Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
My husband was arrested 15 months ago. I have looked for a group to join or talk to. As much as my family tries to help its hard to talk to them because I don't feel like they understand what I am going through. My friends are non-existent. Friends of 20 have bailed on me.My in-laws were there for the first few months but now its just what they need me to do for them. I am going through a rough time again I am on the 4th night with NO sleep. I just worry and stress and cant relax to go to sleep. My doctor gave me Xanex to help me sleep but I don't want to take it or don't even think about taking it until its 3 am and I am still awake but then I don't have enough time.
My son and fiance for awhile kept taking turns going in, and out. Now son is out and doing good, and fiance is in again. I never left, even when I had no one in.
These people here are going through similar things. They all needed support in the beginning and on going still. We talk,we sympathize and we understand.
Gotta say that it does get somewhat better after the first few weeks or months, but know that you will still have those moments you will be sad, or angry. That's normal Life as you know it changed the minute the person you love got in trouble. You mourn the loss of them in your daily life. You worry about them, and you suffer so many things including thinking about what if this hadn't happened, how life would be for them, and you. You suffer at the thought of the life they should be having and are missing. There is nothing you can do to change it, and that upsets us too. But you can stay strong as you possibly can, whether that sounds impossible now, or not.
They need to know we are doing ok. They don't need the added stress of feeling how much they have hurt us and disrupted our lives.
It has taken me a long time to get there, but you gotta realize that you have other things in life, other people to focus on too. Just as they weren't your only concern before this happened, they stll aren't.
My fiance went to prison one year ago again, after only being out 10 months. I went through a long grieving period. You would think I would be used to it, but you never are.
Just recently, I decided to start living. They like hearing good things we are doing. They like to live those experiences through us.
I started doing things, seeing my grandkids and kids. My fiance enjoys calling to see what I am doing when I am with them too.
Give yourself time to " grieve" this catastrophe, then give yourself permission to LIVE.
It will make you feel better if you at first push yourself out that door to do something rather than laying there crying. Little by little it gets easier to go out and do things.
I don't really go out with friends much. I don't like hearing their comments, or getting their uneducated advice.
BUT the grandkids are my salvation.
I haven't been on much since my partner was released in May, but. I wanted to respond to your comment because in my experience, lack of sleep was the most harmful factor in terms of what I dealt with while he was incarcerated. I had plenty of problems, as we all do when we're trying to get through this, but they were the most overwhelming to me when I was sleep deprived. I became severely depressed, lost my appetite, withdrew from everyone and everything, and suffered acute loneliness. When I finally was able to sleep, after months of only 2-3 hours a night, my mood changed dramatically. I felt sad, still, and I struggled with missing him, but I was able to eat, talk with people again, and see a light at the end of the tunnel. Sleep is critical to your well-being. Try some chamomile tea, valerian tea, catnip tea, California poppy tincture at bedtime, and warm baths. Make your bedroom your sanctuary- put cozy pillows and blankets on your bed, pictures or mementos that help you feel less lonely, scented candles if you like those, and turn off any tv, computer, phone or bright lights an hour before you actually want to fall asleep. Play music if that helps. Use a very soft light and read books that help relax you. Try some positive affirmations- tell yourself that everything is going to be all right. Give yourself permission to really rest.
I hope you find some respite from the insomnia. Wishing you well.
Be Greatful for the strength that you find in yourself. Because maybe this was part of your path as well
To find strength, and courage, and yourself.
My man has been gone 13 months.
He also has had some medical issues and had to have emergency surgery, which I was not informed of.
Luckily he is super tough and is healing well.
If you ever need to talk or vent I here
Take Care
You will feel better soon.