Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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1 month into this

eyedeekay
eyedeekay

So we have made it through the 1st month... cant even belive it. It feels like alot longer and also alot shorter all at the same time. I think the hardest part is still being in the dark about what is going to happen. 6 more weeks until the pleminary hearing ugh. Im hoping that after that there ends up being a plea deal soon, would hate for this to go to trail. But at least everything he is serving right now will count as time served. so minius 1 month so far. It will be ncie when i actually have a date to count down too. He sent me letters for the first time a few days ago and reading them really reassured me that we will be okay. I know its been hard for me to say how im going to handle this because im not sure how much time he will get and that could impact my dession alot. But all i know is that he is my best friend and i really cant picture myself being with someone else. I know im young but hopefully he wont end up getting a super long time.It is his first offense and he is only 19... from what i have heard it seems like the max time he would get is between 2-3 years... but i cant think about outcomes yet.A part of this still feels like im dreaming and im just waiting to wake up from it. All i can do is keep praying for the best and preparing for the worst, at least i can say we have served a month so far. 

Webb
Webb
Ah, i remember when i was in your shoes& A was looking at that time, yet he got 11months and he will be home in 6! Or 2months if he gets tag, the worse part is not knowing, the random crying everywhere. I hate it. And then realising that this is actually your life for the next year or so. I think acceptance is the biggest bit in it all. You have to embrace it. I still in my heart of hearts havent forgave him for what he has done to me, putting me through this. First&last time. I think the sooner you accept it the better, you will understand it more. Im 19 too! So your partner is still really young, so i pray he get the minimum amount. I had to take the leap though, were nearly 5 months down the line and i hated my job, so i start my new one monday, i got a car, and im transforming my body! Its scary and over-whelming but this is the time to change into a better person and do things your scared off! It really does help change is a good and bad thing. I hopr your alright! Always here xxxx
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Yeah gosh this not knowing how long it could be is the worst part for me. Thats another thing its such a surreal feeling i wake up in the morning so confused about how this is going to be my life for an unknown time still. I forgive him for what his done, for the moment that is. That was the first thing i let go of actually was holding any negative feelings for this but i think that is because i understand him in a way which makes since to me... he needs therapy for sure. But the first thing he did was apologize for everything he was about to put me through and promised that the first thing we will do when he is out is he is going to tell me every detail of how things happened and why, so for now i put that aside. This will be my first and last time being a prisoners girlfriend too as i will not tolerate anything else, but i know he will change, i can already tell the difference in him. I just hope he gets the minimum amount too, thinking about 3 years is crazy..... i just pray for him thats all i can do. I just wish i knew the time argh but all i can do is wait. The court stuff here takes forever so by the time we know he could already have a lot of time done so idk. but thank you so much <3
BPOSITIVE
BPOSITIVE
Your post gives me hope too. You're young and you have a good outlook and will be a good support as a friend to him. My boyfriend/best friend just turned himself in from a parole violation and was moved today to another state. He says the penalty can be anywhere from 6 months to 5 years, so I'm praying too for the best scenario. It's been only one week for us and I'm going through the learning process setting up for the phone calls, care packages, his medical issues, being a good support system without losing myself to depression or by saying the wrong things to make him miss being out of jail.... I will follow your lead and just pray for the strength to get though the tough days ahead and do the best that I can so that my relationship will be healthy and survive the long distance. Wish you and your partner the best also. :)
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Thank you @BPositive, i know how your feel seeing he is my best friend/boyfriend and gosh the first week was the worst getting all that stuff set up. The phone was so complicated at first lol. I will keep you in my prayers in that he will end up with the best possible outcome! We have a difficult road ahead with ups and downs. But you just have to keep praying for the best and try to look at the positives. Today my boyfriend told me he is taking yoga, starting a 4 week course on behavioral and mental help, and getting weekly mentors. You'll be surprised what a positive attitude and prayers can do! Im hoping you all the best and feel free to message me if you ever need to talk!
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
Hey well done on the first month your doing good.
Yes the start and the not knowing is the worst and the hardest part of it all once you get past that after a bit you kinda settle into a new sort of way of doing things. Yeah you still cry, yeah it will hurt and it will feel like someone is dead for a bit i wont bs you that but it is doable!! Please believe me we did a full 4 years and 2 years of parole so i know its doable.
This place will help the both of you.
Hugs
gregsbaby
gregsbaby
I'm going to add my 2 cents and say try not to do the countdown til he comes home yet because you don't know. Case in point my fiance has at least 10 more years to do and if I counted down every month that's 120 months, yikes I'd go super crazy!! That's not to say that each month isn't important. Just take it day by day, moment by moment because if you do it this way it'll go faster, as this is what we do. Like last year flew by and before we knew it it was 2017!

The best thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open by letters/phonecalls, etc. as he is your lifeline to the outside world. Even if you don't have much to say in a letter just tell him you love him and will stay by his side, especially if his family isn't a support system for him, as the case with mine.

I'm not going to lie it's going to be a rough/bumpy ride and you're going to go through emotions you didn't even know you had, however love conquers all! Just believe in each other no matter what and hopefully it will be a change for the best for both of you! Super hugs!
eyedeekay
eyedeekay
Thank you both for the advice and support it means a lot to me! I'm not trying to do any countdowns, not like I can since who knows. I'm looking at it more so "yay I have survived thus far". I admire that suchislife did 4 years, and gregsbaby wow 10 years I can't even imagine. I'm lucky in that his family is a huge support system and i am close with them. Which is helpfull. I'm glad I found this site as it is helpful and I can get advice that I can't get from anyone else.
Suchaslife
Suchaslife
I get what you where doing :) really i do!
The only thing i counted when D was in was our visits not the days not the months just our visits. You gotta do what works for you but we will be here for you.