Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

1,470 Members
7,146 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families of Prisoners Support Group

Advice

eyedeekay
eyedeekay

Hey so my boyfriend has now been in jail for a little over 2 weeks. His pliminary hearing is on Thursday so this court process is finally going to start. I have no idea what to expect from it and have no idea what kind of scentencting he is looking at. It's been really hard for me because I just want to know how long of a time he might get. I feel like I'm in limbo waiting on all of the possibilities. We have been able to talk on the phone everyday and at first he was really positive and sounded like he was working on himself. But now I can tell he is letting the other inmates get to him and he has become really negative. I have gotten to visit him once and get to go again on Tuesday. I also have sent him letters. I just want to know if you guys have any advice for me, and also maybe some things I can tell him? For me right now I'm just concerned about all this court stuff and also about his well being. 

gregsbaby
gregsbaby
Well that's good you get to talk to him on the phone everyday and visit often! As far as what to tell him just talk about what's going on with you day to day. I'm not really super doing anything super special besides being a SAHM but my guy loves hearing about me picking up Cheerios and all other crazy stuff I do in my boring life as it takes his mind off of where he is for awhile. I also just tell him it's going to be okay because I'm not going nowhere. It sounds like you may need to tell him something like that since the other inmates are getting to him. Those who aren't in a relationship I have found have tendencies to tell a man who is that their woman is cheating on him while he's in. And unfortunately the waiting game of not knowing is the hardest part. Just try to stay positive for the both of you!
Sneshinka
Sneshinka
Just remind him that you love him.... and that you are in this together and you will be by his side. He needs to stop listening to the noise from other inmates... he is the one knows your relationship together and thats all what should matter. My guy never had an issue with that.. he was telling me how other inmates fight with their bf's or wives over the phone al the time and how thankful he is for having me and being their for him.
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Ok righg now you guys are in the worst part of this the waiting to find out how long. Yes do what the others have said...tell him not to listen to the guys in there only you guys know whats going on with your relationship. My man only had that happened once to him and he told the guy were to go.
Keep telling him that your going to stay with and that you still love him.
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Thank you so much for replying. i have been telling him that so i can only hope that he understands what i mean and i think he is getting it more now. i just hope he doesn't let the other inmates get to him. this is his first time in and he is a pretty vulnerable guy. he got put in protective custody because he is an easy target so at least there is that. but yeah waiting to know how much time we are looking at is the only thing that is on my mind. And i live in California, so it just seems like the possibilities are endless because there are so many things they could do like split sentencing or things like work programs etc. ugh. so much to think about.
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Tell him his gotta stand up for himself in there or he wont get any respect from other prisoners tell him think like its high school.....but a bit more crazy!
Basically you wont know what he will get until his sentence please dont try and compare his crime with what others have gotten that will only do your head in.
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
I talked to him tonight and he seemed to be doing better, i have been telling him all of this and it sounds like he is standing up for himself and finding his way of how to handle all of it which is good. i know i need to keep my mind off the sentencing, thank you again!