Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

1,470 Members
7,146 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families of Prisoners Support Group

6 month update & losing support

eyedeekay
eyedeekay

ugh, i cant belive i have been dealing with all this for half a year now.... seems like shorter and longer all at the same time. The worst part is we still dont know how long he is going to get, and trail now got pushed to August. Because of this my mom has decied to flip sides saying that i shouldnt be wasting my early 20s on some boy, where i dont know what will happen when he gets home. She also said if he gets more then 2 years and he wants me to wait for him then he doesnt really love me..... idk why she needed to say all of this but it made me feel so awful. 1) idk how much more time we are looking at and 2) it seemed really unnecceray for her to say all of this. I already dont have my dad around and now im losing my moms support too.


Needless to say it has put me in a negative state of mind, i belive my guy really does love me and i have alot of evidence to show that he isnt using me. Of course no one can predict what will happen when they get home but that goes for anything in life, its unpredicdable just like this situation. I wish my mom could just realize the good instead.


So here is some postives of these past months for me, i am now assistant manger at my job, i planned out my classes and should have my AAT next spring (Associate Degree for transfer, so i can go on and get a Bachelors if i want) and i have been doing alot of voluntterr work. I have been working on myself alot and honestly the love i share with my guy, even though he is away is beautiful and has encouraged me to do all of this. And my guy has completely changed for the better too, all the work he is doing for himself is making him become such a better person and im really proud of him for it. Blah its hard not to get in negative states of mind though when people are tyring to put you down. But i have made it this far and i can only hope it everything works out for the best. 

gregsbaby
gregsbaby
Ok I'm going to put on my mom hat for just a sec (I have a 21 year old son). I understand your mom's frustration because we want our kids to grow up better than we had it. She's seeing it as you are wasting your entire life on one person; you've never had time to try on more shoes and see how others fit so to speak. Granted what she said wasn't nice and she really wasn't trying to make you feel awful, she's just being a mom who loves her daughter and wants the best for her!

With all that being said I personally feel that we as moms have to let our kids go through the school of hard knocks, meaning yes you're grown and if you do decide to keep riding it out with him and when he gets home he does a 180 you'll have learned a lesson as to what to do if/when that time should happen again.

I'm proud that you do have some bright/positive things happening during this time!!
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Thank you, this makes me be able to understand where my mom is coming from a little bit more, as you already know it can be much harder taking anything our moms say since its filled with so much emotion. I know that when he gets home there is always the possibility of things going bad/ him reverting to his old ways. I hope that isn't the case seeing all the progress he has been making and showing to not only me, but his family as well. I guess its still to hard for me to figure anything out given i have no time line, and anything really could happen at this point. Which is why I'm trying to take it day by day. Like you said no mater what happens good or bad, i am learning lessons from this which will help me no mater what the outcome is... i obviously want things to work out but i know it's not all on me, it will depend on the time he gets/ and how he will be when he comes home.
Carole
Carole
As a Mother dealing with also waiting to see what my Son's sentence will be is so stressful! He already has been detained for a month and his pre sentencing is only on the 28th July. Shew the emotional roller coaster ride is horrendous! Worrying how he will cope for another 2 months ....
Carole
Carole
As a Mother dealing with also waiting to see what my Son's sentence will be is so stressful! He already has been detained for a month and his pre sentencing is only on the 28th July. Shew the emotional roller coaster ride is horrendous! Worrying how he will cope for another 2 months ....
Adia
Adia
We are in the same boat ok maybe more like in the same ocean. My girl has not yet been sentence and possibly facing some heavy time. I am only 25 and we are not married or have children. I still haven't told my family simply because I need support not negativity. I have discussed it with my close friends and they feel the same as your mom that I am wasting my life and I will be giving up so much but I just don't see it that way. Whether my girlfriend is in prison or next to me I am still going to achieve all the things I set my mind to do. The only thing in my perspective that is on hold is my heart. I will still have my dream job, dream car and eventually in time my dream wife. In my opinion, follow your heart! As long as you are still achieving your personal goals and don't let this minor setback prevent you from growing then to hell with other opinions. I am afraid of what the future holds but I know in my heart that I would rather wait on someone I am madly in love with then to waste time searching for others that are just placement holders.
Bugoff2123
Bugoff2123
People who go to jail or prison have the worst syerotype. People fail to realize a lot of them are good people. Mistakes happen. You cant judge a person by one action from their entire life. Anyone can end up in prison so to the ones who do steretype and criticize and judge be careful that could be you one day. You are your own person always make your own choices. Only let your own experiences with a person influence you and never what someone else says about a person. Your mom may have good intentions but tell her thats just her opinion. If she has a real reason to tell you that its a different story but thats whats wrong nowdays every wants to give their two cents that usually have no truth or actual facts to it whatsoever
Frankiesgirl1
Frankiesgirl1
I agree with bugoff2123.
People make mistakes in there life, some people learn from them and then some don't. I'm sure your mom has to. Your mom can't say he don't love you if he wants you to wait, she don't know how he feels. You should ask your mom if it was her boyfriend or husband would she wait or leave? Keep your head up baby girl. Least you are on the right track and doing what you need to do for yourself. Everything happens for a reason..
LilyRose18
LilyRose18
I'm so sorry for your situation!! I know it's past August, so how did the trial go? How are things with your mom? How is your job going? I hope everything is going well and I hope you know the final decision of his sentence time. We are thinking about you on here so don't be discouraged. Since this is a very stressful time there will be tension, thus the situation between your mom and you. She is only worried about you because that's what moms do. You're her baby and she doesn't want you to get hurt. I understand you want her support and I pray you will get it. I hope everything worked out. Let us know!