Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members

8,121 Posts

0 Online

bpulli1 12/26/2015

I feel really bad for having these thoughts. I have daydreamed of getting the call and saying it's over. She died peacefully. I don't want her to suffer by someone beating the hell out of her for owing them money. My kids do have good memories of their grandmother so why is it I seem to only remember the bad stuff. She is in debt to her drug dealers and once again everybody will b looking at us to pay up. My savings is drained and we are living check to check. All I can think about is she is a manipulative user. When she is clean she is a totally different person. She tried to kill herself a few months ago and I sometimes think I wish she would have succeeded. I wish I wouldn't have come to her house and found her. Horrible I know.

givenup107 12/26/2015

Our feelings are our feelings. Addiction sucks and it
Makes us feel things we never thought possible. It takes a toll on every part of our lives.

My mom was a bipolar pill addict who made
My life a living hell. It's terrible the thoughts I used to have. I hated my life with her. Do they have a clue what it feels like to be us? Not even a thought.

No one knows the hell we experience. No judgement here

NDH 12/26/2015

Do not feel guilty for those thoughts. There is peace after an addict passes. We'll never be pain free but not having to deal with it is a better way to live. Once they're gone though, all hope for recovery is lost. I hope you can detach from her while she is using. Don't pay her debts no matter the consequences. All of their suffering we would like to take away but it's not possible. You can't save her but you can save yourself!

Precious97 12/27/2015

Get away from her while the getting is good and no harm has come to you!!

My uncle was heavy into drugs and got behind with his drug dealers. I was 9 and didn't understand what their pricing system meant when his drug dealer said "She'll do" to my uncle. After 3 years of being used as payment for my uncles drugs, I was sent away from him. No, I didn't tell anyone because I thought they already knew. My grandmother did, she just didn't do anything about it. You don't want to get tangled up with them! She's a big girl, let her figure it out and get you and your family away from her so you stay safe!!

cottontail 12/27/2015

Dont feel bad about these feelings I have had them too. sometimes it just seems like there is no way out and it will never end.
You are not alone, please dont feel guilty you are just human.
Good luck and look after your self too.

blueviolet725 12/27/2015

we get so tired. I remember one night realizing that if I got the call that my son died, we would both be at peace....and I could legit-ably mourn him. My son. Amazing. And all the pain would stop.

It is ok that we have these thoughts. The only thing I really learned about them is from Cardinal (not active) that the mourning doesn't stop. Just a new hell. (her daughter died after relapsing)

Sometimes we just want the insanity to end. just don't go around telling everyone....they don't get it.

Precious97 12/28/2015

I have quite a few family members that are into drugs and sometimes I feel the same way. Although I will only admit that right here! Don't kick yourself for your feelings, acknowledge them and validate them. You have these thoughts and feelings for a reason. Take a couple of minutes to explore your emotions and then cut her off. Let her know that her drug business is her own and you don't want to get tangled up in it.

kathyk6 12/28/2015

I am new to this group and site and I have been feeling the same way and I have felt so guilty for feeling this way. I have been so concerned about the feelings I have been having and was thinking this whole situation with my addict daughter has taken ME to a dark place. Sadly it is a relief to know I am not alone in this..

bpulli1 12/28/2015

Thank you all. I would never say that out loud. Everybody thinks of me as the caring dependable good daughter. I also felt guilty for having these feeling.

missmaple 12/28/2015

So may abuse victims describe that the fear of being hit was worse than the actual beatings. The fear of the call that tells you the next horrible chapter, or the one when you hear someone has died, really can be worse than the actual experience. Dread can take over your life. These feelings ARE the feelings of a "good caring daughter." You are allowed to wish the pain would stop. When your loved one does nothing to help herself, how can you hope for anything at all? She has given you nothing to hope for. As a hopeful, kind, caring person, you hope for the end to the dread and the pain. Of course you don't want her end to be caused by this. But it is only human to wish for the pain to end.

Join the Conversation