Families & Friends of Gays & Lesbians Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is either gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or questioning their sexual orientation. The purpose of this community is to help families and friendships grow and maintain positive relationships with gay sons, daughters, family or friends.
Hello everyone,
This is my first post. I have a 25 year old daughter who came out about 8 years ago. The first years did not go so well. She was angry, depressed, withdrawn. She ran away from home. I now understand reason she experienced these behaviors. When found out, I did not approve, but as years went on, I have educated myself and to learned to focus on my love for her and not the life style. We have spent years finding our way to a mother daughter relationship, but sill I can tell she is uneasy around me.
My concern is this: For the past 8 years, she has lived with roommates, but failed to keep a job, does not seem focused on anything related to achievement in life. She likes photography and drawing. She does not have a drivers license, no job. I'm concerned. She dresses like a 16 year old boy. Pants hanging down, button up shirts, bow ties skinny jeans and tattoos everywhere. It is my opinion that she is allowing her life style to dictate her everyday professional life. I'm just not sure how to help her transition to a look that is more professional so people will start to take her seriously. I just want the best for her, and it hurts me that she is throwing away precious time. How can I possible talk to her in away that does not offend her life style, but get the point across. Please help!
This is my first post. I have a 25 year old daughter who came out about 8 years ago. The first years did not go so well. She was angry, depressed, withdrawn. She ran away from home. I now understand reason she experienced these behaviors. When found out, I did not approve, but as years went on, I have educated myself and to learned to focus on my love for her and not the life style. We have spent years finding our way to a mother daughter relationship, but sill I can tell she is uneasy around me.
My concern is this: For the past 8 years, she has lived with roommates, but failed to keep a job, does not seem focused on anything related to achievement in life. She likes photography and drawing. She does not have a drivers license, no job. I'm concerned. She dresses like a 16 year old boy. Pants hanging down, button up shirts, bow ties skinny jeans and tattoos everywhere. It is my opinion that she is allowing her life style to dictate her everyday professional life. I'm just not sure how to help her transition to a look that is more professional so people will start to take her seriously. I just want the best for her, and it hurts me that she is throwing away precious time. How can I possible talk to her in away that does not offend her life style, but get the point across. Please help!
You said:
>She does not have a drivers license, no job.<
Yeah, maybe you have the right to be concerned, but what has "having no d.l. or job" to do with her sexual orientation? You should separate those two.
>She dresses like a 16 year old boy. Pants hanging down, button up shirts, bow ties skinny jeans and tattoos everywhere.<
She may dress however she wants. It doesn't affect her chances in life in any way. As long as she doesn't want to work in a hotel or somewhere else where everybody has to look the same, she may wear the clothes she feels comfortable with.
>It is my opinion that she is allowing her life style to dictate her everyday professional life.<
There is no connection. Famous example: Ellen Degeneres, Hannah Hart. Both don't dress stereotypical female, but they're successfull. What has her sexual orientation to do with her having no job? Right, nothing.
>people will start to take her seriously<
Don't worry, normally they do. It's not about the way you dress or who you are. It's about how you treat them.
>I just want the best for her<
Then I would advise you, just like I said, to start getting realistic. As long as you think that she's "having just a life style" or EVEN blame that "life style" for her financially situation, she won't take you seriously or listen to you, believe me.
Good Luck!