Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So, to recap, my son got arrested over the weekend for a fight at a university, anyhow, they sent his phone/wallet here to the house, don't know why. He called and I am meeting him 1/2 way to where he is to get it to him as he has no cash to take the train to our town.
So then as we didn't see him for his b-day or V-day, I took 20.00 out of my wallet and wrote a note and sealed it...as I showered, I think my Mom must've been talking to me from Heaven because there was a 'guilt' feeling that I couldn't put my finger on and out loud I heard myself say...why in HELL would you give him 20.00 what if he takes that, he has nowhere to go again, no money, do you THINK he will spend it on food or something he needs to? HELL no, he'll do something stupid with it.....
So I got out of the shower, took the envelope opened it and took the 20.00 out, ripped up the note, and put it back in my wallet, THEN here is the AMAZING part.
I made up a 'goody bag'. 2 P & B sandwiches, some fruit bars, some animal crackers, some raisinets and put it all together for him.....
For SOME reason that 'weighty guilty feeling' disappeared.....
Hmmm, someone seems to be guiding me or I'm FINALLY realizing that money isn't the solution, it is showing the true love. I won't let him live here, but it doesn't mean that I don't care and I hope he gets the meaning behind the goody bag AND he is going to see his gf, who has an eating disorder and she hasn't been eating, he made a mention he has no money to take her anywhere, that is why I packed 2-3 of everything....maybe they can do a picnic together?
Ahhh, sometimes it hits you....out of the blue....
So then as we didn't see him for his b-day or V-day, I took 20.00 out of my wallet and wrote a note and sealed it...as I showered, I think my Mom must've been talking to me from Heaven because there was a 'guilt' feeling that I couldn't put my finger on and out loud I heard myself say...why in HELL would you give him 20.00 what if he takes that, he has nowhere to go again, no money, do you THINK he will spend it on food or something he needs to? HELL no, he'll do something stupid with it.....
So I got out of the shower, took the envelope opened it and took the 20.00 out, ripped up the note, and put it back in my wallet, THEN here is the AMAZING part.
I made up a 'goody bag'. 2 P & B sandwiches, some fruit bars, some animal crackers, some raisinets and put it all together for him.....
For SOME reason that 'weighty guilty feeling' disappeared.....
Hmmm, someone seems to be guiding me or I'm FINALLY realizing that money isn't the solution, it is showing the true love. I won't let him live here, but it doesn't mean that I don't care and I hope he gets the meaning behind the goody bag AND he is going to see his gf, who has an eating disorder and she hasn't been eating, he made a mention he has no money to take her anywhere, that is why I packed 2-3 of everything....maybe they can do a picnic together?
Ahhh, sometimes it hits you....out of the blue....
My sister in law had sent him a card for his birthday, I had also brought that and he opened it, she sent him some $$ which wasn't a ton, but enough to maybe get a pack of smokes. and he was really happy.
Then I have him his goody bag and he was over the moon and said it was the sweetest thing that I packed two sandwiches one for him and one for the GF. She has the eating disorder and hadn't eaten for days and is currently in treatment. I'm hoping that if she knows I made it for her, she will eat something in the bag....I got a HUGE hug for that.
He was smiling and happy. And there was something I read on here today, if they are smiling and happy, then we need to accept that. He may not have a 'house' or an apt but like he said, he has friends that love having him around. He is going to see his father for a couple days. it may not be the 'lifestyle' I would choose for him, but like my own brother, who doesn't own a house or rent an apt, he is a vagabond between home and the south and he loves his life. He doesn't own much, has a 42 foot boat he lives in during the summer and goes south for the winter and he is happy. So I guess it is MY expectations that gets me down, but am now learning that acceptance in his happiness is what I need.
I did make the comment that I felt badly that we could not longer 'live together' as a family, but I wanted him to be happy. He replied he understands completely and wouldn't come home even if I asked him as he feels that he 'took too much already' and has never given anything back but drama and once he gets everything situated, he hopes that there will be one day he can take care of us. LOL...I thought it was a sweet sentiment. He did say he has not taken any drugs, but he is still smoking his pot and cigarettes. He is trying to avoid alcohol as well. At least he is honest about it and wasn't the same 'edgy' personality that i was use to.
I feel so much better.....
yipee...enjoy the moment