I am so sorry for you and your Gradson... Please don't blame yourself ever..this is addiction and it has no concious! I hope you can talk to other addicts or families so you can really get a feel of how little you could have done .. enabeling him was your natural response..you don't know any better when this hits, how could you? So many of the men in prison were slaves to their addiction and if we could fix it or wish it away or if THEY could they would...I talked to a therapist who recommended Alanon, it is full of people feeling guilt and pain left by others choices.. Your Grandson is so young, maybe as he grows he will see his Dad as someone who was sick and forgive him.. You don't deserve this and you have done what Moms do, you have Loved him and wished the best for him but we can't do it for them..I am so sorry..I hope you find some relief and know you always have support from all of us here and anyone who knows what you are going through! God Bless

wow, this is so sad! Miskim is right in saying not to blame yourself and you can't do it for him. I had a bad drug habit for years and it was me and only me that could decide it was time to be done and that i wanted a different life. don't blame yourself. you did what you thought was helping.
your poor grandson! he does need to be told that his dad is sick. addiction is a selfish illness, but it is an illness. alot of times as an addict you only think of getting high and before you know it you lost it all and than you feel so sad you keep getting high than you finally realize one day the only way is to be DONE with the drugs. you can let him know you care, but he has to do it himself. I hope you will be able to continue to be in your grandson's life.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs to you:)

I wish there were magic words to make this better for you. I think you have to go with the fact you did the best you could. You were and are a good mom. My son made choices to do drugs and deal them. I tried when I realized to stop it, but that didn't work. THEY Have to want to stop. Unfortunately sometimes the only way they do stop is to get arrested. My son commented one time when in prison, " Don't feel bad mom, I am where I needed to be, I wouldn't of stopped otherwise, I thought I had all the answers." Then he said a chilling statement, he said, " Mom, if I hadn't been caught, either I would of died, one way or another, I was dealing with really bad people, doing very bad things, and taking bad drugs. I would of either hurt myself, or hurt someone so bad, I would be in prison maybe forever. I could of OD'd any day, or killed someone. He said Mom You will never know all the horrible things I did to sell drugs and get them, be glad I got caught for just this."

I went to my then husband for help when I first saw things were not right. I got no help from him. He felt I was picking on the kid, or that since he had dabbled in drugs in his teens, and got out of it, our son could too. Part of the reason our marriage fell apart was because of the stupid statements like this my then husband said, and his inability to be a father. I couldn't do it alone, and with him handing my son money, and I knew it wasn't just for gas, I could not help my son. In the end, no one could. He had to face what he had done by being in prison.

Now there is also my fiance, who is an alcoholic. His was a learned and inherited, I feel habit. He grew up around it. Drinking was normal in his family. He also had a father that abandoned his family, except he took one son with. My fiance grew up knowing a whole different meaning of love than I grew up with. I grew up with a stable family. A mom and dad, who didn't drink, who were good parents. BUT my dad had purposely fought to be a good parent, and good man, despite his growing up with an alcoholic and abusive dad, and a very mean, spiteful mom.

My dad was strong enough to make the concious decision he did not want to be what he had seen and learned at home. He somehow knew right from wrong without ever seeing it or love in his family. His siblings all turned out to be alcoholics. His brother died in a fiery car crash because he was drunk.

Those are different scenarios. Only my dad was strong enough to fight what he had grown up with.

My son never actually saw either of his parents, me, or my husband EVER drunk or on drugs. But his dad bragged about his younger pot smoking days. I couldn't fight it. My son was aching for his dad's attention, since he wasn't much of a dad. My ex was enthralled in his work, and making himself look successful to his mom who once said he would be nothing because we got married so young, and because he didn't marry an educated woman. ( HAHA I now have my degree)

People are influenced by people, sometimes it isn't us, even though we tried to teach them the right and wrong way to live. We can't know which person they will learn from.

Some parts of it are in the brain, and their genetics. ( I learned that in psychology) Their are predisposed things in our brains that somewhat determine what sorts of choices we make.

My fiance's family tree was very interesting to research. Started out just to find a few family members, and to find out whether he was Indian, or not, which he had heard he was.

I found out so much more. I found out he was English and Irish, only. I found out his great great grandpa was a Civil War Hero, and had letters from George Washington. I found out he was related to Winston Churchill and Princess Diana. Truly some of that heredity could of been passed on to him. But I also found out that half of his relatives were very Christian people, and the other half loved to drink. Also found out that MANY of those drinking men, also ran off on their families, and had other wives and families in other parts of the country.

He has a somewhat similar past. His dad ran off, and he has left many women. Not me. I have been with him Fourteen years.

I rambled on a bit, but I wanted you to see that WE did nothing to have our sons be like they are. There are many underlying reasons. It doesn't matter what we tried to do. Some people are going to make those bad choices no matter who their parents were.

I'm sorry they did what they did to him. Do you have any idea why? Sounds like they did an about face, when you thought things were going a better direction.

His son may feel rejected and angry right now. Maybe it has to be that way until he is a little older and can understand more.

I get mad at my son too. He had a 3 yr old daughter when he was about to get arrested, then had another daughter. He went to prison when the baby was 8 mos. I think actually she did better with this because HER mommy and family were supportive of Emmy getting to know him. They let him call and talk to her even when she was too little to understand the phone. She got to know his voice. She went to see him at first with mommy, then with my ex husband. That family showed her pictures of her daddy even though her mommy abandoned him. The other daughter's mom wouldn't let her go see him, and they pretty much don't have any connection.

I think if the son will, take him there to see him. Maybe not for awhile if he is still ambivalent. Tell your son its his job to stay connected by sending cards and letters to him. I know at my fiance's prison they can purchase Teddy Bears they make there, and send them to their kids. If your son pushes in a good way, to let him know that he still loves him, and maybe down the road he can tell the kid that he knows he messed up, maybe then it can be healed what is hurt now. Seven is a tough age to get them to understand. But my son's little one who is now 5, has her daddy back, and she loves him. She doesn't really ask why he was in prison, just knows he was " naughty" and had to go away for awhile. It maybe has taught her there are things that happen that aren't good if you are " naughty". Might be a good lesson for them.

My son had his friends buy her whatever she needed, and the other one too. They sent bikes, and shoes, jackets, etc, and put it was from Daddy. He did have a bit of money they were holding for him ( we won't ask where it came from.) They made sure the girls got what they needed. And alot of the money his friends and dad sent him for canteen, he sent to his girls mom's to help them. He went without, so his girls had a roof over their heads, etc.

Your son can stay in the boy's life, even if the boy doesn't want him right now.

My fiance had a son, whose mother hid the kid from him for years. Took off to a new life. My fiance kept leaving packages anonymously at his son's grandparents houses. He figured they would reject them if he put his name. He said they probably just said they were from them. But HE knew that he had sent them. He also took pictures so someday when he meets the boy again, he can show him that he did care, that he had contributed to his growing up, just no one would let him, or give him the credit. A side note to that is I FOUND HIS SON, and he lives 30 miles from us, and he is grown now, and has contacted my fiance's sister on fb

Iam so sorry. You do have a right to be angry about it watching a love one do this is really bad...... Yes I've been there and seen what my brother went though with his addiction not pretty but it is something that can be over come with time and hard work but as stacyanne said they have to want to give it up. There very little that you could of done to stop it or help to stop it sorry its the way it is. In my family me and mum had to get rid of all achole in the house,not leave money around even small Chang, we even had to hid our bling from him...the up side close to 15 years later his got him selfe clean and is working but it was hard and at times scary for everyone but there is hope!
Explain to your grandson that his dad is sick ( wich is true) but one day he will be ok.
Just make sure your son knows that you love him and no you don't have to do everything for him. He also needs to know his son is ok.
Big hugs!

Ill say a prayer for you !!!! I can almost relate, they are sending my Husband from one jail to another and he is trying to get into what they call the SAP program so he can get Parole . He is in for a Probation violation, change of address and a drug test during that came out with THC in his system. We separated for a few weeks, so that was the change of address, he has OCD and is Bi-polar so with that he was around someone that had a joint and he took a few hits I assume off of it thinking it would calm him?? His original charge was assault in the 2nd degree. Before we got together he was at a bar, got drunk, another guy started a fight with him and my hsuband got the best of the other guy in the fight , I mean it was that simple, two guys fighting and the other takes up for him self and out fights the other, but he was drunk also , so yea. My husband was going to AA everything and was on the right path, one time we have problems to deal with he leaves for a few weeks to clear things up with us and smokes a joint and now he is looking at the two years left on his original charge unless he gets Parole . So your not alone and I will be thinking of you and saying a prayer for you :)

And just to let you know, my husband has one child from another marriage, then we have on my side three almost grown sons the youngest is 17 and as for me and him , we have one on the way...yep. So when he says I don't know if I can do this SAP program I give him the speech about not only doing it for him but all these kids, I love ya but suck it up and do it, be a man and a father like I know you can.