I have this same discussion almost every single time we talk. Not specifically about phone calls every time but always about finances. The only thing I can tell you is that men really do think so differently than women do. And it's not that he doesn't care to talk to you, that's his way of taking care of you, by not being another financial burden. It doesn't matter how many times we tell them that we can afford it. Most men naturally feel they are supposed to be the provider. Bring home the bacon! So not being able to be there and be "the man" and take care of you is going to take its toll on him and he'll do things that you might get very frustrated with (not calling) but that's the only way he can help to lessen the stress from his end, by trying to save you money. At least, that's the way my man explained it to me. I hope this helps you!

I have to agree with Minx. I told my fianc to call more, and every time, he says that he does not want to waste money like that. He sees guys every day, on the phone for 1/2 hour and he wonder if they care that their loved ones are paying for these calls. I wished he would call more, too, but I see where he is coming from. I love getting his letters, and when he calls, I am happy, but he only calls once a week. It is a sign of maturity, I think. He has no income right now and thinks we should save money for the future. I agree (reluctantly).

I guess I'm going against the current here, but I think the fact that he has only called you once for such a brief time, despite you asking that he call you more often, is pretty crummy. It's perfectly okay for you to want to hear from him, and twice a week is really not going to cost you that much.
You seem to be stuck in that weird place where relationships sometimes go- you need more than he's giving, so you feel insecure, and then he withdraws because he can't handle you being too clingy or demanding...we've all been there, and it sucks. I hope you realize that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. I know you've been trying hard to give him some space, but how is he giving you what you need? Is he writing letters?
I'm sorry you're in this tough spot. Try to remember that this situation is extreme- stay as calm as you can, and please take good care pf yourself. It's really important to treat yourself with love and kindness.

Hmmm maybe send him a copy of your budget so he can see for himself how much you got to spend and are albe to spend on calls if he sees it in black and white he might understand a bit better..it is good that his worried about this stuff.

C, you can't want more for him than he wants for himself. Keep up with your cards and letters, but quit bugging him and let him decide when he's going to call and when he's going to write.

The calls got me through it too. But mine called 3 to 5 times a day which I encouraged, knowing I couldn't really afford it. He did worry about the money I spent, but also got lonesome and bored and needed to talk to me. BUT in hindsight, OMG I did spend so much and really a couple times a day or even once a day should of been fine for me. Especially when I wasn't working.

He did worry about our bills, and I just didn't care. I was stupid. All I cared about was hearing his voice. I also saw him 3 to 5 times a week. Drove 2 hours for 2 or more years, then over an hour the last 9 months... the gas cost me an arm and a leg too.

Sitting here now, glad he went to treatment instead of prison again, I wish I had just calmed down, and been smarter about the money.

Yes we need to know they are thinking about us, but really, life gets really messed up when we pay for all that and let our bills slide.

I see both sides of it. And by the skin of our teeth we aren't doing the prison thing again, yet. I have no idea how phone calls work from the treatment center. I am sure I will have to have money for that, but not as much.

I'm sorry you are hurting. This is just me but I think one reason he may be resisting is as you said you have "told him over and over."
None of us like to be told to do something. I understand this is hard for you. I think he will call you more if there is no pressure put on him.

He could be just mad at the system and how they scam us on phone calls too. Try to let him be in control of how often he feels like talking. It's about all he has left to control.

At first it's hard to find a good balance of how much is too much for the calls. This is where you two will have to really communicate about what works for you both. Mine keeps up with how much I'm spending on calls, visits (gas), vending machine food at visit, and any other expenses that goes along with incarceration. I think it's their way of being the maintaining their place as head of household. And although it is important and responsible for him to put the brakes on calls. However, I agree with Angeladam a few calls won't break the bank. He needs to compromise with you and be mindful of your needs too.Calls are so important to keep communication flowing between the two of you. Just express your needs respectfully and I'm sure it will all work out.

I agree with the other ladies here - communication is key! I read some articles, and they all say communication is the most important for maintaining a relationship, for helping them survive, but also to come back and feel good once they're out. So keep up with the calls!
We signed up for a new phone service, and it's helped us a lot, because we also budget how much we spend to call our son. The service we're using is prisonconnect.co
They gave me a local number, so we pay for a local phone call, instead of long distance. And since they just started they signed me up for free. After 3 months I'll be paying only 4.99$ per month, which is much less than all the others are charging.
I also went to this website, http://prisoncalldeals.com, all the different providers are listed and how much they charge, but this Prison Connect I'm using, I found out through another member here, and it's been great advice.
And keep talking, even a few minutes, to say all the positive, supportive things, it means a lot!

Hi! I hope you're talking, and I hope you got things settled. I have the same discussion - I see almost everyone here has the same thing; it's good to know others are in the same boat, but I think it's not just for us who have a hubby in prison, cause many of my girlfriends have the same things with other guys. Someone here said that it's just a guy thing, and he's taking care of you that way - it might be a bit rude, but it's good intentions. There's also another member here who suggested a while back this phone service, and I signed up for it also, and it's been saving us money (prisonconnect.co) I kind of felt proud that I found this service, bc was my way of contributing a little extra. Hang in there and try to show him you have creative ways of managing the situation.