Its a one day at a time thing.......welcome iam sorry that you need us but this is really one of the best places that you can be! We don't judge and we have pretty much been though all the emotions and havd helped each other though it all and then some.
As for her bi polar well she needs the right doctor to help her i hate to say this but don't expect to much from the system for help for her.... (ive watched my mum and dad go though this with my brother ) one thing you can do is set a budget and tell her thats all what she will be getting while she is in......you should if you want to order her things.
Come hear whenever you want or need to theres normally someone hear!

Thanks for your response. This anticipation of waiting for the day is killing me but I did hear from my grandson last night which was the light of my day. I'm going to try to focus on the good things that happen in a day instead of all the bad and the unknown future. I know, it sounds good, but can I really do it? I do believe in God and pray for his guidance. I pray for God's grace to sustain my grandkids and help them also get through this without being too affected. I am in hopes that someday she can find a good doctor who can help. It sees that when you're low income you don't have too much choice. Caseworkers, social workers, etc. come and go so fast that it's hard to keep a good pattern of treatment. I am going to keep on this site because I do think it helps to write these things out.

Yes you can do this theres almost something good that happens each day just gotta look for it!
unfortunately there's a stingma that is attached to mental health problems wich there shouldn't be but that might also explain they fast trune over of helth care she has been having. Unfortunately these problems can effect the whole family in different ways so be on the look out. Theres a group on here for people who are bipolar maybe thats something she could look into when shd is home?
yes this site is a big help and the writing helps a lot too.

I just read that your daughter is bi polar too, and how the med's affected her. THIS is why mine won't stay on his and ends up back in trouble. And I used to get mad at him for stopping them, and didn't understand WHY he wouldn't take them to have a better life. Until I got put on med's. Not for being bi polar, something else completely different. But they made me sick and groggy too. So I stopped them and so I am still in pain, can barely walk after working a few hours. I am stupid too then for not taking something that can help that problem, but how do you live groggy and sick? This is a problem your daughter and my fiance have. To stay fairly "normal", you have to take the drugs. BUT then they make you sick and groggy and you can't function in your daily life. So why can't doctors figure out how to prevent those side effects? If they could, then WE wouldn't be handling all the problems the ones we love have because of being bi polar.

I feel bad for you, you are handling a lot. And yes, it does drain you mentally, physically and financially. I don't know what else we can do. If you are like me, and I think you are, we can't find a way out of this. Because we love them, and if we don't help them, and take care of them, who will?

I did sit for months and months after his last arrest, just crying, pacing, not sleeping, OR taking benadryl type pills to sleep away the sadness and time. I didn't have a job when he got arrested, which for a bit was good. I couldn't of handled it. BUT it was also the worst. Not just for the money.

Once I got out and started working again, things did get better. I had another purpose to my day. I had money to pay bills, pay for things he needed and his calls, and I felt better about myself.

I also just dug in and decided to LIVE. I went to see elderly neighbors and helped them a lot. I got busy with my grandkids, I found things to do that in the first months of him being gone, I didn't do. I couldn't leave my house.

My " history" in this crappy justice system problems is: My son started getting arrested when he was 17. He was in county workhouses and jails, for a few months at a time, then prison for four years. My fiance has been in prison at least 4 times since we met 16 years ago. Once was 18 months. Once was 13 moths I think, once was 3.5 years.. home ten months, back in with a 2 year sentence, which he has 9 months left.

Yes I know how depressing, draining and financially ruining this is. I also know how lonely it is. How you think of what you might of done different to help them NOT go to jail or prison. BUT realistically there was nothing I could of done.

KEEP busy.. so busy your brain can't get sad or think of her all the time.

Keep on here. It is the best thing I found. I couldn't find any support groups anywhere near me, or farther, to go to for face to face support groups. I don't think there are any. WE are the people that no one wants to acknowledge and help. Except on here. I have been here over 9 years.

What lives we lead! Do you ever just sit back and wonder how this all happened? I went to my granddaughter's elementary music concert last night. My daughter and her boyfriend were there (she goes to jail in a week). She looked so beautiful sitting there with pride watching her girl. I don't think anyone in the room would ever think that this woman has been through so much in the criminal justice system. It makes me wonder what goes on in the human brain. What makes her sabotage her life so much? I wish somehow we could get to the root of it. I used to always tell her that she is her own worst enemy and it's so very true. I also wonder just how many times in life you get knocked down before you can't get back up. Things were just getting better for her. She got a part time job that worked well with her daughter's school schedule only to have to quit. She was arrested about a month ago when she was at Walmart and opened a package of eyeliner. She went into the dressing room with a couple of shirts to try on and there was a knock at the door and it was the police. She never got out of the store and had money to pay but I guess it doesn't matter. It is steal considered stealing. With a prior record like she has, that's all it takes. They told her that she could face 6-16 yrs. and offered her a deal of 4 months in jail and 3 months house arrest. She would not let us get an attorney because she is too afraid to take a chance at losing and getting more time. Her sitting in jail for 4 months isn't going to help her in any way, he only thing it does is hurt the people who love and need her. I so wish we would have found a good doctor before this. We let our guard down and thought she was going to be OK. She has been for 4 yrs. or so I thought. I never thought of this as a life sentence but I guess I was wrong. I spoke to my 20 yr. old grandson he about this the other night. He said maybe God is saving her right now from something worse that could have happened. He's away in New York City living with his aunt, going to college and just got a job. He's been a pretty good kid for all he's been through and I'm so proud. He's doing this all on his own. Sometimes I think that all his mom's problems have helped him to know how important it is to not put yourself in any position to get in trouble. I could just go on and on here but I have to stop thinking so much. That's my biggest problem. One day my brain is going to explode or I'll have a stroke like my mother did. She is physically healthy but she can't communicate much anymore. I think it was from stress and worry about the things she had no control over.

I do think of how this all could of happened to me many times. But the answer I guess is I chose in a way to stay, so I chose to let it happen to me. In your heart though, you know you can't just give up on them. I do blame it on the system for not recognizing earlier that he had a mental health problem. And even after they knew, they did nothing. Which proves to me they don't want to fix those problems. I had criminal justice classes that told how the system works and that they know prison isn't going to try to change them.

MAYBE in a way, going to jail may help her. Give her time to think. She maybe has to be miserable to get it through her head. MAYBE she has to think about that concert she was at with her daughter and all the other things she will miss.

My son said something once that really helped me. I was crying about him being in prison. He said " Mom, I belong here. If this hadn't happened I would of done something worse. I may of killed someone or they might of killed me. This is where I belong."

I believe that when he said that, it had clicked in his brain finally this is not what he wanted for his life. He knew what he was doing to all of us. Until she gets to that point, she won't change.

He did turn his life around, and now has a wonderful family, lots of kids, and nice things. He works hard now, doing it the right way to earn money. It took alot of crying, and going through so many legal messes. Lots of fighting between us, lots of hugs too.

All you can do is what you can do. We are limited in that. Loving her is tough when you always have to wonder what she does when not in front of you. My son told me " Mom, you don't want to know all the things I have done that I am not proud of".

He was a terrible kid for years, but prison actually saved him, he says.

If she has to be in just 4 months, it may be a blessing in disguise. You won't see it that way, but it really gives them time to reflect on their actions and what they want from life.

It is tough being their mom, going through all that we must. But it's called a mother's unconditional love. SOME don't have that, and they end up worse off. She should be glad you are there for her. Someday she will see that more clearly.

It's disgusting and ridiculous to incarcerate someone for four months for such a petty thing! The corrupt and greedy prison system is feeding off of people like your daughter. It makes me so angry! I'm sorry for your troubles.

I agree angeladam, but I also feel guilty by agreeing that I am condoning her behavior. I feel used and abused by the legal system. It so much seems to be about money and keeping people under their thumb. Now as if things couldn't get any worse, I find that the property where I work and live is being sold at the end of the month and the management company I work for is not going to be used. I have to cross my fingers that I'll be a part of the new team that comes aboard. I have the news on in the background and they are showing a new ISIS video implying attacks at Times Square. That's where my grandson goes to school, beside Madison Garden. How much fear and anxiety can a person take? I believe every facet of my life is in jeopardy. I need to put my faith in God and pray that he brings me through this.

It just seems the world has turned upside down. So much trouble everywhere. I am glad your grandson is ok.
There is a bunch of stuff going on in Minneapolis, not far from my folks house. Bunch of crazy fools blocking the streets and freeways, now for four days surrounding a police precinct. Who does that and gets away with it? Not sure why the cops can't get it under control. They are barricaded inside by huge groups of protesters. They even went as far as going inside the police station and were seen smoking pot IN that building and the cops were helpless to do anything?? When does it stop? Maybe today since there is lots of rain, some snow and 40mph winds. HAHA the weather might stop what the cops can't.
I am not a cop lover, but this is in my mom's area where if they needed emergency assistance, the cops can't get to them. Can't get their darn cop cars out of the parking lot.
Everywhere you look, there is something bad going on. Someone suffering. I try to look at my problems as not as bad as other people's that are so much worse. I have the people I love. Things might be good right now, but I have them to love.

Gee I hope your parents are OK. You're right, there's just too much heartache and trouble in this world. I think my main problem anymore is wishing for the easy way out. I want someone else to take on all the stress and worry. It's such a pipe dream though. I think if I only could win the lottery most of this stress would go away. I'm just so full of the what ifs: what if this happens, what if that happens. I want to be prepared on all parts and I'm not prepared for any of them. I try to lose myself in work but that's also a source of uncertainty. I feel old and worn out and I ant to hide away for the next 4 months. I don't have much of a social life. I manage a student housing community and the residents come and go. I live on the property, too (which is another problem) and my brother and sister live about 4 hours away. I have my work friends but those are not the kind to share my personal life with. I'm so embarrassed and depressed about my entire life. Where's that train to catch that will drop me off in a different part of the country? LOL Yikes, I'm really feeling sorry for myself now. I need to try to find that bright side to look to.

It's ok to feel sorry for ourselves sometimes. Must be because I sure feel sorry for me today. Somebody's got to. Today I discovered I have a car problem. Could be huge, could be something simple. But I can't figure it out til tomorrow, can't go see him, and he is upset. HE IS?? I am the one who has to deal with it. He said I suppose this is my fault because I am here. I wanted to say YES IT IS.. I just said, Oh I gotta go to work, I will deal with it, like everything else. Good bye. And I hung up. I was crabby at work. I called a parts store on my break to see how much a fuel pump would be, just for the part if that's it. $339.. not including labor. BUT my neighbor who is a mechanic came in, he said it may be just a chip, which is about 3 dollars and a few minutes to put it in. He has a scanner thing that he can attach somewhere on the car and figure it out in seconds. So he is coming tomorrow.
I saw that my fiance called while I was working. I suppose he is pacing, trying to figure out what to do. Dummy told me just to leave it and save to buy a new car. That was before work. I answered, Ok, I will see you in AUGUST then.
I can't call him to tell him it might not be that bad. He had told me to WALK to work. I have plantar faciitis in my feet, arthritis in my knee and hip, and circulation problems which makes my feet swell, and sciatica. Yep I can walk to work, NO PROBLEM.
Car starts and runs, then kills, then starts and may go 10 miles may konk out in a block, but I only live 2 blocks from work, so I DROVE THE DAMN THING, and I got home fine. Was not going to walk and freeze and limp. So yes, I feel sorry for me today. And I should.
Give yourself a break and think it's ok to know your life is temporarily crappy and you don't have to smile and act happy all the time. Then pick yourself up and get busy figuring out the problem.

I hope you find your car problem is not as bad as it could be. Funny hoe people behind bars can give you advice on the things you have to deal with. Sounds great to say walk to work, when he doesn't have to. Sometimes I think they have it better on the inside because they don't have to deal with all the problems that come up and can't be there to help. Today I feel angry at myself because I can't quit thinking of all the really bad things that can happen while my daughter is in jail. She doesn't have to deal with them, I do. It is not fair. I don't understand why I always have to think of the worst. My mind keeps going back to what I could have done to prevent this. Things were rolling along pretty well for her except for money and this just hit me like a brick. Nothing in my life feels any kind of stability right now. I keep asking myself why did this have to happen. Does God hate us so much? Then I feel guilty because there are so many other people a lot worse off than I am. I wish I didn't feel so much and could get out of this trap my brain has me in. I know they teach one day at a time, but I just don't seem to be able to learn it. There has to be a reason for all of this but I don't know what it could be.