You are going to have to set guidelines to make progress with him, either he attends counselling/rehab or he can no longer live with you. He should go out and get at least a part time job or volunteer somewhere if not you lend him no more money at all for anything.
I know it sounds harsh but you may have to gether your close family and stage an intervention he gets help or he has to get out so the rest of your family can heal. Drug addiction is a decease that your whole family now suffers from everyone is going to require counselling and changes to be made.

Good Luck

thx wishkittie. But if I put him out of my house where will he go? If I cancel his auto insurance he'll have to turn in his driver's license. Then how will he get a job? Everyone in our family has reached out to him but no one can get to him. I fear for his life, the lives of others (while he's driving around), I fear he'll go to prison. Some days are better than others but for the last couple of days I feel this is more than I can handle.

Hi and welcome,,,,
My frist advice to you read older post , educate yourself on what your dealing with,,, is your son an addict or does have a medical problem? Your first step us determing what label your putting on this? Which means if your son is an addict,,, it's hard to admit ,, but denial is your worst enemy ,,, if you reread your response,,, you are your sons biggest enabler ,,,, every line is an excuse,,, keep in mind if your son is an addict,,, their biggest qualities is manipulating,,, so has I reread your response,,, your son has definite control

I know it's hard hearing theses things,,, but I'm pretty sure you woukd not of posted if you were not looking for some response,,, momma I know the pain and anguish your going through , it's like a knife piercing in your heart ,, and your sitting back thinking of what you could or should of fond to be a better mom,, or if only I woukd of done this,,,, you are the best mom to that boy of yours,,, and his using drugs has nothing to do with you,,, unfortunately you can not fix this,,,, what you can do to save your son, is set boundaries, stop giving in,,, unless your okay with drug use in your home,,, it's a privilege to have a bed, food and a hot shower , with tv, computer,,,, give that boy if yours a reason to quit,,,

Tough love means,,, I love you do much that I refuse to feed into your addiction, and be the source of your drug use, I will no longer feed or be the one that endangers your life,,,

Welcome, my friend cardinal is right. Your son is in control and you my dear friend have to understand you cannot control his addiction. He has to want to get help and it is clear he needs help to get well. I understand your pain before my son (25 in recovery) wen to rehab it was like a stranger I didn't know, I was consumed with trying to get him well, however I was becoming addicted to his addiction and was loosing both he and I. He is an addict and that needs to be address first, because sometimes the others are symptomatic. When it gets to the point when they are barely functioning, that's when you need to say that the choices are his, however drug use is not permitted in your home. If he want to live there the following will happen and be clear. As long as you enable your son he knows he can continue to use because their are no repercussions to his using. It's the hardest thing you will have to do, trust me we all know. But addicts are manipulative, and they will do what they are allowed to get away with. I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain it's a horrible roller-coaster ride, but you have to take care of you first. Keeping you in my prayers

Welcome Can't ~ we all get what you are dealing with (my addict is my son, 21, Heroin, 3 felonies), and if you explore this site, you will learn from so many people who have success stories. This is a place to vent, cry, question, and learn. Never give up hope, but realize that your son, during active addiction, will manipulate things for his advantage... If he is driving while high, he is not only risking his life, but the lives of others! If you live in an area with public transportation, then he can ride the bus to work. Take care of yourself... keep posting, we care.

the hardest thing to do is take the car away and not let him live at home but yet it may be the one thing that brings him to his senses. they won't get help until they have lost everything, love him enough to let him go....you may be saving his life in my honest opinion.
and there is always hope :) even with heroin:) prayers for you and your family!

janlor you just reminded me, there is always hope no matter what the drug of choice is.

There is always hope, never give up, but like others have said, you must not enable him anymore, he has no reason to change as long as he has you to take care of him, he is young and young means resilient. An addict must hit rock bottom before they will climb back up, I have the same soft heart as you do, and my son has been to jails and prison, and he is in jail now on probation violation and a new charge of drug pararphanalia, I cant help but think that if I would have made him go to a halfway house when he was released from prison, he may not be in this predicament now. It is hard to know what is right and what is wrong, but I have had police officers tell me to kick him out, and I did not listen, and now he is back in this mess, and I wish I had listened !!! I know how hard it will be when he gets released (whenever that will be) dont know yet as he has not been sentenced on the violation, but he was originally sentenced to 3 years in a state penetentiary, only they retained jurisdiction and let him have a chance to go to a rehab in prison for 90 days, and now he is probably facing another Rider, which is 180 to 270 days in prison, they do give chances, or he could face the entire 3 years,I think he will get another Ryder but longer, probably the 270 day rider called TC Rider. who knows. However the bottom line is, he will be forced to go to a halfway house or shelter, and work his way back up the ladder, that way he knows how hard it is to climb up and out of his mess by himself, as we have already tried the soft approach of letting him return home after his first stint in prison and it backfired. Plus we cannot run the risk of him bringing drugs in to this house and bringing us all down, I have a daughter to think of as well, I wont be much good for her if Im in jail for him bringing drugs in to my house, as far as I know he has never done that, but I wonder at times. I dotn want your son to end up like my son, it is a horrible feeling to know my son is probably sitting there awaiting sentencing because I failed to use the tough love approach before. He is 22 yrs old, and he must fix this by himself, but anyhow, I thought maybe if you knew our story it would help you see that if you dont stand firm now, he may pay dearly later. you can explain to him why you are doing it. Whatever you choose to do, please set strict boundaries and stick to them, I am on a mission to help as many people as I can, Not one more kid should go to prison. It is hard but you can do it.

Hi Can't do it. I have a 19 yr old son who is also a drug addict ( right now he is in recovery and doing very well) I just wanted to add that you said your son abuses prescription pills but what you may not realize is most of the abused prescription drugs are made of the very thing heroin is made of morphine. Oxycontin oxycodeine vicodin percocet roxys are all in the same family as heroin . They are all equally addicting and dangerous. I just didn't want you to have a false sense of thinking that it was safer to use pills than heroin. The only difference is somee are synthetic drugs and this country is a huge mess from them. ( shame on the bad doctors and the pharmaceutical companies who knew how addicting these drugs really were and produced them anyway) Last but not least MOST of the kids that are doing heroin today started with these pills but found it too expensive to keep up with them so they ended up on heroin. ANY drug can be beaten but the addict has to want to stop and you need to make it your job to not enable him by making his life too easy when he is not doing the right thing . I LOVE my son more than anything but I will not make it easy for him to use drugs because its true they will have no reason to stop Please listen to what these ladies on here have to say it has made a huge difference in my life by doing so. Good luck Dee

i agree w/everyone else except w/your son--losing his father 4 yrs. ago and moving shortly after that a counselor or mental health professional to me is more important as he could be self medicating. i.m not diagnosing but that was my first thought when i read your story.. encourage counseling,see if he wants you to go with him. if he is seeing a professional, they can work on the drugs or help him take the next step. he was not using prior to losing his dad correct? do you have a supportive enough family for an intervention, that might be an option. if it were me i would focus on these things first.consider counseling for you too. i will pray for you. please let us know how it goes.

When you have ADD your brain is going so fast and you tend to make rash decisions. Maybe see a therapist who is train in behavior modification could help him. They could help him learn to make better choices. They say if a if you have ADD or ADHD as a child and do not take medication for it you are more apt to self medicate when you get older. He smokes pot to slow his brain down. Your brain is always changes thoughts. I have ADHD. Exercise is another way to help get it under control. Since ADD meds are addictive he may not be able to take them. With ADD you have depression and anxiety. My son has ADHD he scored in the 92%. He does exercise and has taken meds, but right now he is out of them and I can see the difference. He is restless and jumps all over the place. He was developing a drinking problem, but we talked and he realized it could be a problem so quit drinking. I am so happy for that.

Check first into getting conservatorship over him, it's what Britney Spears parents had to do to help get control of their daughter before she ended up dead. He seems to not be in any real state to be making healthy decisions for himself, so if you can get this you can better help him.

Hi My name is Phil and I have a daughter who has over 4 years as a recovering addict. All of these wonderfull people have given you some great advice. The only thing I would add is like the addict we to have to make the tough decions for our own recovery. WE all know what we have to do but actually doing it is another thing there is no quick fix. If there was there would be no need for this group. So what do you do? Get all the knoledge you can get from people who have been through it Keep talking to the awsome people in this group Try to find a local support group you can join. Doing all these things will make you stronger for the choices you may have to make down the road. My daughter and I do a show about addication. Go to youtube and search theemptychairshow, And watch the edition on effects on the family. It might help you understand the process we all go through. Please stay strong and never give up hope