Hello and welcome! i just started this journey with my boyfriend about a month ago and it is also my first time going through this. And like you we do not know yet about how much time we are looking at. So we are in the same boat. This site has been really helpful for me because i feel like i can vent to people who understand, as i don't feel i can talk to any friends about this in fear of judgment and what not. I will not judge you and if you ever need to talk feel free to message me. What i can say so far is try your best to look at the positives, even though it has only been a month but boyfriend has taken up many classes in jail and there has deffeniltly been a positive change already in him. Writing letters to him is also a must as it allows both of you to express emotions and it gives you the sense of being able to talk to him whenever you are getting emotional. but do try and stay strong for him, he needs your love and support now more then ever. If your anything like me you are probably most fixed on what the scenting will be, because that is how i have been, and i still have to wait 5 more weeks until the first court date. But we have to just keep pushing that off in our minds and praying for the best outcome. But worrying about it doesn't help so try and keep yourself busy and push that thought to the side. We can deal with the outcome after it happens. I hope all the best for you both.

Thank you so much for your comment. We are only going on day 4 and we have such a long road ahead that it's just tearing everyone apart. I'm trying to think of things to talk about when he makes his calls, because we can't discuss certain things and of course I want to keep him positive too no matter what.

Its a horrible situation to be in, i hate it! Were all told to be strong, i struggle with it. I remember on day 4 i was crying my heart out everyday, not sleeping nor eating. Its a hard transition. I hope your ok and looking after yourself.. were all here if you need a chat, a rant a vent anything. As we all know this situation is hard! I hope your ok xxx

Time does heal the pain the anger the hurt. I know you probably have million emotions running through your head. Remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, i thought i wouldn't be able to do what i did. But we did it and it made us both stronger. You just need to remember who you are , where you came from and take care of yourself. At first its not easy of course, but it does get easier with time. I always thought about it this way... their is reason why things happen the way they do. Our men had choices ... just like we do, just because he is inside it doesn't mean your life should be falling apart ... you need to continue living with him or without him. It's part of life... life is unexpected, we just need to cherish what we have ... people die, young kids die from cancer, we cant change that. your bf or husband is still alive he is eating and he is breathing and so are you. It takes a strong women to get thru this rides, its not easy but if you both choose that pass its possible... anything is possible if you put your dedication and mind to it.

I hope this helped at least a lil bit. and welcome to the group!!

I totally get you, I'm sure I have a long journey ahead of me as well, I always get so scared about how long it's going to be but I have to keep pushing that aside. I was the same way with the calls because obviously you can't talk about the case. But after awhile you will learn to just start telling him about your day, how much you love him and that your there for him etc.

How do you all cope with it on a daily basis? I'm trying to stay as strong as possible especially for my children. Is it wrong that I still love him no matter what he has done?

I feel like everyone judges but I truly believe people can change for the good. Yes it takes time I know that. But when someone's there to crush that hope it makes it even more difficult to cope.

Sent you a message

I just tell myself this too shall pass! Somedays are better than others of course. You have to ask yourself the tough question of if what he's done is a deal breaker for you. Sounds to me like you already have your answer since you said you believe people can change for the good! I believe that as well since this time that my fiance's doing was/is his wake up call. I'll end by saying don't let anyone steal your sunshine and crush your dreams for your future!

I messaged you

Hang in there. The first month was the hardest for me. I'm now into month three and I've slowly been moving forward. Every day presents new challenges but I try to put it all in perspective. I have to say, the toughest part is living my own life. I still seem to structure my days around his calls and very often I feel like I'm not interesting enough or don't have enough to say. Then I pull myself back to reality and just take one day at a time. Setting mini goals has helped me. You will get through this, I promise...Also there are some good books available on Google play that talk you through the process. A series by Lennie spitale that walks you through each step. I hope this helps

I appreciate the input. I'll have to look into the books. The days have been a rollercoasternride of emotions. One moment I'm confident that this will be over soon or I tell myself at least it's not forever.

I'm just noticing that it's getting harder for my little ones because they have never been away from their father since they were born.

Have you got photos of him around the house?
One lady i know used to let her granddaughter kiss her daddy's photo before going to bed each night it helped.

Yea I understand this group is good for advise an no judgement I can say jus pray an keep up the faith an love for him cause he will need it for his stay..I m n the same boat...idk how long my fiance has but I pray about it everyday an I m set up for a long wait sometimes God put us in situ
situations to test us...to see if we will fold or do what's right I m not talking about your man I m talking about your spiritual needs...jus focus on God pray about your situation an love your man cause at the end God got the last say...be encouraged..stay strong.

Suchaslife, we do have some photos and the girls pray for him every night before bed.

Desperate4help, I appreciate the advice. I am trying my best to keep myself occupied to make the days go by faster, but when it comes down to the evenings with the kids, it's very very hard. They have been acting up lately and they never have done this. Or one has wet the bed twice in a row...or one doesn't listen and begins the whole "I want daddy..." It's so difficult and when I hear that my heart just breaks.