We all have went through that. We do get better at not being sad as much, but it doesn't ever leave our minds. You just have to start forcing yourself to do things, go places, whether you feel like it or not. That does help. Start a project, anything.

And believe it or not, he will be happy you are doing something. You will have more to tell him when he calls or you see him. He will feel less guilty for what you are going through because of his situation.

I get him involved in our life somehow even if he is there. He helps me figure out things like the bills, or now, I am moving. It wasn't in the plans at first, now it is. He is busy thinking all day about things to tell me. How to move things, how to get the pilot light lit for the furnace, water heater, etc. I really hadn't thought of it. What to pack more carefully, little things like be careful of the top of the entertainment center, it will come off, etc. It makes him feel included in the move even though he can't be here.

He wrote up a contract for me to have the buyers of our mobile home, which gave him something to do, and helped me. I wouldn't of thought of it... so many things to think about and I am selling it to a co worker. This all just came up recently. Oh he will drive me nuts with suggestions the next few weeks. I am moving out slowly day by day, little loads, and then by Oct 15th, in my new home, which is an old schoolhouse built in 1920.

Go see a friend he would like you to be with. One he is comfortable with that won't criticize you for supporting him, or criticize him. Tell him things that happened when you went.

Sew something if you sew, and send him pictures, send pictures of anything you feel he would like to see.

I was just taking pictures of this house we are getting. He wanted to see specific things since he can't go look at it with me. How the basement is, is it wet? What kind of blocks is it built with, how is the wiring?

Well I don't know the first thing about those, so I take these pictures and he can tell me if anything looks bad, or needs fixing.

It has old hardwood floors, so I took a picture to show him what shape it is in, and what color it is.

He then can make plans how he wants to renovate it.

You make him feel important in your life, and he will also be helping you. It's a win win situation.

If you have car problems, describe the problem the best you can and ask his advice.

If you need something fixed, ask him where to get it taken care of.

Mine instructs me how to do many things he would do if here.

Mine has been gone over a year now, I still cry late at night, when we would be snuggling in bed. I still cry when something good happens. I really still cry when I really need him. But he calls often, and that helps.

You doing these things to help him will keep you busy, your mind won't only be thinking of sad things, like missing good times AND bad with him

Dear Chacha99, I have went through this, many times. Have felt just like you are. Sometimes I think I can't take one more day of this, but there is no choice. So the choice is to lay around crying and give up on everything and LOSE everything.. I have done that. Not good. It only makes YOUR life worse and his too.

I have learned to be more self reliant and independent. Sometimes he don't like that. He needs me to need him. I DO, but have to do many things alone.

I don't like seeing happy couples we know. I stay away from most people like that. But sometimes a good friend from the past, or coming on here helps.

You are very new into this. Give yourself time, it will get easier. And you won't think that is possible, but it does. Mine was IN for over 3 years, home 10 months, back in for the last year with a little more than 10 months to go. We are on the home stretch now, and moving alone again is going to be sad, hard, but exciting too.

I am taking a giant step BACK into my normal life. I have lived in and owned a home since I was 20. Now I am 60, live in a trailer house, and I feel like it is the bottom of the barrel, but the only way is up. So I am going to spend a bit more than I can afford, and do it. God it will be work, especially without him, and don't know who will help me move. He will be calling as I have a sofa strapped to my back, or whatever to get everything moved. I will get exasperated how many times he calls while I am working hard to get things moved in, and get to work, and take care of everything. He will be ADVISING me.. and that's ok.

You probably aren't going to move, but find something to focus on besides him. Get involved with something that makes you feel good. Yes, you c.an... I can just see you shaking your head.

I am sorry, I forgot how long he will be in. So many people on here going through so much, can't remember everyone's loved one's sentence.

Day by day if you really try hard to take little steps back into life, he will hear it in your voice and feel better too. I look at your picture on here. That's a pretty smile you have. I know you haven't smiled in 2 months. Put a smile in your voice, fake it if you have to at first, and then do it more and more.. eventually it will be real and feel good.

I have a job where I see many customer's. I do forget about my sadness talking to all of them. We have " regulars" that come in everyday. I make it my mission if one looks sad or tired to comment to them if they are ok, and I try to get them to smile.

I don't know how you feel about this, or if you have time, but maybe going to a senior citizen's home, volunteer to read to someone, or comb a invalid's hair, or something will lift you up. It does because you see how grateful they are for any time you give them. I used to take care of elderly and I loved it.

Make a difference in your life. Do one thing each day you can say later, hey, that felt good. Even if it was only for a few minutes. Then tell him about it. Give yourself goals, make lists, my god, those alone will keep your mind off the sadness for awhile.

I still have to sleep with the TV on loud so I can drowned out my thoughts. I turn it off, I get lonesome. See, we used to cuddle up in bed by SEVEN or earlier, eat in bed, watch tv in bed, then in the middle of a good show he would say OK tv is going off now, I am going to sleep, snuggle up. So now I can't sleep with silence.. he isn't there.

An annoying funny thing though. Every night, I drift off during a good show, I wake up to the same damn informercial " good feet". It is about painful feet problems and insoles. HAHA I need them. I fall asleep and wake up to that damn infomercial every single night or early morning. I think it has gotten into my brain and I am convinced these insole things are so special I have to drive to MN to go there to get the. I won't though.

Did I make you laugh??? Hope so.

Ok time to go watch something on TV and mellow out. I went to the new house today, worked, talked to him a million times and sold my house today. SEEEEE, we can learn to focus on other things. But he did call a million times it seemed.

I was driving to this new house. We know the phone reception is NOTHING at the house. So as I was driving he called. I had him on for a minute, them bam, lost reception. Had to turn around, drive fast to the spot I could take his call. Then he wanted me to go to the house, look at things, his list, and then he would call at 1230 and see if anywhere in that yard my phone worked. I kept walking all over the darn yard, looking at the bars on my phone. NOTHING.. So I left so I could get to that spot again before he called. He did.

I went down that dark basement. Creepy.. tried looking at things, was freaked out. IT IS OLD.. I think dead people live there... haha

I could picture this one room school house with kids in old fashioned clothes... 1920 it was a school. There is still a hall that has hooks for their coats. Weird.

I haven't told him this move kinda makes me a bit freaked out. I have a couple neighbors I can go to at any time here. NOT There. It's out in the woods on 3 acres.

So there was my day.. and I used to just lay around and cry.. and not go anywhere. See I have come a long way.

Believe me a year ago, I was a mess. I couldn't believe he got arrested AGAIN... probation violation. STUPID MAN

Time to let you rest your eyes now. But I distracted you, didn't I?

As I told you before I have been on here a LONG time, between him being in over and over, and my son in a few times too. Rewdiazepam calls me the MATRIARCH of this group. HAHA

Let me know how you are doing.. I care.

Oh honey, I sure know how you feel. My only child, my baby boy, is in his 5th year of a 20 year sentence. The rollercoaster emotions you're feeling is normal. Some days are better than others. I, too, try not to cry when I talk to my boy, but sometimes I can't help myself. After all, we are only human, and the ones we love are in prison.

Read this forum daily, and remember, you're not alone. All of us here are dealing with a loved one away....and it really does help.

God Bless.

Mary

I too have those emotions. My daughter has been in for a few months and has 2 years to go. I dont cry everyday anymore but almost. I miss her but am so glad she has seen what she was doing and is wanting to change for the better. We talk about that. Not what she did but how it is going to be different and better when she gets home. We talk about how she knows we are here for her and all that she has me do for her from this side. Sometimes I get frustrated and have to tell her I'm am doing my best to get this or that done for her. She does understand what torment her conviction has been on us as a family. I went to her boyfriend's funeral in her place. He passed away while she has been in prison. I did not approve of the relationship for several reasons but supported her in her grief. She wants me to keep her updated on everything that is going on. She wants pictures of everything we do or places we go. It helps her to know that there is life outside the bars and she is part of that life and will be when she gets out.

I dont know if or when the tears will stop but they have slowed down.

Aw Chacha. It is a very lonely time, as clich as it sounds part of you is missing. That part of your life has been taken away without your say so. I was desperate to find someone to talk to, my friends don't really care as now all of them treat him like Voldemort. I would cut off my left arm for a cuddle on the couch with him watching Doctor Who! I cried round the shops the other day, no reason just suddenly overwhelmed with emotion but like you, when he phones I feel I need to be strong. Its a rollercoaster and a half! I'm lucky in a way as he's out soon, to serve the rest as a community based service for 3 years and 13 weeks.
Some days are good, some are bad but you are doing super!