Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
each night and all day I wait by the phone. That is all I do. I have the phone next to me. I watch movies or write yet another letter that he can't even respond to, since he has no supplies. I feel like I'm reliving my days. nothing ever changes. I write him. I check the phone acct to make sure its active. I check the web to make sure he is still listed at the same facility. I go to work. I only work till 6:30 but I stay later and do more work off the clock just because that is how lonely and sad and depressed I am. I don't want to go home to an empty house. We used to live together till i lost my apartment due to all the police activity. Now I have a new apartment. I set up our room the exact way it was when he lived with me. I have some of his things and I keep all of it safe. No one is allowed to touch any of his stuff. I can't do this without him. He is my strength. I NEED him to call me. To write me. I need him to tell me that he is alright. He is my heart. He's my only shining light. he is the reason I get up in the morning. He is the reason I go to work and fight to make our life better for when he gets home finally. If I can't hear from him, talk to him, write him, get letters from him... I'll fall apart .... I can't hold it together without him. I am weak I guess. I just need him to throw me a life line. Why doesn't he call me? I don't get it. He forgave me and said he'd call monday but he hasn't since sunday night. I'm going berzerk without his calling me. What else can I do?
He's counting on you. Your kids are counting on you. If you don't know how to be strong on your own, find someone who is, and then watch and learn.
You cannot change the circumstances, but you can change the way you respond to those circumstances. Don't let "them" beat you. Don't let "them" win.
Decide for yourself -- no one can do this for you -- that you will be an overcomer, you will get through this, and you will become an encouraging presence in his life.
Your man needs to know that you will weather this storm. He needs to know that you can deal with all of this. YOU need to know that you can deal with all of this.
Instead of entirely focusing on your own feelings, maybe you can think of people who are suffering, too. It helped me so much in the beginning to really look at my situation and think of how much worse it could have been. Try to be grateful for the people who are helping you. It sounds like his family has helped you a lot. Some people here (myself included!) have NO support whatsoever. Others are struggling every day to make the best of terribly stressful situations- being a single mom with no idea when the baby's father will be out, children with drug addictions, horrible, hateful in-laws and parents...everyone is suffering through this. You are not really alone in your desperation.
Another thing that really helped me, and still does, is being supportive of the other people here. We are all in pain, and we can all do our part to help one another. It may help you to reach out to another member of this group and offer them some kindness and encouragement.
Helping others is a very powerfully healing act.
I hope that you understand that this message is sent with the hope that you can begin to shift your focus from how terrible and hopeless you feel. You have to FIGHT this, cmorton. You have to fight this right now with everything you can muster. In a little while, if you try to make yourself feel better, you will.
Does your employer provide healthcare coverage? If your worries, anxieties and fears are overtaking you, perhaps you need more help than we can give you right now. Don't sell yourself short, C. You can get through this - if you want to.
C, we are all here to help, but when you bypass the words of encouragement and do nothing to change YOUR situation, people aren't going to want to offer words of encouragement anymore. You always post about how every day is the same, you can't do anything, but there are things you can do; you just don't want to.
You have 3 kids. How is your relationship with each of them? I am 100% invested in my son. When I get upset about the situation about my boyfriend, I think about what my son needs. My boyfriend is an adult, he can take care of himself. He knows that our son is first priority. He understands that I need to be able live and survive during this time, so I need to what is necessary. I do what I have to, even if I hate it. And I hate almost everything I'm doing. I hate having government assistance. I hate living rent free in someone else's house like a child. But if it helps me in the long run I'm doing it. I don't go on here looking for others to justify my misery. I overcome. You need to start giving yourself credit and learn to see yourself as an individual and not co-dependent of your boyfriend. If you can't you are setting yourself up for failure.
Remember, I'm saying this because I want you to find the inner strength you have to persevere, not to put you down. If you are too overwhelmed, get professional help. Don't stop seeking it until it starts to work. Yes, that's hard, but you don't have a choice when you are at risk of losing everything.
I didn't hear a thing from my man for over a month when he first went in so I just wrote to him it helped a lot!
You do have it really good you know where he is (I didn't for the first week and a bit) you have by the sounds of a really good support system with his mum and dad...they would be missing him just as much as what you are( I wish I had that but iam on my own) you know he should get credit for the time his done and he should get good time (2 things I wish we had hear but nop 4 years means that) and more importantly you have a date for when he will get out a few of us on hear only have maybe or are like me just live in hope that it will be this year...I've done over 3 years.
You need to be strong not just for him but your kids too iam betting that there missing him as well.
Non of us told you these things to be mean or nasty we just want to help you but to do that you have to help yourself as well if that means going to a councillor then do it this is not a easy ride but it is what you make of it and I think right now your making it really hard on yourself and him.
Hang in there and deep breaths.
Don't run away from your life. Don't hold on to your pain. Open your ears and listen to those who want to help. Open your eyes and see the world around you that needs your personal touch. Open your heart and let the healing begin.