Write to the parole board with supporting statements; if he had a job or a place to live when he gets out. In my state, if the family has to drive more than 300 miles you will be able to ask for a four hour visit. This may be a reason for him to be transferred to someplace closer.

I completely understand what you are going through. My 20 year old son is in intake now- has been for 15 days so far...I'm waiting to find out what classification he gets and where he will go. I am so heart sick not being able to get a phone call, visit, or letter.

We even had a letter of hardship from my MIL'd doctor asking for him to be placed close so she can visit. Right now, it's too hard to travel that far with her medical issues.

If they only waited One more month, he could have been classified as a level 3.

Is there someone he can talk to about getting moved closer on compassion grounds? Yes 3hrs is pretty fair with someone who is not well.
Iam sorry that it worked out like this for you.

Thank you SuchAs.. He said that he was going to try to see a councilor as soon as he can so he can be moved closer.
I set up a visit online for Sunday, so unless they cancel it, I will get to see him, but it won't be a contact visit, still behind the stupid glass.

It's better then nothing..be careful with the drive I know what its like to drive a long way to get to see them. I do hope that you get good news soon and he gets to be closer to you.

I'm so sorry.

Where my fiance has been, luckily has never been that far. But I know that many people drive up to 5 hours to go see their loved ones. It seems the " norm" in many prisons. They do not care about the inconvenience and expense it causes.

What they don't understand is that for the guys to have a chance at going back out into the world a more productive, better person, if in fact they did anything at all, it is important to keep them connected with their family. That was a proven fact done by many years of research.

The other thought is they do know, and don't care. Prisons are a money making business. I actually read that in some of my criminal justice classes.

You may have luck with going to them on the hardship thing, it is always worth the effort. Everything in the justice system is pretty much like toss a coin and see which way things go.

I like to push buttons to at least try to get results if something is not fair. I don't always get what I want, but at least I can feel I tried everything. You have to let them know that you KNOW things. You can't just go into it with expectations that these people have hearts. They don't. Look up everything you can on the subject. Find laws, find statistics, find research facts against these sort of things.

I used the Constitution to get my way in a couple things. I found things that the prison was doing illegally, and I made sure they knew that I knew. I did get results then. And how I did that, if they wouldn't listen to me, or take my calls was simple. I put the facts in HIS letters, knowing that they read them. I stated everything they were doing illegally and told in those letters that I was going to hire a lawyer and contact the media. SOMEHOW miraculously after they read his letters from me, things changed in some circumstances. It's dirty pool, but hey, they do it.

I know they CAN do this. They can say it is because of overcrowding, or because of the level he is listed as, it's where he needs to be. But you fight anyway. Just be careful not to stir things up so much it causes him problems.

Read this, it may help. http://www2.uwstout.edu/content/rs/2008/12family%20support%20male%20inmates%20for%20publication.pdf

It's too long to just copy and paste the whole thing on here. It is a research article on importance of family to inmates while incarcerated. There are more too.

Oh NO! I am sorry to hear this! Will be hoping and praying that everything works out ok for you! Try not to lose hope! :)

As my time dealing with this is coming to a close, I look back and remember all that you and everyone else is going through. I remember the sadness, frustration and anger at him being gone, at how they treat them and us, and the feeling of futility. Not understanding why they do what they do. I was VERY angry, and lots happened to him, with his health, and other things dealing with the guards, and the inmates. BUT we survived, we became stronger in our love for each other. It actually gave us time to learn to like each other all over, fall more in love than ever, and our relationship got stronger.

The 3 years, 2 months and 19 days he's been gone so far have been sad and lonely and frightening, and awful, but we did not let these idiots beat us. We became stronger in so many aspects of our lives.

As you are in the beginning of this, you sure can't understand that any of this is possible, that you can survive all of the crap they put us through, but you can. I AM PROOF. And this isn't the first time for me and him, and my son and fiance were in at the same time, the last time. So boy do I know how you are feeling. It is hell. But you gotta fight what you can fight, learn to cope with what you can't, and just keep writing to him, talking to him, and loving each other. You will make it .

Thank you all. This has just been an emotional draining experience for me and not a lot of people I can trust with this information without fearing judgement based on his charges.

One huge blessing, I finally told an old HS friend what was going on. And even though she has never been a big fan of him (in fact we stopped talking when I got engaged), she will be there to support me what ever my decision is. She is a firm believer that people do change, unlike others who feel like he will be a threat for the rest of his life.

Ihatewisconsin, thank you for your words of encouragement. We too have had our marriage strengthened by all of this. No matter what they try to do, they will not break us.

You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers!!! Whatever you do don't give up know matter how hard the road may get don't give up!!! I don't drive far like some people, but I drive 2 1/2 hrs every weekend to see my husband im thankful he's not to far so i can go and see him as much as possible! I hope that something can get done and your husband can get moved somewhere safer and closer. Also like Ihate said this will make your marriage stronger!! if you ever need to talk im always here

You're welcome!! Sometimes I know my posts are very long. I just sometimes think I need to relate how things have been for us, and how they turned out. Sometimes " insight" from someone that has MANY years of going through this may just help in even a small way.

I found DS years ago, when I was so down, I was almost suicidal. NEVER did try that though. I found no one out here understood. Many still don't. But these wonderful people made a huge impact on my life. They all got me through it.

I have one friend who no longer is on here, but we talked the whole 4 years our sons, and my fiance were in. We still talk on another chat thing now. We haven't met yet, but intend to. She is in FL

I still want to figure out how to have one giant, long weekend with our DS friends. Somewhere in the middle of where everyone lives,but Suchaslife lives across the ocean. Does that mean we all have to swim... oops I don't know how to.

My son is also more than 3 hours away. I wait for his letters and phone calls. He has gotten into some trouble since he was sent to the unit; so now I don't even get phone calls anymore. I am still receiving letters. Jpay.com is what I use to write letters and arrange for phone calls. I called the unit and found out he'll get contact visits beginning Oct 2. It's hard to be there early in the morning unless I start my trip the day before and get a hotel. Hard for people that don't have that choice due to financial constraints.

Thank you all.. Yes many don't understand what we go through. Even my own family thinks I'm crazy for standing by him and tries to put a wedge in our relationship; however, it only drives s wedge between them and me.

His unit is constantly on Lockdown, so he can't make phone calls. And CA doesn't offer the email or video chat, which makes it even more difficult. Just before he moved, he got a lot of stationary so we could continue to write, but this place won't even given him his property for a minimum of two weeks; not even his bible.

I just sent him a package with paper, pen, envelopes and stamps, so he can write me again. My MIL and I both put $$ on the phones in case he does get a chance to call....just wish this nightmare was over!