Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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/ Families of Prisoners Support Group

Afraid of abandoning him...

HisMew
HisMew

So, my boyfriend was arrested, around two weeks ago. I've had my ups and downs with it, and I'm still fairly emotional, but I'm trying to be strong for the both of us. I think the one thing I'm really scared about is that I've made these promises to him that I will stay with him. I have no plans to give that up, but I just don't know why I don't have any trust in myself when it comes to this. That's why I came here, to find a group I can share my feelings with. He's truly, very special and important to me. I think part of the reason why it scares me is because he says he's been abandoned almost his entire life. We're still fairly new in our relationship, and he hasn't had healthy relationships in the past, so I understand why he still feels cautious. Does anyone else feel this way? If possible, I'd appreciate some advice from anyone who's willing to give it. Otherwise, honestly even just being able to write this seems to help with my emotions.

Scaredkitty
Scaredkitty
Whether my guy is in or out, I choose every day to be in this relationship. Why would things be different with him in?
HisMew
HisMew
I don't care about whether he's in or out. I want to support him no matter where he's at... It's because he's so used to being abandoned that he's struggling with believing that I'll stay. I have no reason to leave him. I want him to believe that, because I have no intention to leave. Maybe it feels wrong, but I feel like because he has so little belief it makes me question my own intentions. That sounds selfish, doesn't it?
I just want to do what I can to be strong for the both of us.
Scaredkitty
Scaredkitty
Being in a romantic relationship with someone incarcerated takes LOTS and LOTS of honest communication. If your actions are matching your intentions, then you are doing your part. The rest is up to him to trust.
Pharrah
Pharrah
If he has had problems with people abandoning him in the past, it might be difficult to convince him with words that you won't do the same thing. The only thing that will convince him is actions. When he sees with his own eyes that you're still doing as you said you would and staying by his side, eventually he'll start to believe it. It just takes time to get over things like that, especially if they've happened to you more than once
Hope1118
Hope1118
My ex-boyfriend whom I love dearly is waiting to be sentenced to 6-8yrs in one state and then be extradited to another and who has a current girlfriend of 1 month. He too has a hx of people abandoning him family, girlfriends. I have told him that I will be by his side throughout this journey. It has only been 2.5 months and it has been tough especially loving someone so much and knowing there is someone else in the picture. I can just tell you as a friend tells me if it is meant to be and your love is real you will wait and at the end you will be waiting for him when he is released. Just take it one day at a time. I didn't hear from my ex-boyfriend for 2 days and it killed me. Take everyday as if it was the last and cherish those 15 mins of a phone call.