Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
hi I e just joined this group. I need advice sand help. My husband is an alcoholic. For the past ten years he has been on/off the drink. Each time promising g he won’t drink again. However that promise is worthless. I am now at the point of being so upset and worried about him, I just feel crushed. I have cancer and the stress is not helping. He has turned into a very selfish person. He’s not violent but he goes off and disappears for days/nights. He becomes angry and verbally nasty. i wished I didn’t love him and it would be easier to walk away. I’m in my 50’s and feel so sad at the years we have been together ending like this. When he disappears he won’t answer his phone or respond to messages. Any advice would be most welcome. Thankyou x
Daughter of an alcoholic here. I am by no means an expert, but here is my two cents:
Something I have had trouble coming to terms with is that alcoholism is a disease. Also, I've realized that drinking is often a coping mechanism for things like anxiety or depression. Anyway just something to keep in mind. Often there is more going on than the obvious or what you see.
I find that it really doesn't help to try to talk to an alcoholic when they are not sober. It does not help anything. Most often it will just hurt your feelings, I know it does mine.
Also, lean on your friends and family for support and also get your husband's friends involved in hopefully helping him in steps to recovery. Sometimes people need a push from more than just one person to realize how bad a state they are in and that they need change (especially from people other than the ones they live with).
For your situation, I would have a heart to heart talk when he is most sober (usually in the morning for most). Express your concerns for his health and safety. Make sure he knows that you care about his wellbeing and want to help. It sounds silly and redundant. Don't they already know that? But sometimes people need to hear it.
Love is weird and it is okay to feel confused about your feelings toward him. But, before anything else, make sure you feel safe in your home. If that means sleeping in another room, do it! If it means taking a night away, do it! Tell him why when he is sober. Communicate to him that you feel unsafe or stressed. YOUR health matters too! Remember to make time for yourself.
You are not alone.