Families & Friends of Gays & Lesbians Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is either gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or questioning their sexual orientation. The purpose of this community is to help families and friendships grow and maintain positive relationships with gay sons, daughters, family or friends.
This is now my 8th support group!
This gives you an idea of the situation:
Grandparents Raising Children
Breakups & Divorce
Families & Friends Of Addicts
Physical & Emotional Abuse
Parenting Teenagers (12-18)
Single Parenting
Diets & Weight Maintenance (Successful at this one!)
My granddaughter is 12.5 yrs old and is "dating" (as 6th graders call it) another girl, Z. A month ago 2 boys liked her and that was her focus, so think she is not sure where she fits. Very normal for this age.
My gd has never been a "typical" girl, but neither am I. She doesn't want to bare her body, so tends towards the boys section for clothes. Both her and I are straight up and down, so "boys" clothes tend to fit better and are not so skimpy and tight. We've looked up the history of fashion as what are "boys" and "girls" clothes tend to change with the ages. She has always been socially shy and hangs around with boys most of the time. She is now in a new school and we got her in basketball over the winter. This was the first time she was on a team and it was a girls' team. She met Z. there.
In the last month, her relationship with Z has become more intense. They both really like each other and kiss and hang out whenever they get a chance. Lots drama in school because boys like Z and they are upset that she is with my gd. You know how 6th grade is. My gd has also taken to binding her breasts, so we looked up the safe way to do that and have put limits on her wearing the binding at home to prevent deformity and circulation problems. She is athletic and looking to get defined abs. I have no problems with any of this.
But, Z spent the night. My gd has boy friends spend the night and they sleep in the other room with my 9 yr old gs. But, not sure what to do about the girl who spends the night. Not sure if I need to limit them being together at night. They were up until 3:30am and then my gd says they slept in the same bed, rather than having Z sleep in a sleeping bag or top bunk. She says they kissed most of the night. Of course, Z has not told her parents she is "dating" my gd. Not sure if they would freak or not.
I would know what to do if she was attracted to a boy and would put limits on them sleeping in the same room and having too much physical contact.. Main reason would be to keep her from getting pregnant! But, that's obviously not an issue with Z.
There aren't any quidebooks on this so looking for advice on what to consider with her relationship as far as boundaries are concerned. I told my gd I would be getting some advice on this as I have never seen anything written on this before.
Any advice? Hope this is the last support group I will need!
This gives you an idea of the situation:
Grandparents Raising Children
Breakups & Divorce
Families & Friends Of Addicts
Physical & Emotional Abuse
Parenting Teenagers (12-18)
Single Parenting
Diets & Weight Maintenance (Successful at this one!)
My granddaughter is 12.5 yrs old and is "dating" (as 6th graders call it) another girl, Z. A month ago 2 boys liked her and that was her focus, so think she is not sure where she fits. Very normal for this age.
My gd has never been a "typical" girl, but neither am I. She doesn't want to bare her body, so tends towards the boys section for clothes. Both her and I are straight up and down, so "boys" clothes tend to fit better and are not so skimpy and tight. We've looked up the history of fashion as what are "boys" and "girls" clothes tend to change with the ages. She has always been socially shy and hangs around with boys most of the time. She is now in a new school and we got her in basketball over the winter. This was the first time she was on a team and it was a girls' team. She met Z. there.
In the last month, her relationship with Z has become more intense. They both really like each other and kiss and hang out whenever they get a chance. Lots drama in school because boys like Z and they are upset that she is with my gd. You know how 6th grade is. My gd has also taken to binding her breasts, so we looked up the safe way to do that and have put limits on her wearing the binding at home to prevent deformity and circulation problems. She is athletic and looking to get defined abs. I have no problems with any of this.
But, Z spent the night. My gd has boy friends spend the night and they sleep in the other room with my 9 yr old gs. But, not sure what to do about the girl who spends the night. Not sure if I need to limit them being together at night. They were up until 3:30am and then my gd says they slept in the same bed, rather than having Z sleep in a sleeping bag or top bunk. She says they kissed most of the night. Of course, Z has not told her parents she is "dating" my gd. Not sure if they would freak or not.
I would know what to do if she was attracted to a boy and would put limits on them sleeping in the same room and having too much physical contact.. Main reason would be to keep her from getting pregnant! But, that's obviously not an issue with Z.
There aren't any quidebooks on this so looking for advice on what to consider with her relationship as far as boundaries are concerned. I told my gd I would be getting some advice on this as I have never seen anything written on this before.
Any advice? Hope this is the last support group I will need!
As for her girlfriend spending the night, you say you'd know how to handle the situation if Z were a boy. Well for the sake of argument, imagine she is in this scenario. Your gd brought her boyfriend home and asked to spend the night unsupervised with him in the same bed. I'm guessing the answer would have been an emphatic "no". It is okay to set boundaries and not worry about them being disparaging to your gd's budding sexual and gender expression.
Another factor to consider is that Z's parents may not approve of her spending the night making out with her girlfriend in bed; regardless of the gender of their daughter's paramour. While I fully support you creative a safe space for these girls, don't let acceptance and compassion lead you to condone things you would have forbidden with an opposite sex sleepover. While Z may not feel comfortable in your GS's room, a couch will do just fine.
My job is to help my grandkids become functional adults. There is no girl book or boy book on what to like, what to wear or what to do for a living or what to do for fun. "Culture" makes the rules and cultures change all the time. So I want them to listen to what THEY want and we'll figure out how to get the "culture" to chill or just ignore em.