Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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Sheenabeena
Sheenabeena

My husband was accused of something 6.5 years ago that he didn't do. We had been dating only 11 months at the time but knowing the man he was I knew this was crazy. The case went on for YEARS. During that time I got pregnant, had our daughter, got engaged and then We got married October 2015. I married him knowing there was a chance things could go south with this case but I didn't expect it to happen. My husband is a good man and an even better father. Last April he was convicted of this ridiculous offense and taken into custody that day. We were so confident in winning we even let the lawyers set up the verdict on his birthday thinking it would be the greatest birthday present to put it all behind us. Turned out to be the worst birthday sure he will ever have. We spent 11 months putting together an appeal for a reconsideration/new trial. We lost yesterday. He will be sentenced next month and I'm having a really rough time dealing with it all. Telling the kids he's not coming home.. only one kid knows where he is right now. And just the thought of living many more years without him. He could get anywhere from 4-15. There are two counts and I. Scared the judge will try to run his sentenced consecutively and that I could be a long time without him. How on earth do you guys survive?

ceaser
ceaser
I'm sorry for what you're going threw and know it must be the worst feeling ever, try to stay positive and maybe go to counciling. You're in my prayers.
poohbay
poohbay
I feel your pain. My fiancé took a plea back in November. Like you we were so sure things would go our way. But once he realized things at trial were about to go left, he gave in. When he took that time it was maybe the worst day in my life. But eventually my faith kicked in. I try to stay prayed up and in my word. You honestly have to find something that gives you hope and strength. I'm not sure of your religious beliefs, if any. I'm finding too that sites like this help also. I pray you find some strength. I also focus on our love and relationship. It gives me a lot of hope.
gregsbaby
gregsbaby
Take it one day at a time, especially since you're in limbo of not knowing how much time he'll get. The worst part is not knowing, yes it really is because at least when you know the sentence you can start to map out things.

When he does get to his facility and get settled (which that has a lot of variables included so be patient) you can start writing letters, the post office is going to be your best friend. Yes there's phonecalls but they're so expensive which is where writing is number one. If you're close enough for visits then it'll take a bit for the approval, same as phone list; they take their sweet time which is another pain, but here again you gotta be patient.

Try not to think too much about all the time you're going to be without him or you'll drive yourself crazy, instead try to think of all the things you'll do when he comes home. Yes there are going to be days when you feel like poo and may even ask yourself is he worth the wait, but love will prevail! Sending big hugs!
Sheenabeena
Sheenabeena
@poohbay I have always had a strong faith my walk just isn't as strong. I don't like to be emotionally vulnerable and I've recently realized because of that I am not allowing myself to let God really in. I pray and go to church and listen to my Christian music and it helps, I just haven't completely given up the wheel. My husband was raised Catholic and hated pretty much everything religious after that. His growing faith during the time he's been gone so far is what has kept me hanging on so well. He experiences god in a whole new way and I'm so grateful for that. I know it will be a major asset to our future but damn the present is so hard. :'(
Sheenabeena
Sheenabeena
@ceaser ty
Sheenabeena
Sheenabeena
@gregsbaby thanks. Yes he's been in county 11 months. We talk almost everyday and it's 45$ a week roughly. Plus helping with commissary and trying to keep everything else together as well. Definitely expensive. We do write letters as well just not as often
poohbay
poohbay
Situations like this do really test our faith. But like with your guy it also brings some so much closer to God. Oh trust me I understand not liking to be emotional vulnerable. But you have to approach things completely different than you usually would. It's a constant struggle to really put all your faith in God and not worry. And believe me I know how hard this waiting period is. But like @gregsbaby said don't think about it. Especially once he's in route to his prison (it's a long process). Letters really will be your saving grace, as sometimes there your only form of communication.
Webb
Webb
In a way, were both in the same boat, my love got sentenced to 11months for driving with no insurance&license.. and now something has crawled out of the wood work, he has been accused of something he wasnt apart of or didnt do. And this crime is looking at 4-20 years, (here in the uk) we half our sentencing.. but its gonna start off high.. and its going to go on till about october so im really annoyed he was meant to be home in july xx
Sneshinka
Sneshinka
Neither me or my husband are religious people... let alone he is christian and I am jewish, we are more spiritual then anything else. I dont know how much all of this honestly is about God.. .. its more about coming to accept the situation and changing the attitude about it. Also its finding a solid support which can be family, friends, other support groups, keeping yourself busy and taking care of yourself all of them are important to get thru this. Communication between you and your partner, and always be honest.