Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My AH, has been clean for three weeks and now is starting an argument with me that I don't hug him enough, support him enough or ask how his day is going.
I felt good coming home as I had my first individual therapy appointment. Now that is all shot to hell. This is exactly why I need therapy.
Three weeks and it has felt like three minutes.
I can't believe he is starting a fight with me. I have already told him I am emotionally shutdown. I am pleased he is doing all the right things but it is exhausting being his wife, mother, parole officer and cheerleader.
I felt good coming home as I had my first individual therapy appointment. Now that is all shot to hell. This is exactly why I need therapy.
Three weeks and it has felt like three minutes.
I can't believe he is starting a fight with me. I have already told him I am emotionally shutdown. I am pleased he is doing all the right things but it is exhausting being his wife, mother, parole officer and cheerleader.
He is going to expect that getting sober means that everything is all fixed and you should just put everything behind you. He will continue to think he's the center of the universe and will be demanding and blame you if you can't just wave a magic wand and pretend everything is back to normal. He may believe that he's doing all of the hard work by staying sober, so you should be there to provide for his every need.
You have been through a traumatic experience. He does not understand that. Just as he will be working on his recovery, you need to be working on yours. Do whatever you need to take care of yourself. He needs to do what it takes to recover, and he needs to be able to do that with or without your help. This is a very stressful time for any relationship as you both have to focus on your own needs. True, it's not as stressful as when he was using, but it is a new kind of stress.
I have also experienced this. I thought once the using stopped things would change. I was wrong --the same personality remained.
I think we need to pull ourselves back as far as needed to feel OK (not being attacked or abused or mistreated in any way).
Either completely get away from the addict, keep a healthy distance from them most of the time, or for some- just emotional detachment.
jerseyjenus...maybe in your case you need to just walk away when the addict gets to be too much and don't react...which I know is not easy!....you absolutely need and deserve your space from this.
Their recovery is as selfish as their using. it is once again, all about them. IF he continues on his path to sobriety, my experience was that after my son did his amends steps in AA, he was finally a person...
Also, they say as long as they were using is as long as it takes to get well...a sloooow process. ..so again....set the boundaries. his support should come from meetings....not just from you.