I hear the anger issue, my hubby is the same, they are distant from each other, my son TRIES to reach out, but the hubby is an emotional midget.

I wished that he knew how important it is to our son that he show SOMETHING TO HIM but he is stubborn, no matter HOW many times I have talked with him. He is a creature of habit. It just sucks.

He feels the kid isn't doing enough to get his stuff together. Well, try having a fed charge in your background, getting shut down job after job because of it....it isn't easy, I GET IT, but hubby doesn't.....

And hubby hasn't changed jobs in his life, so he has NEVER been on an interview and finds it hard to believe all these companies do all their applications online....LOL...oh my, he is also a technological midget LOL....no matter how I tell him!

But my son also realizes how he is and 'deals' with it. I know there WILL come that time when he will feel it, I can't push it, I can't make it happen, neither can our son, but one day it will when it's ready. Right?

Hang in there, they will work it out!

Women are usually more emotionally intelligent than men. :)

He could just be afraid. for himself, for you...he sees how happy you are and doesn't want to see it all crash and burn. Or another thought- why should he celebrate 60 days of living like he expected his son to in the first place? why are we jumping up and down for "doing his job"....Maybe he needs a little of the attention on him...or to know that you (and your marriage) are going to be alright no matter what happens with your son. or maybe he is pms-ing for men...not everything has to always be related to the addict.

As for the 60 days- I would be happy dancing in the middle of the street. I would hug him so hard I would break his ribs and I would be on my knees thanking God so hard, that God would tell me- get up! There is no joy like someone on the road to recovery. I know it may be unfair but I see my son's overcoming his addiction equal in value to my daughter working her way through her master's degree. Both worked their asses off, and it took a long time. The only difference is that one will make money out of it.

you can't make anyone feel or do anything...and you know that already. So enjoy enjoy enjoy and he will work it out.... or not. It is not your journey.

I am so very very happy for you. I love hearing good news. Safe trip, and of course, we want a full report (like how wonderful he looks, etc)

I can't speak from where your husband's anger comes from, but for me it's that this thing just keeps hitting me in different ways. Having an addict in the family means that all the money, attention, focus, etc. is on them and I think everyone else gets burned out. While the addict needs support the rest of the family has needs too that haven't been met in a long, long time and they may have been holding back their feelings for weeks, months, or years. Once the addicted person is clean and isn't causing so much drama, there is actually time for everyone else to figure out how they felt, what they need, etc. so I suspect that's when the family's emotions START coming out. It's not great for the addicted person because now they're in a good place, but having real feelings even if they are negative may be what some folks in the family need...

Blueviolet brought up a great point, I didn't think of that, that our men ARE probably afraid of us being 'let down' again. And I can SO hear it coming out of the hubbies mouth 'for what, doing what he SHOULD be doing?..." It is totally true, men are so different from us emotionally. They look at it all head on.

I too am glad to hear the news for your son. Enjoy this time, enjoy YOUR time in your own life as well.

Hugs

ARG!!!!!! so sorry about the empty postings ????? crazed computer this morning. any way i will recap: i understand the anger issues your husband is going through because that is one of my biggest hurdles. BUT i sometimes think that some men are most comfortable with the emotion of anger, so sadness, fear, disappointment, etc are expressed as anger. i have two sons who are in their twenties now and their dad is our addict. i long ago had to let go of the control of the relationships being forged between the.. please don't feel so alone.... this is a long and difficult process, right now your son seems to be doing great (yay) and he is lucky to have your love and support. and you have love and support here.

I asked my husband...he said he had felt angry for what our son had put us thru...(I had too, but luckily not at the same time.) and that as long as you show a united front to support his recovery, and you two have each other to talk about everything...it will work it's way out of his system.
He said that talking to me about it helped...and to be honest, I think I just sat and listened...but we did have a strategy of how we would be with our son.
Thanks for this post. It made us remember the first visit we had with him sober at his rehab and we both got all vachlemped. (choked up)
Hugs.

woo hoo to 60 days,,,,, what an accomplishment,,,,,, your husband's anger is the fear of the unknown,,,,, we have this site to vent, we talk our fears out,,, we know we have no control,,,, but sometimes,, especially men,, find it very hard to reach out on such a personnal level,, guys don't like the feeling of not beable to fix, or take care of their families,,,,, they are the "head of the family" ,,, I think if you just reinforce that everything will be ok,,, be postive,, and don't react in a negative way about what he is feeling,,,,,, perhaps he needs to get them out,, shoot maybe we should hook up our husbands, so they can freely talk about what they are

I think once your husband physically see's sean,, it's going to be ok,,

be postive,,, patience,,,
love ya,

Hello: I was angry last night, my Mom's visiting for a month and she thought she could go to the gym with me (not) I told my Dad, "the gym doesn;t allow drunks" -- I waited 45 minutes more (before leaving) and she was snoring (YEY). I'm new to Al-ANon, I'm an ADULT CHILD of AN ALCOHOLIC and I myself have been sober for 15+ years.

I try to let people be angry and I appreciate when people allow me to be. DMAT124: Keep the Faith (KtF) God is Awesome (GiA) -- the visit to Florida will be challenging but somehow (in the end) it's all worth while. I've got to believe that for another 3 weeks while my Mom's here :) Happy day Write Back soon
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Dee!! 60 days... How great is that! I think we all go thru the "roller coaster" feeling of anger and fear... in our fam, it is Sam and dad that are most often at odds... I know I am way more forgiving and eager to "work" on building the relationship back up... I will pray that this Easter weekend will be the re-birth of a great family relationship for you.
Much love, Kim

That's great 60 days clean! I think your husband anger is a multitude of different things, mad that his son became addicted, mad that this was out of your husbands control. Like Birminghamguy said just mad from all drama. Sometimes I would think oh great your clean, what about all the trouble you caused while using and now I'm suppose to just act like none of that happened. Anger is a normal emotion and hopefully he got over it fast.

Thank you all my darling friends. You have all confirmed my thoughts and feelings. Anger is a very funny thing, because I believe it's always there and it rears its head sometimes when you least expect it. My husband is wonderful father, and I know that he is devastated by this as we all have been. I often share with him things that have been written here in hopes that he would embrace it. Here's a funny part. A couple of weeks ago, I asked Honey would you like to come to the therapist with me, when I tell you he looked at me like I head 3 heads, and said, No, Why? so there it is in a nutshell. Love you all, and thank you for always being here. xxoo

My husband felt the same way about therapists...but when we went to our second family weekend at the second place- St. Joes in Saranac Lake...it was mostly men..(in fact, except for the therapists it was all men, which I never noticed until it was pointed out to me) Anyway, they got talking, and spilling their guts and what I call vomiting on our shoes (just gushing it all out there, ad naseum) And I was bored, I had been there done that and they all loved it. cathartic. life changing....and us women sat there nodding our heads, because we had already shared, greived etc. it was amazing for him, and almost laughable for me...the parts with the addicts was a different subject. I learned more about men than I did about anything else that weekend. One day, he may do the same...sharing with someone not as far along as you two...if he does? stand back! Love to you! Enjoy! it is coming soon!