Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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Confused and anxious

shann18
shann18

hi all, 


ive been a prison girlfriend since 2016 and have prided myself in being able to stay pretty strong for my boyfriend and our children, he was released in April and breached in July and just suddenly he called And out of nowhere had an emotional outburst and told me he wouldn’t be calling again and not to expect him home in November (his next stat) that he would call when he was settled to see the kids, I’ve heard similar to this quite a bit In the past, so i just let him rant and hang up without saying anything and true to his word he hasn’t called, it’s been over two weeks my heart is broken, my head is confused and lost and each day That goes by I’m finding I become more and more anxious, I don’t have any support in my life and raising two kids on my own, I never let them see me cry or know anyrhing is wrong, but I’m finding it impossible to keep from breaking down constantly wondering why after all this time, he hasn’t called and is he true to his word ? Wondering if anyone had this situation happen to them before and how you got threw it ? And any other advice if you haven’t but think you can help  

arfie
arfie
My own experience with prison dynamics is from my birth family. Father through nieces and nephews. Based on that experience, your bf's (co-parent?) reaction is no surprise. Prison life is traumatic and the transition to outside life is far from as justy as a Sunday Sermon. Explaining the flashbacks, et al is even harder than managing the symptoms.

While my co-parent has no prison affiliation, the anxiety attached to his unavailable weeks/months/years is all too familiar. I have often felt more isolated by his chronic busy habits than I have ever felt from being abandoned, altogether. A cage gilded with idle promises is just as confining.

I coped by keeping the focus on building and maintaining my strictly personal therapy network, including peer support from groups like this one. DS is i big website with lots of forums. I hope you'll take the time to surf around and see what other flavors of peer support are available here.

Live support groups are radically different from on-line support and can be even more effective. Sometimes a body needs eye contact and a flesh and blood hug.
Pharrah
Pharrah
I don't have any experience with this personally, but is there a chance that maybe he was just having a really bad day that day and maybe he overreacted? Do you have a way of contacting him yourself (even a letter) now that some time has passed to see if he still feels the same way as he did that day? Maybe if you explain to him that you're feeling really confused and just want to know what's going on he'll be in a better place to at least tell you why, because for all you know he could be sitting there thinking he must have blown it with you and that's why he isn't calling. But you know him, so you'll have to judge whether or not that's a good idea or if you should just give him some space
Unknown2all
Unknown2all
Having been in prison many years ago and also dealing with being on outside of the fence, he's most likely just having an emotional breakdown but men won't say that's what it is. The best thing you can do is just keep writing him sending cards pics of his family to remind him that all of you are out here for him. Pray for him and what ever is troubling him. Give him time to process his thoughts and for you also. But in the meantime you keep busy so what is normal for you and your family. It's hard and weighs heavily on you I know but your kids need you to be you and do the things that you need to do. It's a hard life being with someone who is doing time because your doing it with them I was use to it until I made the changes in my own life. I won't do that life again. It's too emotional and it wears a person down. May God comfort you and your family.
kate_87
kate_87
I am really sorry that you are going through this. I know my fiancé is very loving, caring, supportive and everything else, but he does have bad days. Have you also called to see if they are on lockdown or anything? Keep your head up! If not for your kids and boyfriend, but for you.
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