Hello, I am new to the group. Our nephew who we have raised since he was 3 yes old was arrested back in December 2020 and is currently awaiting sentencing. It's kind of hard for me to deal with because her is a child that I opened my love and home to raise him as if he was my own and all the trust is just gone. He's never been into trouble before and how things ever lead him to think the way he does and do what he has done is just over whelming for me to even understand. He has always had trust issues with us but it was normal everyday life things he would be dishonest about. People always told me it was faze and he would grow out of it. Well it never did and when he became a teenager it just became worse. He ended up living with his granddad during his teenage years and then began living with anyone who would allow him to live with them (friends). The places he chose to hang out was never the best influence type of people he needed to be around. He has always been into video gaming and continued to play gaming up until he was arrested at 26 years old. Along his way while being on computers and gaming he learned of a certain app that allowed you to download bootleg movies etc... the app also allows people to search for pics of all kinds within the app. So as he was using this app he became aware of being able to receive and distribute child pornography pics etc... which that is where the federal agents were able to pin point him and his location and arrest him. In the meanwhile since he has been in Jail awaiting sentencing we have learned that not only was he using the app he was made videos of my daughter who is 13 now and attempted many times to record her in our bathroom in our home. When I first found out about the first video it hit us hard but we were able to forgive and try to move forward. Then the federal agent told me just recently that not only did he get a video of her, there were many attempts prior to the video of her. He also has confessed to me that he had found person pics of my husband and I that no one knew about that was on my computer. Ever since the more information that has come out about this whole thing has just left me feeling depressed (wondering what happened with our parenting) why didn't I see more signs that led to him doing all this. As he was growing we had lots of trust issues with him but as he became and adult and realized how life was great for him being raised by us I had started to let my trust issues subside. He wanted to build a close relationship with his uncle and I and also my two children who he considered his younger siblings. So with everything now my unconditional love remains for him and want him to find help and get help while he will be incarcerated but it has just left me feeling vulnerable angry sad depressed and confused. I can't even talk to him on the phone or do video calls with him right now because I just feel like it's all a big opened wound and I have to figure out how to start healing with all this. I am wondering if there is anyone else with a similar situation as our family has gone through? Thank you for listening. I can not discuss all these feelings I have wrapped up inside with my family. They don't understand from a Moms point of view about it.