Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I don't even know where to start, but in reading through your posts and responses, I'm hopeful that I'll get validation for my feelings. Only a handful of people know and it's hard to keep to myself yet next to impossible to share.
I've been married 8 1/2 years. It has not been easy. My husband had addiction problems (and the accompanying criminal problems) all his life. He was clean when we met and planned to stay that way but just did not know how to be a self-sufficient adult. Stressful situations brought out his weaknesses and eventually he relapsed. Fortunately he kept it out of the house and we never saw it and rarely saw him affected.
He finally got himself together and we worked our way into a pretty good marriage (thanks to an amazing marriage counselor) and I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter when he was arrested and extradited to another state. We paid a private attorney as long as we could but eventually the situation became more drawn-out than we could afford. His PD had no experience with his particular situation and was no help, and he ended up pleading after 8 months of escalating charges every time he declined an offer. He was transferred to a receiving facility that did not allow phonecalls and because his time was short they never moved him out of there.
We could not speak for 10 months, which was hardest on our 7-year-old son, who still does not know what has happened. My husband was supposed to go out of town to open more stores for his company before he was arrested so we just stuck with that story. Now he is on parole 2000 miles away.
He's my best friend, which has saved our marriage more than once. I'm glad he's out and glad we can talk again. I cannot visit him, for many reasons but I'm not sure I want to. I am exhausted from this experience, from supporting him, to not telling people, to raising 3 kids alone, to finishing my master's degree, to working, etc.
Is it terrible of me to not want to add his depression and post-traumatic issues to my load? Is it terrible that I'm not sure that I want to keep bolstering his innate weaknesses? For 5 years of our marriage it was like he was another child (though charming), and he was just growing up when this happened and I don't want to deal with the regression? I do love him and have no interest in anyone else. Is it so bad that I'm tired of taking care of everyone and want someone to take care of me for a little while and I know it's not likely it'll ever be him?
I'm sorry; I'm just really down tonight and am so relieved to find this discussion group where people might understand.
I've been married 8 1/2 years. It has not been easy. My husband had addiction problems (and the accompanying criminal problems) all his life. He was clean when we met and planned to stay that way but just did not know how to be a self-sufficient adult. Stressful situations brought out his weaknesses and eventually he relapsed. Fortunately he kept it out of the house and we never saw it and rarely saw him affected.
He finally got himself together and we worked our way into a pretty good marriage (thanks to an amazing marriage counselor) and I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter when he was arrested and extradited to another state. We paid a private attorney as long as we could but eventually the situation became more drawn-out than we could afford. His PD had no experience with his particular situation and was no help, and he ended up pleading after 8 months of escalating charges every time he declined an offer. He was transferred to a receiving facility that did not allow phonecalls and because his time was short they never moved him out of there.
We could not speak for 10 months, which was hardest on our 7-year-old son, who still does not know what has happened. My husband was supposed to go out of town to open more stores for his company before he was arrested so we just stuck with that story. Now he is on parole 2000 miles away.
He's my best friend, which has saved our marriage more than once. I'm glad he's out and glad we can talk again. I cannot visit him, for many reasons but I'm not sure I want to. I am exhausted from this experience, from supporting him, to not telling people, to raising 3 kids alone, to finishing my master's degree, to working, etc.
Is it terrible of me to not want to add his depression and post-traumatic issues to my load? Is it terrible that I'm not sure that I want to keep bolstering his innate weaknesses? For 5 years of our marriage it was like he was another child (though charming), and he was just growing up when this happened and I don't want to deal with the regression? I do love him and have no interest in anyone else. Is it so bad that I'm tired of taking care of everyone and want someone to take care of me for a little while and I know it's not likely it'll ever be him?
I'm sorry; I'm just really down tonight and am so relieved to find this discussion group where people might understand.
Iam sorry that you and your family have found your selfe in this position its not easy at all and what your feeling is totally normal...have you told him any of this?
Your in the right place we do get how your feeling and we do understand. Keep coming hear we will listen to you and we won't judge you.
I wish you the best!!!