Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I just had to tell my daughter that her boyfriend od and passed. I was hoping to get some advice before she called. It wasn't a good relationship. But she loved him and I have spent time with him going to see her and all that. We were cordial to him and celebrated holidays with him. But didn't really approve because she is still legally married and I think he is the one that set up . Her husband lives with us. She called and wanted me to check on him. When I got there his parents were there and the police. I stayed till the coroner left with him.
I just got off the phone with the Jail Lt. He is going to pull her and get the chaplain in to work with her.
I worry for her dealing with this. I dont even think she will be able to go to the funeral. Oh wow did I just say funeral. I am so beside myself. How can this be. I dont know how to help her. She was so happy. I hired someone to cut her hair. She loved it and was so excited that the cutting was going to a good cause. The she asked about him. I just said im sorry she asked if he was in jail. I said no but I wish he was. Then told her he passed. She dropped the phone and lost it. my heart is broken for her and I can help her. How do we deal with this? How do I help her deal with this?
I just got off the phone with the Jail Lt. He is going to pull her and get the chaplain in to work with her.
I worry for her dealing with this. I dont even think she will be able to go to the funeral. Oh wow did I just say funeral. I am so beside myself. How can this be. I dont know how to help her. She was so happy. I hired someone to cut her hair. She loved it and was so excited that the cutting was going to a good cause. The she asked about him. I just said im sorry she asked if he was in jail. I said no but I wish he was. Then told her he passed. She dropped the phone and lost it. my heart is broken for her and I can help her. How do we deal with this? How do I help her deal with this?
My fiance has lost a couple family members while in prison in the past. First one was his mother. She was very sick. They came to him, gave him the choice of going to say goodbye to her, or going to the funeral. He was so distraught, they didn't take him to the hospital. He got taken in handcuffs and shackles to the funeral. But he couldn't be there during the funeral, just a few minutes before with one family friend. It was awful for him. And he said he would of been humiliated to have people see him there, that way.
He had to deal with it alone in prison.
Then a few years ago, his sister in law died unexpectedly on her 40th birthday. I had to tell him. He was in a minimum security jail in MN. They were so nice to him, and me. They let me come there late at night. He got to sit next to me and hold my hand as I told him. He cried,
He had to sit alone there and grieve. But he got through it.
I don't know how your daughter will handle it, but for the most part they are treated ok during these times. All you can do is talk to her, and love her.
We don't know what the guy and your daughter's future would of been, but you do know that she loved him. Give her the time to grieve. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were with their relationship. They loved each other. That's all she will focus on now. She will be sad she wasn't there for him. But it wasn't in her control.
There is no easy way to have told her.
My son was in prison when his then girlfriend and mom of his baby was in a horrendous accident. A person she was with, cheating on him with, died. My son was told, and he did such a noble thing. He did not react badly because of the man she had been with. He had his dad send her flowers and told her in a note dictated to his dad, by him, that he was sorry this had happened, but was very glad she lived and would still be a mommy to their daughter.
People handle these things better than we expect. They know that while in there many things can happen that they can't be there for.
Just keep in contact with her. Let her be crabby, cry, or just talk about their times together. I know you will.
She did love him and I will keep that in mind. I have cried with her and told her how sorry I am about this. I am calling her friends so they can go to the funeral. Im exhausted and so sad for her and his family.
She wants me to call her Lawyer and get a stay so that she can come to the funeral. But she has charges from 2 different counties and she is in jail in county 2 hours away. I cant imagine they will let her come. But I will try for her. And even if they do, wow she may be in shackles. Oh my. If she could just see him or his parents alone I think that would at least give her closure.
Thank you again for the words of comfort.
I'm so glad to hear that they are trying to help her!! And that she is somewhere 'safe'!!
You can & will help her simply by ' just being Mom' which it sounds like you are already doing!!
I hope you know we are here for you whenever needed!! Hugs!!