then if you act more independent and stronger around them, they don't like it. They like us to want their opinions, advice, and if we don't take it, that's not the woman they met. Gee, I think it is because we have to learn to be strong to tough it out, handle all the life problems and criticisms of other people about them.
That's it in a nutshell. Not a completely happy reply but it is what it is.
Some couple survive it all, and are ok. Others don't make it after they get out. It isn't the same.
When they are in there, you ARE their world, especially if other family and friends have abandoned them. When they get out, they reeeeeally want their freedom, even from us at times. They sometimes feel like we are their jailer now, because we get scared when they leave they will go back to their old patterns that put them in prison.
So there it is. You get to decide if you believe it or not. I am a VETERAN of this. Son was in a few times, fiance in several times.
I have experienced practically every kind of thing and emotion you can go through loving a person in prison.
I have waited almost 4 years, once 2 years, once 18 months, once 10 months, because I had a relationship with him before and I knew who he really was. Question is, do you know him that well to wait and devote your life to him, long distance?