Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members
8,121 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Why do I feel so guilty

bpulli1
bpulli1
I know my mom probably hates me right now. Last night she call after being missing for three days. She gave her dealer her car in exchange for drugs and they left her stranded. She say she didn't know what to do and to come get her. I told her no. She called back later and told me she was just roaming the streets and to come get her. I once again said no and went back to bed. I didn't sleep at all. Once I changed my mind and was going to go get her I had no way to get in touch with her and she hasn't called back. She was borrowing someone elses phone because she left hers in her car. They dealer actually answered it this weekend. I don't know what to do at this point. What should I do?
jainlor
jainlor
don't get her. I know it sounds mean but if she is still actively using you cannot help her. until she wants help to go into treatment. you cannot have her living with you, she will drag you down and steal from you and lie to you. love her but don't enable her.
bpulli1
bpulli1
She doesn't live with me I would have been taking her home. Where she was is 40 minutes one way and where she lives is 30 minutes the opposite way. I would have been on the road for 2 1/2 hours last night. I don't understand why she does this. When she makes it up in her mind she just stop so why don't she. She has done it many times in the past.
jainlor
jainlor
i am so sorry. until she is fed up with her life, she will continue to drink/use. maybe she will be close to getting the help she needs now that she has no car and you are not answering her calls. sometimes helping them means staying away and not rescuing them. i know it is hard to do.
bpulli1
bpulli1
Thank you so much. That is the same thing my husband says. She is 62 with great grand kids and still uses crack. Makes no sense what so ever.
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
you don''t need to risk your life and safety to go to a bad neighborhood and go get her...she chose to go there. she chose to give the guy her car. she made a choice and so you get to as well.
good job on not enabling.
you never know, maybe you not saving her all the time will make her look at her life again.
NDH
NDH
Everyone is right! It's very painful but it's the only course of action on your part that has any hope of letting her hit her bottom. She is choosing to seek out drugs and she must choose to go into recovery. Either way you must take care of yourself and your family. It's not your problem to fix. Hugs
jainlor
jainlor
how are you doing?? we are here for YOU
missmaple
missmaple
It is so hard not to help! Congrats on making it through the night. I think in order to change they need to one-two punch of no drugs AND no help. When they run out of sources for drug money AND run out of people to bail them out of any situation, then they have an opportunity to experience the worries they usually pass on to us. Then they have an opportunity to learn how to manage life.

When we help them in the times they can't get drugs and feel desperate, we think we are buying them time to get clean. But we are really buying them time to find another source of money for drugs. I hope you find the courage to NOT build her bridge from fix to fix by helping her out of the problem she has. But if you don't , just know there is not one person here who doesn't understand. We get put in impossible situations. Her sobriety is not your job. But if you can stand it, let her learn how to cope without you.