Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hello. I am new here to this support group as well as this world of inmates and prison systems etc. My current boyfriend was convicted of a sex offense back in 2001 (way before I knew him). He had consensual sex with 2 minors, both claiming to be 16 (he was 21 at the time). He was convicted and complete 8.5 years in prison. We met on a dating site which is an absolute no-no for a sex offender. He told me all about his criminal history prior to us meeting and i never worried about him. 3 days before we met though he was caught carrying a smart phone another no-no for his probation. When the smart phone was confiscated they found dating sites on their as well as porn sites. For the 17 months of our relationship this was over our head waiting for his court date and what the courts would do with his violation of probation. Mind you since returning to the 'real' world he had his own apartment, two vehicles, and a long term job. Court was Feb 27th 2015 and on that day they sentenced him to 8 months and took him away in handcuffs. I have no previous experience with this and it is truly hard for me. My family and friends are supportive of me and my choices, but are not supportive of me dating a convicted sex offender or someone currently incarcerated. I thought maybe some support here might be helpful. Some days I just want to end things and just find a normal relationship one that everyone will be ok with, but I love this man and know he is truly a wonderful person. I don't even know what I want to hear from posted this....thanks for reading.
People are not always sex offenders because the courts said so. That term is a political thing that people running use for office because they know people hate them. They don't realize it could be them, their sons, brother's or friends next, falsely accused.
Even my son, who has been in prison for other things condemns my fiance, and uses that baby rapist, or pedophile title, and he has a friend that is a sex offender, because of some woman that wanted to get back at him.
Unfortunately your friends will stand their ground, thinking they know so much. Well, just get rid of those friends. I did. We don't need people like that in our lives. Who knows what goes on behind their closed doors.
I am not a fan of porn sites. My fiance did that for awhile too. I think they are awful, but many people do not. It don't make them a terrible person. To each his own, if it isn't hurting anyone.People should not judge a person on what they read or hear. Judge for how they are to you, not what others perceive.
I am sure there are many minor girls out there that look much older and don't tell the guys how old they really are. Then later if things go bad, they get them in trouble. I know a young guy that happened to. In the end, he became a sex offender. Her parents called the cops on him, AFTER they had readily accepted him, let him live at their home with their daughter and more. But when the couple broke up, they were mad, so they reported him. The girl tried to stop it. She did love him. BUT years later, they are married, have 3 kids but he is still a registered sex offender. It's just sick. Something has to change with the sex offender b s.
You will be lonesome, sad, frustrated with the system, and miserable, but 8 months will fly by. You won't think so now, but believe me it could of been worse. Mine was in over 3 years. Out for 10 months, got violated for leaving the state to go see his son he hadn't seen in 20 years.
I feel like he was never home those 10 months. He got 2 years this time. So it has been a LONG time to wait for him. He has put me through a lot, with his drinking issues, his psychological problems partly caused by how people treat him with that label, and then all the things we have to deal with with the courts, and prison. But I survive. Done it a few times with him. Depression makes him drink. Then he drives, then he goes in.
The label makes him feel so horrible, like everyone in the world hates him. And he can't get anyone to believe he didn't do it. I never questioned it. I met him, I saw what a good heart he has, how he treats people, how good he is with kids, and I just knew his story of how it all happened was real. I hate the woman that did it to him. And she is also the one that set it up for him to leave the state to go meet his son, then reported him to get him back in prison. It just don't stop.
You will live a harder life loving a man who is a SO, but if he is worth it to you, you will learn how to deal with it.
You will find that more people than you are aware of also have that title, even in your own circle of friends and acquaintances. And I think it is so wrong that anyone can look them up, see they are a sex offender and it has to be announced where they live and work. That is asking for trouble. Cops don't care. Lawmakers don't care.
I trust my fiance completely with my granddaughter. He is nothing but good to her. Never worried one bit because the label was a vindictive woman's revenge, and a lie.
You won't be able to convince everyone of his innocence. And those that you can't.. FORGET THEM. Focus on you and him. Focus on the good things about him. Help him get through this. But be very clear, he has to stay off the porn sites, do what his probation officer says he has to do, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. They will pull him right out of his normal life in a heart beat for any small infraction. Don't let that happen, or every hater, and justice system, corrupt, stupid person will win.
You love and believe in him. FIGHT for him any way you can. I do not let people say bad things about him. It doesn't make me popular. I don't care.
I have been with mine 15 years. Some good years, some bad. But the depression that this woman caused by taking his son from him for 20 years, falsely accusing him of something awful, has really ruined his life. He just can't get a break in life. So he then gets depressed and drinks.
The judge didn't even believe he did it by the comments he said to him in court when he changed his plea to guilty. His stupid public defender told him, you don't want to plead not guilty, you will go to trial, you will have women on the jury that will automatically think you are guilty. They will make the little girl you supposedly molested get up on the stand and lie because her mom would make her. He said just plead guilty, I will get you 5 months in jail, and it will be over. He didn't explain about being a sex offender almost all his life. He didn't explain what it all meant. This was over 20 years ago. It wasn't such a publicized thing then. My fiance was so overwhelmed with disbelief that she did this to him, he just took his public defender's wrong advice. And has paid dearly for it ever since.
I am a person that will stand up for anyone who has been wronged. I don't care what people say about me doing it, even my family.
I went on too long I think. I just have such strong feelings on this subject. Hope something I said helps, and doesn't upset you. Fight for this man, not many else will.