I wish you lived closer. I would come sit with you through some of your rough days and nights. I do understand everything you said. My family hates my guy too. They don't really know him after all these years, but they judge him purely on his record. A record is a false interpretation of who a person is.

I too gave up alot of my friends. They surely can't understand while they sit in their ivory towers. I hate the people that sit there spewing how perfect their life and their kids are and criticizing why mine is so BAD!!! So, I just don't talk to them anymore.

I live farther away from them than I used to so I don't have to see them even occassionally and pretend I care about them anymore. I don't have to pretend to not be hurt when they say cruel things about him, and why I am with him. If they ever gave him a chance they would know what a special man he is.

I found it hard to go do FUN things while he was sitting in prison. He told me to go do things, but it was not fun even if I tried. I just missed him. I hate to tell you but it sounds like no matter what, you will feel that way too. Not much helped, except my grandkids, and then I started forcing myself to just get busy. I didn't work, so I was really isolated. But I found 2 wonderful elderly neighbors who made me laugh, had me for dinner alot, and needed my help sometimes. They really helped me get through it.

Now he is home, and I want the world to know they are so wrong about him. But they probably won't give him that chance, so I will not subject him to the small minded people I don't trust can be grown up enough to understand that EVERYONE makes mistakes, but only a few get sent to prison for them, in comparison to how many DO things. Even our " perfect" friends, who find fault in our men, who find our relationship something to chastise us for, they have done things too, they just plain didn't get caught.

I read on average every single person commits at least 3 illegal acts a day that they could get arrested for. There are so many laws we don't know about that anyone at anytime could get arrested.

Anyway, I hope things get better for you. Do you have anything you can sell on ebay or the other one?? That seems the quickest way to make a buck. I made these corn bags. You get field corn, make cloth, soft bags, put the corn in them, sew them up, and then people warm them in the microwave and they are good for aches and pains. I sell them at craft fairs and to family and friends. I haven't done alot yet, but they still make SOME money.

We just went to a garage and craft sale today. You can get lots of good ideas, steal them, and make the things you saw that people might buy. I choose things that don't cost much to make. I bought the corn for $3 for 20 lbs. I got material at the thrift stores. Just some ideas.

I hope somehow you can give yourself a break. Go do something for you. MAYBE you could find one friend that is slightly sympathetic to talk to and be around. OR just keep coming on here. We will get you through this.

Last time he got out, I left DS for awhile, but this time, I feel totally connected to all of you and have not left. He has been home 3 weeks now.

After all that, I forgot one part. OMG your sister thinks you should forget him??? That is so easy for them to say because it isn't them. COULD THEY forget someone they had invested their life and love in for so long? If they could, they are cold hearted bitches and bastards. Ooops, sorry. BUT most people will say they would, but if it was them going through it they would definitely be singing a different tune.

You of course are thinking about him day and night. He was IN your life, for a long time, now he is gone. It is like they were sucked out of this world and we get to hear their voice and sometimes see them, but in such an unnatural setting. NOTHING is normal while they are in. We see things on TV about how prison life is. We worry, we wonder how they are, what is happening to them, how they are feeling, are they ok??? Sometimes nothing every happens bad to them, sometimes it does. We don't ever know. And when we don't hear from them, we fear the worst. Twice, in a million times of worrying, there really was something bad happening to him. A heart attack once.

We have no control over what happens to them, no one tells us anything, and my god, it is someone we love, and they don't give a damn how we suffer. Our guys have to pretend they are ok, for us, and to not look like a coward. It is a ugly, ugly thing for all of the families and the inmates to go through. You have every right to feel the way you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't be human, or wouldn't love him.

I'm sorry if I really am rambling here, but I want to make it clear to you that everything you are feeling is normal, and it in some ways will get easier in time, and some parts of it won't. I didn't cry as often by the second year, but by the third I was so damn lonesome, it kinda started all over again. BUT I had learned how to cope, how to stop myself from crying and focus on other things. You will learn it too.

This will teach you how strong you are, or give you guts to get yourself stronger. You learn to survive on so many levels. I am woman, hear me roar will be your new theme song!! ROOOARRRRRRRRR! You gotta toughen up for yourself. That's hard, I know, but you learn to, day by day.

I suppose this is enough for now. Sorry, my guy is sleeping and I can't sleep so early. He is working 12 hour shifts now, and starts so early in the morning. We call it BBT... Baby bed time. I told him my grandbabies go to bed later than he does.. HAHA

Have a good night, if you can. Even the worst impossible things to figure out usually get figured out eventually. Have faith, something will happen to help.

Yes, my sister is saying he's not even part of society and belongs there for what he did. She's cruel and disheartened. She told me to liven up and let things happen and find someone that is actually able to stay out of trouble... I have loved him since I was 16 years old.. you can't just shut that off. He's been in my life the last three years where we really have grown so close... He is not a bad man.. He got in some more trouble with his kid's mother and now he's figureing out how to rectify that. I am the only one messaging him in there. his family has deserted him and they don't appear to want to help him in any way... my love for him and his for me is what is keeping him strong... Although I am tearing up inside I will appear to be strong for him to survive in there... my love will lhave to be strong enough for both of us.. I can't do fun things.. Its not the same. i have no friends that get it.. none that I hang out with even... just here.. I was accused of being consumed by everything about me that I have forgotten there are other people in the world. I'm sorry.. .but this is a life event and I'm allowed to go a little freaked out over the sudden change of my life pattern. One minute we're fine and the next he's locked up and we need to get a lawyer.. crazy! I find I can't eat food that is different that what he might be eating. I feel so bad that I lose my appetite a lot.. I know I need to eat more but its been really hard to do that.. Thanks for the selling suggestion.. Yes, I have been looking around the house for things to sell. The problem is that some things are his and I don't know if I can part with anything.. or if he'd want me to do that... My whole world is upside down. I don't know if he's facing years or months.. the charges are bogus but he can't really prove that because its a he said/she said case... ugh! I have no control over what happens to him and that is what worries me the worst. I don't get to see him or hear his voice yet... the more time going between us with just one letter received... the more worried I become.. People are nasty to those that have been in prison... I can't understand why they are so critical of those that have been on the inside. Haven't they endured enough? Perhaps I have a heart of gold but men and women on the inside are stronger than many give them credit.. its a sad life in htere.. I've been there. Only a few hours or a week at most but its not a picnic.. Thanks for caring ihatewisconsin... I really do appreciate that you take the time to talk to me through all of this...

Hi - I am pretty tired tonight, but wanted to add a quick thought. I feel sorry for those that do not understand why we stand by our loved ones in prison, because they do not know what LOVE is. If it can be discarded when something inconvenient for them happens, than it is not the true love that we have for our guys/gals. These are the kind of people that get a divorce when their loved one gets cancer - too much sadness and work for them. I think they are sick, and they are the ones who are not right. I believe FICKLE is the word? sigh, my love for my guy is unconditional and forever - thru good and bad, sickness and health, etc... I hope that you can have a better day tomorrow. ihate - you gave me some good advice one time i believe. you said to take a few minutes for myself and just watch a tv show i like or take a bath, etc. it has helped me to remember that i need to take care of myself or i can't take care of everyone else. maybe you can do that. i don't know what you like to do for yourself, but it doesn't need to involve those "fair weather" friends. Chin up, tomorrow is a new day and don't get yourself down if you have a slip up and cry. Try to harness your inner bad *ss and fight the system by having a few moments of joy now and then - dont let them get ya down because then they win. by they i mean the system, all nay sayers, crappy ex-family (lol). all of them cant see that this has got you down because then they win. that's how i see it anyway. when i need to cry i try to do it in private. not that it always works out that way because i have cried at the grocery store when i saw something i used to buy for him... at least all of those people were strangers and they had no idea why i was having a mini breakdown in the cereal isle... :) honestly though, i am hoping that you can try to smile at least some of the time. have a good night!

That's the problem with He said/she said cases. There is no proof, only a word from someone to lick you away for years. Your attorney had to fight to discredit the witness -even when witness is lying, jury still believes the witness over the accused, most of the time.

I understand that you don't have anyone to truely turn to and able to talk without condemnation, but can find support from complete strangers who turn into friends miles away.

I wish I could say more to help your pain, other than just try to focus on one day at a time.

Oh if I was closer I would be there helping you to work all this out...its not easy to do on your own.I've got lots of people who I don't really talk to anymore coz they just don't get what it is to live this life....the people hear are awesome and are closer to me then most people I know!
The he said she said cases are hard to deal with in more ways then one.....wich makes what your sister said that bit worse she needs to understand that this could happen to anyone at anytime and it dosnt matter who they are.
Take it a min at a time and one thing at a time...like focusing on your study just for now. Or make a list of things you want to do make each one off as you get it done.
Yes people are not nice to those who are locked up untill it happens to them they don't and won't understand what it is like or how hard it is on us and them.
Big hugs.