My daughter is 24. She's been a meth addict for about 3 years. Before that she was diagnosed with BPD. She's been emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive since she was 15-16. I'm not the perfect mom. Maybe I'm not even a 'good enough' mom, who knows. I did the best I could. I'm not an addict, not an abuser, nothing evil. I have 3 other kids that are totally ok. I have tried to help her for so long. Inpatient treatment. Therapy. She's had traumas that occurred outside of the home, but the blame always lands on me, for everything, ever, even the imaginary things. And there are plenty of those when she's been tweaking for 2 weeks. She will say anything to hurt me and try to ruin my marriage. To give an idea of what she is like: She told my husband I was cheating on him when I was at a baby shower. He knew where I was, but the intent is the problem. She was mad because he wouldn't give her a ride to someone's house. She told my sons that during a brief separation from my husband, I was prostituting to pay my bills. I had a full time job. That was when she was mad because I told her to stop screaming profanity at her 4 year old daughter, or leave my house. She gets upset when you question her stellar parenting skills. (She claims to have learned these from me, though none of the other kids seem to remember this example. I do admit I was overly critical academically, and depressed a lot, but I never struck her or cursed at her, or screamed at her, or anyone else. I accept my shortcomings, but being verbally abusive was never one of them. I don't see how a harsh critique of a homework assignment in 7th grade or sleeping too late because I was depressed is the same as screaming profanities at toddlers.) She then went out in the front yard and screamed at the top of her lungs that I was showing my boobs on the internet if anyone wanted to come look. She once told someone that I kidnapped her from a hospital as an infant and that I wasn't her real mom. She put that one on Facebook. She accused my husband of fondling her in the kitchen the last time she was at my house. I don't believe her, based on past experience. She won't go to treatment. She calls me every name in the book, then just calls again the next time she needs something. No empathy. No remorse. No hint of taking responsibility for ANYTHING she has ever done or failed to do. It's my fault she is violent, promiscuous, on drugs, broke, can't see her kids, can't work, can't drive the car I gave her because I stopped paying for the insurance and I won't pay to get it out of impound.....When can I say no contact? I can't live like this anymore. She even lied and said she was pregnant to get me to let her stay with me. Then she just woke up the next day and went to go party some more. She just needed a place to sleep in between binges. She stays at various houses with whoever will let her right now. This is also blames on me because I won't let her stay in my home because she has punched so many holes in the walls. I refuse to subject the two boys that still live at home to her insanity, or enable her to continue to get high without dealing with the consequences. I'm so stuck. I can't do it anymore. Does anyone ever just give up and go no contact with their addicted adult child? She calls me 3-4 times a day and leaves messages guilt tripping and cussing at me, so technically, it's not no contact for her. Ha. Ha. Today she called..high and raging as always. The last voicemail said "Mother" This is your "daughter." Will you at least call and tell my kids their mom loves them. I'm sure they are hurt because their other grandma won't let me talk to them either.
Things would be a lot different if you'd let me stay at your house, but you don't care about anyone but yourself." This following 3 days straight of rants and lies and calling me names until the recorder times out and hangs up on her. Like I'm rude for not answering and listening to that in person. I really can't do it anymore and I don't know how to deal with the stress and guilt.