Mary, my heart breaks for you! I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish we could all say it gets better, but we all know that is not the reality for us or our loved ones who are incarcerated. For me, things won't get better until my husband is back home with me.

If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

Oh iam so sorry Mary for you and your family. You have found a good place hear we will try and help if we can.
I think it's a case of we get used to this life not so much that it gets better...I've been doing this for a bit now and I have good days then bad days but this place and the people who are hear are a big help.
As for your sons safety well from what I can work out it's the boredom that is the worst part of. If he stays away from the gangs, and don't get into dept with anyone he should be ok.
Hang in there talk to us, rant , rave, cry we will listen and help if we can.

I'm so sorry, Mary. Please know that you're not alone- we are all missing someone. I don't know if it gets easier. Having people who understand and support does help. It's good that you joined the group.

Thank-you for all your replies. Your understanding of this awful pain makes me feel I am definitely not alone. I suspect it will never get easier, and it's just something we have to live with.

Bless you all. I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Mary

I am sorry to hear about your son and the way you are feeling. I will be praying for you. I definitely understand. My love of my life has been imprisoned since he was 23. He left me with our 5 year old son and so many future plans undone. Even 6 years later it feels horrific because he has a 60 year sentence, which we know he won't spend all that time but we aren't sure when he'll get out. Look on the bright side, he'll still be in his 40's when he gets out and young enough to do all those special life events you mentioned. Also, do you write? Visit? Does he call? Communicating with them makes it less hard over the years. It will get better!

My son was in for four years and I thought it was forever. Guess that sounds silly in regard to the amount of time yours got.

Sons can drive you crazy, but I even wished he would be home, driving me crazy.

I am so sorry.

Hi Mary. Oh how my heart breaks for you! I am truly sorry! WE all are. I think we all empathize with you. It wasn't supposed to be this way. My son was facing 9 years, I absolutely adore my son. He is the sweetest kid that got messed up with drugs. Fortunately, my son gets to go to a minimum 2 year rehab program. So his sentence is suspended as long as he completes the program. But I too, didn't know how I was going to cope. All I can tell you that my hope is in Jesus to help me through and to help my son. I will be praying for you and your son! God can do a mighty work with your son in prison. I had a Bible study leader about 16 years ago, whose son went to prison. That was in 1999, he is still there. But he leads Bible studies, and is doing great despite the circumstances. It breaks my heart, and I ask her how she does it, she too has good days and bad days. But she always trusts that God will work it out. "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 I hope this will give you some comfort. I hope to talk soon.

I don't know if it gets better or if we take on so much that it eventually kills off the spirits... My boyfriend is facing 20 years for accusations that he didn't commit. His ex stated he did things that he didnt' and there is no witnesses... He's out on bail and I don't know how I'm going to cope with seeing him go back... I don't know how any of us cope with our loved ones gone for so long... Your son was just a baby when he was incarcerated... I don't know what crime he has done and it doesn't matter...but he doesn't deserve his whole life stripped away from him like that... There should be a better system. I don't think prison helps anyone... its just a scary place where you'd rather curl up in a depressed ball than live every day there. Its savage. I don't know how to help you but you aren't alone in this... reach out to any one of us... this group there are a lot of kind people that are going through similar circumstances... Be well... reach out if you need. Death is not the answer. You wll be with your son again on the outside some day... just have hope...even when it seems like there is no hope

I so agree CMorton, there are very few exceptions of those who should remain in prison, but majority of the times we need to give treatment, or services to keep a person from getting back in trouble again (job training, etc). It's a waste. After 20 yrs, society will have changed so much, he won't know how to reintegrate easily back into society. Just think of where we were 20 yrs ago. People were just starting to use the internet. We still had brick cell phones.
So sorry Mary! We all just try to take it one day at a time. I look forward to my next letter, call, and visit. Some days are harder than others, but we do survive to see another day.